since we seem to be in the mood....

D

dananmis22

Cathlete
No, not that mood! The wedding mood! Our wedding is the most wonderful day in our life, but after the honeymoon reality does set in and quickly! I was just wondering how long you all have been married and what you think the recipes are that you use to make it last. I have been married for 8 years and I have to say that the single most important thing in our relationship is FORGIVENESS! I don't know about you guys, but this is the hardest thing to do, expecially when he "forgets" to put his dirty sox and underwear in the hamper for the 486th day in a row! x( We all mess up though. We are also VERY open about how we feel and respect each others feelings. How about you guys?
 
Yikes, it's almost 17 years!!

Dealing with problems in the moment rather than letting them fester is the best advice I can give. The other thing is to accept your partner for who he/she is and don't try to change him/her. People do change but you can't control how or when this happens.

--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
I second both things Lois mentioned.

Also, make sure you communicate with each other. Talk, talk and talk some more...about everything and anything.

DH and I have been married for five years March 25 and I was just telling him this weekend I feel like we're still on our honeymoon!
 
17 years this September:) I guess just being accepting of who we are. You will learn to live with each others' faults over time. Of course things always run most smoothly when I get my way! Just kidding of course.

Diana
 
I've been married for 11 years and have been with him and only him for 15 years (since I was 17). I agree that forgiveness is SSSOOO important! Also, I believe that it's important to have fun with one another and make time with one another. My husband and I make it a point to take a 2 night short vacation without the kids once a year. We also have "date-night" at least once a month. As Dr. Phil says, the most precious gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage! In that respect, I don't feel any guilt at all in taking some time for ourselves every now and then.

Sarah
 
We will be married 12 years May 15. I believe it is important to talk about everything. Nothing is too big or too small to talk about.
 
We've only been married for 4 years, but we've been together for 9.

I find that it's really important to express feelings. Unexpressed angers or hurts tend to grow, whereas discussion about them can cause them to heal much faster.

There are certain ways to talk about feeling that are better than others. Accusations are not a good way to facilitate communication. You should both always start off by saying how what the other person did (or didn't do) made you feel. For example "When you keep neglecting to put your laundry in the hamper, it makes me feel like you don't care about what's important to me". Instead of attacking, you are focusing on how you feel, and it facilitates an open discussion.
 
Well, my wedding was the beginning for me... I know mushy eh? It will be 15 years of wedded bliss 05-05-05 (19 years of commitment). I agree with forgivenss, acceptance, and the other things mentioned. For us, I can't say it is a single factor. Commitment, communication, and compromise are the major things that have gotten us through 15 years. If I had to choose one... communication. DH and I are master communicators!!!! Oh, and we have a partnership... very important.

Autumn
 
8 years this August, but we've been together almost 14 years, 4 of which were spent keeping a long-distance relationship. The single most important thing? A healthy, thriving sense of humor. We've been through a lot, both as individuals and as a couple, enough to want to check ourselves into a mental institution. That we seek laughter and have this drive for the lighter side of things is, I think, the main reason why we're still together.:)

Pinky
 
We're going on 8 years (12 years together). I'm very good at forgiving and forgetting, but DH is not. He holds a grudge like nobody I've ever known. We actually had a good fight on Friday night and he brought up something from 4 years ago that I've apologized for many, MANY times. He brings it up at every fight (we have only a couple a year). Finally I told him that I will not talk about stuff that has been addressed and apologized for and if he can't get over it, it's his problem.

The biggest thing is communication. He and I are the same exact personality type and we both have a hard time bringing things up that might stir up trouble. So we keep it in and it festers. Then it gets to the point where it comes out (usually when you're in a fight about something else). And you know what? Once it's addressed, it's usually not that big of a deal.
 
35 years later this year (met him when I was 15, married at 18). We are such opposite personalities and frequently drive each other crazy, but there is and always has been a deep respect for each other, and now we have pretty much learned to laugh at our differences.

Also, suffering and sorrow teach you a lot about a person - when I experienced deaths in my immediate family and hospitalizations, including a few where I almost died, he did everything in the world he could think of to do for me, and more.

This man is my solid rock!
 
13 years as of January. Doesn't seem that long, time just flies!! Communication, flexibility and respect are the things that come to mind for me. Forgiveness is also important....for me it is not the dirty clothes in the hamper, as it is why can't he put a new roll of toilet paper on???? We have that discussion weekly!:) :) He usually says he's too busy or he's in a hurry!!! Now it's become more of a joke than an annoyance!:+
 
Oh My Gosh....I feel old....almost 25 years married and 27 years together!!!! I must have been a child bride...:)...anyways...COMMUNICATION to me is what makes or breaks a marriage and yes respect for each other and each others feelings. I congratulate all of you....:+ :) :D ...Carole
 
WOW! It is amazing and encouraging to see how many people have stayed together for so long, especially when divorce is so easy and frequent! I am planning on being married to Dan (of the dananmis, I am Mis(sy)) forever. It is strange, because now I can't imagine my life without him. After sharing everything with just one person for so long, you really do become one. My hats off to those who have lasted more than a decade! I plan on joining you as time allows!
 
I have to say for us, like others, its communication, but also, we're planners. We have goals that we set together and work together to make, like when we were saving to buy our first house. One of the things that we had in common was that we wanted the same kind of life style and life! So we sit down and work out our lives together and that has really been key for us. It's not that we don't also have our own independent goals, we both have careers, but we're always making sure that we're moving forward together and supporting each other in our own paths!

Jo
 
Donna-
I know this sounds kind of corny, but he needs to learn the rules of fair fighting. Bringing up old stuff is NOT fighting fair and you should tell him so. To fight fair, you have to stick to the issue at hand, not bring up ancient stuff. You are absolutely right not to tolerate it!
 
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