Shrinking Violets Check-in
I enjoyed 3 rest days in a row coupled with a lot of social eating. I did not overeat, but I am still feeling bloated and sluggish tonight after eating more sugar and restaurant food than I have in 6 weeks. My body needed a little vacation, so I gave it one. No regrets.
I have basically been doing fun workouts for the last 6 weeks with 1-2 rest days every week. I am in stuck a holding pattern. I am delighted to discover that maintenance is this easy for me, but maintenance is not where I want to be right now. I am changing my rotation for the next 6 weeks to focus on more weight training and more cardio (with water workouts added to the mix). A friend took some progress pictures of me tonight, and I am ready to start training hard again in the morning.
I have been avoiding the club since March for a variety of reasons (like burnout and feeling self-conscious about my size among other things). You might think I am silly to feel this way, but some people are really rude. Last year, I was in the fitness center talking to a personal trainer friend of mine when an older man walked over to me and interrupted our conversation to tell me that I am too pretty to be so fat. He held up a white towel in front of my body and declared that I am a very attractive woman from the neck up. It was not just a humbling experience. It was humiliating. I felt like an exhibit at the zoo before that. An obese woman in a weight room stands out like a pink elephant in a swimming pool. It has been my experience that athletic clubs are often country clubs for fit people instead of places for fat people to get fit. When I read threads on fitness forums wondering why obese people do not join gyms and do something about their weight, I have to restrain myself. I am humbling myself, laying aside my pride, and going to have fun in that place again come what may. I ran into the club director tonight at the grocery store. Five minutes later, I ran into another member of the club. Okay, I get the message. It is time for me to return.
I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being judged for the way I look. I am tired of people stereotyping me as lazy and uneducated about fitness. That is the glory of these forums. None of you know what I look like. I wish people in real life could see through these layers of fat to my heart. I am not uneducated or lazy. I eat cleaner and exercise more than most of my thin friends (not counting the fitness professionals). Sometimes I wonder if people realize how hard it is to conquer obesity permanently. Then there are the comments about water workouts and home (video) workouts not being real workouts, but do not get me started on that tonight!
I apologize for my hormonal rant. I am feeling emotional tonight for a variety of reasons, and it is better to write it out than eat through it.
Blessings,
Heather B.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
