Relationships ending, blame and why is it always "me"

RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne,
I'm sorry for all the pain you are going thru. Unfortuately someone always shoulders the blame and in most cases (but not always) it is the guy.

I hope it gets better soon for you.


Kim
 
RE: Spur and Max.....

LOL!! Trevor??? The skirt wearer??? I don't think so ... skirt CHASER perhaps (and I mean that in the most endearing way, Trev!! :) :) :)) but the wearer? Not a chance.

Carol
}(
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Hope whatever it is works itself out for you, Wayne. I'm sorry you're so down. It's not only one person to "blame" when relationships end. There are two sides to every story.

Carol
;)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Thanks for the replys guys. I wasn't sure what to say actually after reading some of the above! I wrote a rather long, boring post and then deleted it. I needed to vent (still do) and will (if you don't mind?).

Life is hard at the moment, not too hard, as my feelings (though strong) as changing.

Thank you all, and i will write later.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Just to clarify (as I’ve been reading again comments). I find myself to be perfectly manly. I resemble a man. Act like one. Sure I’m sensitive to feelings, emotions, etc…but you wouldn’t know I was gay by looking. I also shout, scream, cry, fight, drink, eat and the lot just like “normal” men. Though gay relationships are very “stereotypical” on TV. Camp, etc…and though most of the time it can be like that, it isn’t always. I’m nothing like anyone from Queer as Folk or Queer eye for the straight guy. I’m just me, who happens to be gay.

I wouldn’t say either was more masculine or feminine, but I would say that I’m more assertive. But I don’t cause half the arguments or upsets. I’m must more easy going.

Relationships are about love, not “who leads who on the dance floor”.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Hi Wayne --

I think Nadine said it best: someone who loves you will accept you exactly the way your are today. Regardless of your race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, whatever -- that, in my opinion, is love. It is not the romantic idea of a hollywood relationship and it shouldn't be difficult and make your crazy. You deserve a relationship that complements you -- nothing else is worth your time. I think you're great! You should too.

take care of yourself,
Shonie
 
RE: Spur and Max.....

I am NOT bitter! I'm just a realist!:D

And, for the record, we women have our faults too. For example, we're constantly saying one thing when we mean another, and we expect men to be able to translate. We do stupid things to "test" our man's love for us. When our man asks us what's wrong, when something clearly is, we say "nothing" and then we cry. We put too much stock in Hollywood movies & expect our relationships to be these grand romances w/o compromise, drudgery or the occasional "down times."

See, no bitterness, just practical. Men are from Mars, women from Venus, yadda yadda yadda. The lord played a very cruel joke when she created man & woman (I'm pretty sure for her own entertainment), & I just know she's up there giggling every day when she watches our exploits. ;-)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

I'm sorry, I was basing the relationship on a man and a woman. But a relationship breaking up always hurts. I am sorry you are hurting and I hope things get better for you soon.


Take Care,
Kim
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Vent away Wayne! The "Dr.s" are in!

Nadine

~~Happiness is an Attitude~~
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne-

Hope things look better today. Life can be so rough at times. You seem like such a thoughtful and caring guy....hope the next best thing is just around the corner for you.

Sami
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Yesterday i received a string of ugly, nasty, abusive texts messages intended to cause pain. And they did. They were ugly and hurt me deeply. And though i'm sure he is hurting and thats the reason behind the stuff being said, they were and still are so upsetting to me that i now question if i was ever really loved at all. These were some nasty texts messages.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne, I'm sorry he did this to you. Sometimes it's a person's way of lashing out for defense reasons. You know ... sort of "hurt them before they hurt me" kind of thing. Doesn't justify it, but I know people in "real" life who operate that way. The core is that they don't really love themselves, so it's difficult for them to love another human being, although they don't really understand that yet. I'm playing psychologist again here, but I have seen this seemingly bizarre behavior in people I never expected it from. Once they get out all the emotion, they seem fine again.

I'm sure you both are hurting right now. Maybe give it some time and try to talk again? I hope this resolves itself for both of you.

Carol
:)
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Today I received more texts and then a 4 page e-mail. It was intended to hurt, scar, damage and destroy me. He succeeded. It was all about “me” my faults, failures and things I “did” wrong. And then he went a step too far and e-mailed this “personal” information to my friend. The pain, misery and hurt I feel right now cannot be described. Any love I felt he had for me has gone. I will never believe that I was loved. He wanted to hurt me and he succeeded. I was a liar. Unfaithful. Hurtful. Spiteful. Etc…I am none of those things.

Sending it to my friend was cruel. He also texted her and e-mailed her. Insinuating, when she replied, that she was a liar and that it was “me” replying! I was unaware this was going on.

I was even told I was unfaithful with a female friend of mine!

People can be so cruel. I have not, or will be, cruel back.

I’m hurting right now.
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne,

Just delete these messages do not give him the satisfaction of hurting you, eventhough you are already hurting. Do not read them and tell your friend if she gets any mail from him to also delete it.

You need to move on and you will see that everyday the hurting will be a little less and less. Do not compromise your pride and morals for someone that is not worth it.

When you discribed yourself it reminded me of my brother Jaime, he is always getting hurt because he gives 110% of himself and leaves himself open for these selfish men who take advantage of him.

((((hugs))))

Josie
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

I can see that you are hurting but it seems to me that you are better off without this person, aren't you? If he is being this cruel and unloving and trying only to hurt, include your friends in his deceit and spread lies about you? Perhaps you can block these messages? They don't seem to be doing anyone any good :(
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Um Wayne, may I give you some advice? At this point I would block this person from your email list. You really aren't obligated to read things like that. I'm sorry someone has done this to you. What a nut!! Sorry, but crap like that is quite deliberate and goes beyond having to "vent". Emailing personal things like that to others is uncalled for, and quite immature, IMHO. Block him, forget him, and move on.

Carol
:(
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

And so it comes to an end. After e-mailing my friend very personal and might i add, very inaccurate stuff, he tried to call me. I do not answer the phone. This is at 4:00pm. The calling continues. I turn the phone off. He calls my home. He texts me (i loved you, i always did, etc...). Now if he always loved me and always did, why cause me such misery and hurt? Why blame me for the entire thing? And say i was/ am unfaithful? I haven't to him. And it is clear he never was faithful to me now. Anyway... at around 4:30pm this afternoon he e-mails my friend again saying that i won't take his calls and that i "walked out on him". He also tries to call her. She does not respond. 7:00pm comes and he texts saying (i loved you, always did) and then tells me he is coming to see me. I text him telling him "i do not want to speak to you" "please do not come to the house". I decide to go for a walk, just in case, and as i return, he is leaving my home. And inside is a letter waiting for me. It reads:

"Wayne, i know this will hurt but, i do not wish to be in a relationship with you anymore. I don't want to try again. I will not come and see you again."

Now am i missing something here? He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me? Why text me telling me you love me then? Or call and leave me messages crying? But the funny thing is i thought i ended things two days ago? Right? He e-mails my friend telling her i "walked out" and then writes me a letter ending it!!! He clearly just wants to feel that he has "ended" things so that might make him feel better. My mum, and friends think he's just trying to get a response from me and i should not text, call or e-mail him. I think they are right, but it is very hard not too! When all i want to do is scream "i ended things" I did. You are a complete nut".

I ended things, i said "goodbye and walked out" yet here he is telling me he's done it! What part of our past is reinvented here? Sigh...oh well, all done now i guess. Still, it is hard, it is hurtful and i did care very, very much. But i put up with so, so much. Example: (sorry for going on guys!) The first 5 months of our relationship all he did was talk about his sexual partners. Where. How many. What positions. How often. How good they were. The places (bushes, parks, etc... cruising - yuck). Hell, he even told me all the stuff him and his wife did! When i tired to tell him to stop, that it is hurtful. His reponse...i'm trying to silence his past! Hardly, but this stuff is cruel and shouldn't be said. He also told me that i get the worst of him (sexually) and that the others didn't. Gee, what a nice guy...
 
RE: Relationships ending, blame and why is it always

Wayne,

It doesn't sound like this guy ever deserved you in the first place. Just continue trying to be strong. Don't give in to his pettiness. Let him say whatever he wants and let him make up whatever he wants. Just ignore it. He's trying to get the best of you. He wants you to stoop down to his level. Just walk away. He hurt you before and continues to hurt you with these childish things he is doing - don't waste your time worrying about it. Take care of you.

Bianca
 
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