Lynne:
you are trying to do it al and no wonder you get sick!
You and I both have to learrn to let go, to lease control to someone else: to delegate some of this house and family chores to the hubby. I am in the same boat as you: I do it all too, and hence the nature of my sickness.
You are letting your husband get away with murder: he tries to wash up and cook and do the laundry? What does that mean? Don't let him get away with this. You owe it to yourself and your right to be healthy to get him way more involved than this. You both bring in the money, so why are you the only one sporting the maid's uniform? He is 50 % responsible for care of the house in which he lives and enjoys clean clothes and a good meal, and 50% responsible for the care of the children he helped to conceive. Period.
Write down a list of all the chores that have to be done on a daily basis, then all the ones that have to be done on a weekly basis, then all the ones that have to be done on a monthly basis. My husband tries to pull the wool over my eyes, he says "I do help out because I prepare the tax returns each year and I do the car insurabce forms." Hello? Those are once a year obligations. Bullshit. I get left with all the daily and weekly chores that grind me down to nothing and make me ill. Does that seem fair to you? But we are both making a big mistake here: we are both letting them get away with it and we are suffering the consequences.
When you have draawn up the lists, sit down with him and give him the pen: invite him to ssign his name next to the chores he agrees to assume responsibility for. Make sure it is even Stevens.. He must take 3 of the 6 weeklies, 4 of the 8 dailies, and 2 of the 4 yearlies. You must take the same amount and no more. I would always take laundry: I am good at it and there's no way I am entrsuting my delictaes to my husband's ignorance. he would take washing up: and it may take awhile before he does it to your satisfaction, but he has to be allowed to muddle through it in his own way otherwise you will be wearing the maid's uniform into your grave. Practice makes perfect. The more washing up he does, the better he will get at it. If you see plates with great gobs of food on them, simply take them out of the drying rack and put them back for re-washing. He'll get the message after a while. Simple.
Get him to agree to bath the children and get them in their jammies. Thisis the time you need to do your workout. bath time is fun: why wouldn't he ant to have fun with his kids? Kids have a right to some "just kids and Dad time". And you have a right to some "just for Mum time." If you can fit in 2 workouts during the week after work (one long cardio, one total body weights), while your husband deals with the kids, and then two longer workouts at the weekend (cardio and weights on each day, hitting different body parts), then you will be doing a great thing for yourself without adding too much extra to your routine. 4 days per week can do excellent things for you: you don't need to do more than that, but less than that can be frustrating and make you give up. I know, been there, done that. With 4 days, you could get in 3 cardios and wwork each body paart twwice wwith weights: a optimal program.
But it will never happen until you agree to release control, conceive of your husband as an equal partner in the relationship and as yourself as an equal partner and realize your right to time off to focus on yourself.
Good luck to us both. This gender battle just 'aint going away any time soon. I'm on your side.
Clare