Rant - Gender Discrimination

[Gobias]

Excuse my venting, but I deal with gender discrimination on a daily basis & it is wearing me out. I have so many outrageous stories that they sound made-up. The most frustrating part is that it comes from many different people on a regular basis (not just 1 or 2 ignorant people...although that would also be frustrating). It is affecting my ability to do my work because I deal with having to explain to people that yes, I am a woman and you can talk/work with me. No, you don't have to wait for a man to be present. Yes, I am capable and can understand what you are saying. No, I don't need a man to explain it. No, I am not married and WTH does my marital status have to do with anything?

Without getting too detailed or go on too long, I own 2 businesses. Apparantly that is a sin for a couple of reasons: 1) I am a female, who owns a business and 2) One business in particular would be looked at traditionally as a 'man's' line of work (even though I don't work as that traditionally 'man's' job, rather I *employ* them & make sure they have jobs).

The other business is probably still looked at as a business a 'man' would do/take care of, but less so. However, I get the snarky comments of basically saying 'that's cute you own that business' or they think it is a hobby of mine.

I've dealt with this in non-work situations throughout my life (going to the car dealer only to have salesperson ask if my husband would be in, or ignoring me when explaining a product & instead speaking to my brother/father/guy friend/boyfriend, me telling a salesperson I will take it and they ask if my husband will be in to buy it or asking if I need my husband's permission first). However I have let those situations roll right off of me and not bother me. But now this behaviour is preventing me from finishing my work in an efficient manner and it is downright offensive and annoying.

Before I bought the 1st business I got advice from 2 sets of friends who have owned businesses (both married couples) and oddly enough, both women forewarned me separately of this behaviour and told me stories. While I listened to them, I thought I would be able to handle it due to me being semi-used to encountering this behaviour (see above). I had no idea it would impede my work and be so trying.

The weird thing is I get it from women also! And I get it from a wide variety of people I deal with and I continue to get it after I explain to them that I am the person they are to deal with, not a man.

Ok, end of rant. I have stories I should publish. Anyone else deal with this? How do you manage? I can't just 'let it roll off' me or ignore it since this is my career.

 

[RapidBreath]

You don't deserve this at all.

These days, that just seems to antiquated. I'm so sorry that you are going through this crappy discrimination. I just think of it as hidden intimidation, they are intimidated by us because the truth is we can handle more at one time than our male counterparts. Its foolish. It stems from a fear that their relationships with other males will falter or fail because of the presence of a female. When a woman is around they feel like its necessary to compete for her affections and they loose the ability to objectively work with other males as part of a team. It threatens their sense of self. Why? Well, because they are second bananas and they feel inferior. Guys who are the alphas don't have that problem, it would never occur to them that the woman wouldn't choose him. The alphas have a secure sense of self. I know this because I work with mostly males in construction. They don't give me any guff because my Dad is the big man on site and has set the tone for acceptance for women (most of the time. he is still sexist towards me anyway. but they don't get out of line because if I'm unhappy, he can fire them.)

I just look at it this way: in tough economic times, why would you refuse work with a woman? I just tell them that 'you're not helping'. I don't need to hire someone that is subpar and to continue to work with someone that is about 100 years behind is just bad business. Whats worse, it can lead to a law suit in which you could be named (not saying it would actually be your fault, but ignoring illegal behavior is condoning it. Its not hard for an attorney to make that leap and make a case for a jury.)

I don't have a great solution for you. I am lucky. I work and carry myself in such a manner that I don't get that a whole lot. The only thing that might help is meditation to release yourself from the responsibility and damage from verbal abuse (which is what this is.) Your sense of confidence has been damaged (I have been there!) and you don't have to agree with their point of view. I think of it as beneath me. To ignore the magnificent qualities and benefit of having women on the workforce is juvenile, its 5th grade behavior. But, we must be careful, that kind of behavior leads to violence against women in the work place. Be careful, never be alone with these guys, never invite them to your home. Always have someone with you at all times. You can start to document the number of instances. Keep a journal with dated entries and exactly (as best you can remember) what happened and who was there. That can ultimately lead to a legal action (if you want one.) and at the least it can give you fire power if they threaten your job.

The other option is to slowly phase these low lifes out and hire women owned businesses. Look around, ask around at the women's associations. They can be very helpful.

I am very sorry that you are also experiencing this from our gender. Its disgusting and short sited. I see that as another example of someone being territorial and intimidated. They don't bite unless they feel cornered. Sometimes its a 'you need to pay your dues' thing. Other times its a 'I feel less than you' thing. In either event its time for 'how to deal with a bully' training. I have taken some seminars on this. I don't remember all of the scripts but I have found them to be helpful. I took mine through Star 12, but I'm sure you can find them anywhere.

One word: Hugs.

 

[melimcn]

I'm sorry you're so frustrated. I live in this world as well. And like you, I mostly let it roll off of me, marveling at the idiocy of some men. Your car dealer story was particularly fun...the last time I bought a car, during the test drive I was shown a) the mirror that flips down on the visor....specifically for putting on lipstick! b) the sunglass holder and c) the radio controls. REALLY????? I purposely did not buy a car from that man. For that reason.

I feel like women are actually the perpetrators of this stereotype. There are so many that actually are, or pretend to be, utterly helpless without a man. (My mom comes to mind.) So it doesn't surprise me that women give you this same challenge.

All I can say is, I feel your pain.

 

[janiejoey]

I don't own any bussiness and have been retired for quite some time now. I just have to say that I can't even imagine what you are going through. I only know what it was like when I was working. Horribly discrimination from men and women. Worked at Boeing. I was one of them that had nothing to do. Three times I made up work, taking work from people who didn't want to do theirs and made up work for myself. One was taken by a man that was under me. The other two were women that were above me. Yes.

In today's workplace, I'm awed that this still exists. And so proud of you! Please, try not to let this effect you. It must be hard, but grow another layer of skin and continue on. Do what you have to do to get through this. You have gone this far, get a plan on how to work this out and go from there.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Janie

 

[fox2star]

Hi,

I understand your pain...just another example...we were going to get air conditioning installed in our house, ( the new split system type for homes with hot water heat)...and there was a company I called to come and give us an estimate that would not come if my husband wasn't going to be home at the agreed upon time...

We didn't go with them of course..