Pity party invitation

N

nastsm0m

Cathlete
Ok so it's the 4th of July and everywhere I turn people are going to bbq's and parties with their families. I however am single and am not close to my imediate family except for my son who is also my ONLY child. So anyway I am feeling very left out as all my friends are off enjoying family get togethers with their husbands and SO's. I have chosen not to date for the last 18 months for personal reasons ( most men suck) so when I do go to these parties I feel like a third wheel. It's odd that this only came up this holiday. On christmas and other holidays I never feel lonely. I am usually the one enntertaining on those holidays maybe that's why it is different. Maybe my real problem is that I need to get back out into the dating scene but heck who could put up with my exercise obsession! My last two relationships couldn't. Oh well I needed to vent and I appreciate all of you here for always being so supportive. :)
 
This year my husband is out of town so I'm home alone with just my two kids. Normally, we'd get together with my brother to bbq and watch fireworks, but not this year.

So, while I'm not quite in the same boat as you are I can sort of relate to the lonliness of this holiday when there are not alot of people available to celebrate it with.

As for myself, I'm going to workout for a couple of hours tomorrow and then get some stuff done around here that's been needing my attention for a while.

We do live less than a mile from the beach where they have a fireworks show every year so at least we can park our butts out on the deck and watch that. But otherwise it's going to be uneventful.

And also, I'm married for the 2nd time so I KNOW what the dating scene is like. The best advice I can give is to hang in there and enjoy being single and not having to worry about a man. You are SO lucky you can focus alot of attention on your workout obsession.
 
Terri, don't feel bad. Enjoy & savor your holiday anyway you want. You don't have to have a SO just to have fun. Unfortunately, it does feel sad when your friends are not available though.

One thing I want to share with you is that you can confidently enjoy an evening out by yourself. My DH is very antisocial. He is the sweetest man, and can strike up an intelligent conversation about anything in the world, with just about anyone in the world, (I don't exaggerate). He just does not like getting together with people. He is very OCD. So I have become accustomed to accepting invites without him. At first it was weird, I felt like a single woman. He doesn't want to participate in any social events but I occasionally do. I would hate to drag his butt with me because he would be miserable, in turn making me miserable. If I stay home with him & miss out, I get angry & resentful & problems brew. It took me several years to realize I can go out & try things I'm interested in such as different restaurants, different people, parties etc., sans the spouse. Maybe I'm missing something but I don't feel like a third wheel. I can go out with my Ex-husband & his girlfriend & enjoy a dinner. I can go visit my friends & their families alone or with Mallory in tow & I can enjoy myself & appreciate their closeness. I can spend an entire weekend home alone, and I can appreciate myself.

So enjoy yourself & your friends when you feel like it. If you don't feel like having a SO right now, there's no rule that says you need to have one to be happy and enjoy yourself.

Marla
 
Your post is very timely in that I experience the same thing every holiday. My husband and I moved up to Cleveland about 3 years ago to work for my parent's family business. We have made few friends because no one wants to be the kiss-a** friends of the boss. My parents live 10 minutes away but are incredibly anti-social! They don't like to get together for holidays, birthdays, anything. It blows!

I often feel jealous of everyone I work with who gets to spend time with their family but its funny, many of them resent having to get together all the time and would rather have time to themselves.
 
Sigh-- us too! We'll be spending the fourth by ourselves.
We moved quite a distance from where our family is so that I could attend school and have made no friends. It's to the point where I get really depressed about it, but we'll hopefully be moving back towards home next May. . .

L
 
I've been in your situation, and even now, though I have an SO, I'm not really that close to my immediate family and my friends have either all moved out of state in the past few years or else are off on vacation or with families. So we won't be at a party or bbq either. My big ambitions for the day are to convince the BF to get off his computer games and take a walk, and to clean the bathrooms. x(

Oh, and he is going to cook hamburgers for dinner tonight so that I can pretend I'm having bbq. :(
 
I'm happy to R.S.V.P. to your party!

I have no one in my life, no kids, no friends where I live, I'm not close to my family so I don't expect to talk to them...etc.

For me, the 4th is just a day off from work when I have time to catch up on house work. That's how most of my holidays are. I've spent the last couple years worth of Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, Labor Days, President's Days and Martin Luther King, Jr. Birthdays alone.

You may be feeling lonely because the 4th is usually such a social occasion. But to make you feel better, the first signature didn't go on the Declaration of Independence until August 2, 1776. So the 4th of July is a sham! :p

Lunacat
 
I'm so sorry you feel so alone. We're here for ya!! I remember that feeling after my first husband and I got divorced after 13 years. I felt so lonely on the holidays...watching everyone else and their loved ones together. I always hosted the family celebrations. But after my divorce, not one person in my family hosted anything or included me in what they were doing. My work-out obsession was born at that time..haha So, something good came out of it. I'm married again now, and I love my husband dearly, but I would give anything for a little time to just be alone now and just kind of do what I want to do. I guess we always think the grass is greener, don't we? Well, thinking of you and wishing you a great workout!!!! Have fun!! You're not alone...you have us! :)
 
I'll join your party. My holiday was on Friday, so I'm stuck at work all day. And I have raging PMS. I'll be loads of fun!

I'm sorry you're feeling down Terri. I'm around all day if you wanna chat or vent or rant:)
 
I think Independance Day is wonderful but I am sick and tired of every celebration we just have to do. Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, boo! I have to be dragged to bbq's and parties and this year we'll be heading off with thousands of other people to watch fireworks which my kids don't find as thrilling as I did when I was a kid because life there lives are so electronic, they are jaded. If my 16 year old declares how bored she is one more time, I swear my head will explode! The kids will probably argue and grouse most of the time since that's all they seem to be able to do these days. I am having my front passenger side car seat removed because of the whole issue of who is sitting shotgun because it's something that they love to fight about and they think life should be fair. Ha ha ha ha ha! Plus, my husband works every holiday, except Christmas and Thanksgiving, and I often let him stay home because there's a huge sale at Dobbs Honda today and he may end up getting stuck or come home cranky and tired. I hope he isn't because then I'll have to brave the umpteen cars that will be looking for someplace to park. Oh, how I hate that! Celebrate YOUR independance, Terri! :)
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
Terri--I'm sorry you're feeling lonely today. I think Marla's post said it all. Just because you're doing things without a man, doesn't make you any less of a person!

Bobbi--Sorry the kids are getting on your nerves. Are the parking garages at U of A still a good place to watch the fireworks? We did that one year and the parking wasn't that bad. The bad part of that is you don't have a front row seat to see A Mountain catch fire from the fireworks.

I lived in Tucson for 18 years and my parents HATED traffic so we usually watched from our roof--but since we lived over on the east side (Pantano/Irvington area) the fireworks were always TINY--about 1 inch across. Still as a kid it was just fun being on the roof! :) My parents/grandma still live there, but I think they're too old to go roof climbing! ;)

Ladies, I hope you have at least an OK day today.

Nadine

~~Happiness is an Attitude~~

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3517754&
 
Thanks to all of you kind ladies for you your words and wisdom on this subject. I see that I am not alone in this, yet also see that some people would actually like to be in my shoes with no obligations for the holiday. I feel so much better today then when I wrote that last night thanks to all of you! It is so nice to have people I feel close to and can talk with who care even though we have never met! This is such a great place and I am so happy to be a part of it. Thanks again for cheering me up and waking me up to the fact that I really don't have it that bad. We all seem to have things to deal with on holidays that we don't like.

Terri
 
Wow, I sure can relate, especially to you, Lunacat. My life was just like yours for decades. Holidays were just a day off from work and a great chance to clean the apartment and work out. I would get invited to family events, but being with my family just made me feel lonelier somehow. I am introverted and crave time alone, yet feel lonely just knowing that everyone else is doing something, even though I don't want to do it!

I met my husband when I was 40 and got married when I was 45. It was a HUGE step. I sometimes miss my neat, perfect little OCD apartment and having to please no one but myself, but I'm a lot less lonely now. Life is just one big trade-off. And I still feel lonely sometimes when my DH and I have no plans with anyone, like today. But I don't really want to have any plans, because I want my time alone. I guess I'm really hard to please.

Anyway, these forums are great. We can have our cake and eat it too!
 
I can empathize. I'm also single, and not close to my family. Holidays can be tough, but I don't mind them that much. I pretty much just do my own thing and try to ignore that fact that most other people are getting together. When I think about it, I don't really like hanging out with a lot of people anyway, and the smell of barbecuing meat (typical fourth of July fare) isn't appealing to me.
 
I have been on my roff more than once when we were centrally located. I live on the far Northwest side now where there used to be nothing but desert. It's bustling theses days. There is an abundance of choice this year. We used to go down to the end of Speedway to watch the fireworks over A Mountain. Green Valley did an awesome celebration on a golf course and the fireworks went of overhead but that's been moved to Sauhrita H.S and it's a schlep so we'll be going to Canyon Del Oro H.S. in Oro Valley to watch the fireworks from The El Conquistidor. The new park in Oro Valley, which has a unbelievable view of Pusch Ridge, is under renovation so OV's celebration has been moved to the school. The Tucson Symphony plays the 1812 Overture as well as America the Beautiful, The Star Spangled Banner... It's very nice actually. I may pull out my duct tape to keep the kids quiet for awhile. Maybe put them in the trunk? I'll have to bind their hands to keep them from taking the tape off their mouths and that way they can't pull the latch we discovered in our trunk for people who manage to get locked in there. Riddle me that one. At least, everyone is sleeping in today and it's very quiet right now! My girls cannot be within a few feet of one another without be mouthy and mean and there's nothing more dangerous than bored kids. Boo, hoo, hoo. I wish I could get bored. I wish they'd find cleaning an accpetable cure for boredom. But no-o-o, following me to complain about being bored is more fun. :) On the bright side, we cook out so often that I am thinking eating out is the way to go tonight and then we can head over to the festivities. I should grab a book and sneak over to Starbucks before anyone wakes up. Books were how I staved off boredome when I was a kid. No digital tv, video games, dvd's, computers and I wasn't bored. Of course, it didn't average 107 in Michigan either. We stayed outside a lot more than my kids can.

I do hope your parents and grandma stay off the roof, Nadine! LOL!

Your tag line says it all. Happiness IS an attitude and boredom a choice so we are having a great day. Or Else! ;)
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
OK, this is hijacking the thread a bit, but I couldn't resist:

>>there's nothing more dangerous than bored kids. Boo, hoo, hoo. I wish I could get bored. I wish they'd find cleaning an accpetable cure for boredom. But no-o-o, following me to complain about being bored is more fun.<<

Every time they whine at you for being bored, immediately stuff a broom or a dust cloth or a toilet bowl brush into their hands and tell them that if they are so bored and lacking in creativity that they can't find an acceptable activity to do on their own, you have plenty of things to occupy their day with. My mom used to do that to us--stopped the whining real fast. I think her trick was that she actually pushed a dust cloth, etc on us and basically ordered us to go clean--didn't make it optional or ask us to help. And she did it consistently, so we knew exactly what we were in for if we whined or, for that matter, started picking fights with each other out of boredom.

HTH! }(
 
Hang in there Terri.

Yes holidays can be tough, actually I was feeling somewhat blue as my kids are grown up and too old for the town festivities. Our little town has a good old fashioned 4th with kid field events in the am, a parade where the fire engines spray the kids and throw out candy and later fire engine rides.

Bobbi hang in there. Yes we all have our days with teens, but overall they really are great time I think. My son is 16 but with health issues of the past year we have a totally different set of issues. He is doing well, finding new outlets (learning golf, hockey) and positive about the future. We go to the brain surgeon this month PRAY it goes well. What a year it has been.

Hope you are able to find some holiday activities for tonight - even if its watching the fireworks on tv !
 
I just want to wish and your son a Happy 4th of July, I had a barbecue and invited my best friend, and we kind of had an open house for my son's friends, we had a lot of people over, some of them we only seen a few times. I have learned to be make friends you have to be one and genuily care for others. We had a great time. BTW, I am single MoM with two kids.
 
Logos, My son is 24 and he lives on his own. I agree to make friends you have to be one. My hats off to you for being a single mom. I know that from experience it is a tough job! So worth it though :) Anyway my son just called and invited me to go downtown with him and his friend and her 2 year old for dinner and fireworks. So that sounds like fun and I am really happy he asked me. So glad yoour bbq turned out well. I am thankful once again to all of you who were so kind to read this and give me your input and share your stories.

Terri
 
We had a fun evening! My kids are such goombahs but they can charm me when the want to. The resturant was dead, parking was a breeze and we were home and ready for bed by 10:00. I love fireworks and there was a lot of ooohs and ahhhhs, some intentionally overdone but I am big enough to take being mocked! :D
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
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