OT: Ideas please

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
For the last few years my life has been going from work to home. The only people I really see are my secretary, an occasional client, and my husband. I think I'm finally at a point where I'm ready to get out a bit more. I want to add some activity to my life that will enhance my life and introduce me to people with similar interests. If possible, I would love to meet some other women in my general age group. There are several different categories of activities I'm thinking of, but I want to choose only one to start. Some of my ideas are as follows:

1. Volunteer work with adolescents and/or children.
2. Volunteer work (pro bono legal work?) with the elderly.
3. Pilates or other exercise classes.
4. Book club.

I'm very open to suggestions. I'm the kind of person who can often figure out the right thing for someone else to do, but can never figure out what makes sense for me. So, if you know me, or even if you don't, all suggestions are welcome.

Thanks!
 
Last edited:
Nancy, those all sound like good ideas. I particularly like #3. Does the gym where you have your membership offer classes. That would be a great starting place. I also love the ideas of volunteering. My only thought on that is your purpose for doing this is to meet new people. Well, volunteering can be fun and you will meet new people, but it can also end up feeling like work too. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.
 
Yes, Catherine, my health club has lots of classes and it's only a block from my apartment. And the classes are free because I'm a member. So why haven't I joined any? Good question. I think you may be right that that is the perfect starting place. It's probably the easiest thing I can do.

Your comment about volunteer work makes sense. Interesting that I only mentioned meeting new people and not wanting to do some good in the world. However, I'm tired of just being focused on myself and I have a nurturing nature that wants to express itself. I had a rough adolescence and have often thought of working with adolescent girls who are going through a rough time. My only concern with volunteer work is time commitments. While you can stay home sick from a yoga class, I would not consider it acceptable to miss a volunteer work appointment. So the commitment factor is a bit scary. But ultimately I think the volunteer work has the potential for being the most fulfilling thing I can do.
 
I volunteer at my local SPCA and the time is very flexible. I walk and socialize the dogs and play with the cats. I have also become involved with socializing feral kittens. You can pop in whenever you have the time. I have no set days or hours and just try to get in there for a few hours a week. I also belong to a book club that I really enjoy. We are 7 women who meet every 5 weeks. We are pretty good at sticking to discussing the book but we also have become friends and spend time talking about more personal matters. We have been together now for more than 5 years. I own a gallery/Asian antiques furniture store so often meet people thru my business. A friend of mine who also works solo says she goes to Barnes and Nobles in the evening for a coffee and often meets people there.
 
Nance,

I'm feeling much the same as you. I no longer work, but my world is so small anymore, restricted to working at home and venturing out only to care for sick/elderly family, and the occasional dinner out with my DH. It's isolating and a little lonely.

I like Catherine's suggestion and I'm wondering if you could actually start there, and then gradually add in volunteer work. I'm partial to elder care, but I'm sure any organization catering to adolescents would LOVE to have someone of your stature, intelligence, and compassion working with them. I can easily picture you as a role model for teenage girls. ;)

One caveat about volunteer work -- often the more you're willing to give, the more you will be called upon to give. It's the rule of 10%'s where 10% of the staff do 100% of the work. My last volunteer position was like that and I got burned and then eventually burned out. Be sure you find an organization where people work together and they're not just looking to find someone they can dump on. I hate to say that, but it's so true. And you often find people volunteering just so they can put it on a resume. :mad:
 
All of your ideas are good ones! If I were in your position, I'd do two: one volunteer position in which you're giving back to the community; and the group fitness classes, in which you're satisfying you and you alone.

Re the volunteering: your suggestion about pro bono work for the elderly sounds great! One thing I've seen, when people want to volunteer to help out troubled youth and reflect on their own troubled youths, is that it is extremely easy to become consumed in the lives and dysfunction of the youths with whom the volunteer is working, and (please, no offense meant here) it is also very easy for the volunteer to overidentify with the youths with whom they are working. I saw that a lot when I was working in the field of domestic violence prosecution: women who themselves had been abused emotionally and/or physically wanted to work with other DV victims, and far too often the work became a vehicle for the worker to hash (or rehash) out her own issues rather than be an objective resource for the client - especially younger clients.

Just some thoughts.

Also - have you considered taking an art class in a mode that appeals to you? Watercolor painting, sculpture, craft work, etc.? I too have contemplated taking on a new hobby since I've "retired" from group fitness instruction, and I do intend (someday) to start collage making, which I loved doing as a pastime in college.

A-Jock
 
Thanks for posting Miss Lee. I think your caretaking of your in-laws is definitely hard work, though I know you don't mind one tiny little bit. Actually, that's the best kind of volunteer work.

As far as volunteer work for me goes, I think working with the elderly ultimately may be the best thing as well only because I'm a trusts and estates lawyer, and there are many elderly people who can't afford to pay for me, yet still want to provide for what happens in the event of death. Also, those are the people who most need health care documents and powers of attorney and related documents. So, you see, it's kind of a no-brainer because it's easy for me to provide those services.

Thanks so much for saying you can picture me as a role model for teenage girls. I think it's incredibly hard to be an adolescent and it would be so rewarding to me to be able to help in any way I possibly could. But kids need consistency, and the commitment scares me a bit.

I know what you're going through. Your husband is so busy with his career. Mine has joined several different biking groups and goes out almost every weekend. He's also joined the coop board of our building, which is very time-consuming, and he has several other hobbies and activities. It's good for him and it will be good for me too to find my own activities. :)

Thanks so much for your thoughts!
 
Nance, you're inspiring me to want to get out there again and find a way to make use of my talents (if I can figure out WTH they are :eek: ), and to try and take responsibility for brightening my little corner of the world.

I've been thinking about this stuff a lot, especially lately, which is why I was drawn to your thread. I don't consider myself a leader. I'm not someone who is going to go out there and do great things or make a big splash. I know that I'm better suited in roles as a support person, behind the scenes where you get your hands dirty, doing small things that, hopefully, make a difference.

I love Annette's idea of taking a class, too. I was enrolled in an Italian language class for awhile and loved it, but it's not available anymore. I've been looking for another one but I haven't had any luck :(
 
nancy324 said:
1. Volunteer work with adolescents and/or children.
2. Volunteer work (pro bono legal work?) with the elderly.
3. Pilates or other exercise classes.
4. Book club.
Click to expand...
Of those suggestions, I think the Book Club would be the most likely one to get interaction with other people, and to find women of a similar age with similar interests.

The others are all good ideas, but don't really seem to address that as well.

Maybe start with the book club, then go on to another?

Or think about a service organization that interests you where you would have interaction with more people.

(By the way: what could possibly be OT in an 'Open Discussion' forum where we can talk about 'anything (we) like'?;))
 
Ajock, thanks so much for your input! I am so well aware of the syndrome you mention, that I purposely avoided becoming a psychologist, which was my first love in college, just because I knew I wouldn't be able to draw those lines in the sand. Your point in regard to volunteer work is very well taken. I think you helped me decide that to the extent I do volunteer work it will be with the elderly doing what I know best. :) It just makes sense for me to use my professional experience.

Kathryn, I agree with your comment on the book club, and my therapist has been pushing that idea for me as well. (BTW, just to explain, I understand your "OT" point from a logic perspective. However, the vast majority of threads in OT are about exercise, eating and health issues and I'd like to save people the trouble of opening this if that's what they're expecting).

Miss Lee, I wish you were close enough so we could join something together. That would be so much fun! :D
 
Nancy, I like the idea of you doing pro bono work with the elderly, since that is your area of expertise. Unless you would find doing more of the same a problem, you would be helping and meeting others. Just my 2 cents. Of course, when I retire and start looking for volunteer work, I'm not going anywhere near the hospital. LOL.
 
Book club, definitely.

This is, in my opinion, the option that brings you into contact with other people, more likely women, on an equal footing where you will most likely exchange info about each other and can decide which of the individuals you might like to meet outside of the club for other social activities. You'll get to read some fabulous books and exchange opinions about them, hearing the ideas of others which can help broaden horizons in a way that challenges your brain, and helps keep the synapses firing, in a way which is radically different from your legal work.

Volunteering, especially offering legal advice, may just seem an extension of your day to day employment. Volunteering, I have found, does not actually make you feel that good about yourself. You end up doing a lot of grunt work. Yes, some people will thank you for it, but I have found that it does not change me, or my opinions about the world all that much, it has not made me a better person, I am still me, and I find I tend to get irritated by some of the infrastructure that requires things to be done a certain way, not letting you use your initiative and just get on with it. Maybe it's just me. But I really do think that the "do something for others and you will find untold depths of humanity within yourself" idea is somewhat overrated. Also, the people you meet will be those for whom and to whom you are rendering a service, and it is unlikely that you will make many friends this way because you will not be on a equal footing with these people for they are inserted in society at a different level of power/disempowerment than you. Maybe you could make friends with the other volunteers, maybe not. I help out at my kids' schools all the time and none of the women I work with and alongside are at all interested in hanging out for coffee afterwards or at another time. No, they have lives that are overpacked and overstressed and they dash off home to see to the next thing on their "to do" list. And I think this is the problem with the exercise class also: you dash there, the focus is on the exercise itself and the instructor, not on getting to know your fellow exercisees, then people dash home again afterwards. I would put this option second in place, after the book club.

At the book club, you will find that only part of the discussion centres on the text in question, the rest of the evening bis pure social gathering, having a drink, some nibbles, and it is more conducive to meeting women who think as you do.

It is a shame I don't live near you, I'd love to start up a book club with women just like me and of this age-ish. That's what I would do. Maybe I'll start up a club of my own for women in their forties in Ann Arbor, MI?

Good luck Nancy and nice chatting with you. I certainly understand the "need for other avenues of self-expresssion and meeting new people" desire. I feel it too.

Clare
 
one or two ideas and a comment

The pro bono work with the elderly sounds really rewarding and will fill up your positive self image/self-respect bank. (Bet you didn't know you had one.)

I've been in a book club for over a year now and it is really nice to know women that are smart, intelligent, well read and not part of my work environment nor immediate family. This seems like a good place to start. Be aware that some groups have messy politics so keep looking if one group doesn't seem like a good fit.

Also, for lighter, less intense on the commitment, you can try some meetup dot com groups. Those can be fun. Just don't expect them to work the first time. I'm in a couple of photography groups and a dim sum group and another eclectic foods group. I don't go all of the time and I just rsvp no when I just don't have the time.

Art classes can be fabulous. I've taken a few water painting classes because my mother is an artist and it was a good way to spend some time with her.
The cool thing is you don't have to be good at it (I'm new.) its not like college, you don't need to get good grades just have a good time.
 
I am all for the pro bono work for starters. You have something to offer and this area needs the help you can give. I think the self satisfaction will be something that you can use to further your social outreach in other ways, but I think it would be great for you to use the gifts you have to help others.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top