A good friend of mine had a face lift recently and never told me. I had lunch with her yesterday and it was quite noticeable. I emailed her today and just said she looked different and she wanted to know if it was that obvious. I have confided in her in the past about my personal stuff and feel rather slighted that she never mentioned it to me. Am I being too sensitive or maybe I am not as close a friend as I think I am.
off topic>facelift
- Thread starter flatbelly
- Start date
Not a face-lift here, but I am in the process of getting porcelain crowns on my 6 front teeth. Am wearing temporary crowns right now. I didn't tell anybody, simply because I wanted to see if there was any reaction...and what I hear a lot is, "There is something different about you ...".
This is exactly what I wanted to hear. My teeth were awful, so much so that I was constantly putting my hand over my mouth...so I needed to fix that but didn't want to look real obvious.
Maybe your friend wanted to hear/see peoples' reactions without them having a preconceived idea of what had been done?? It would be more honest that way..nobody would feel compelled to say "Oh, you look (fill in the blank)".
Julie
This is exactly what I wanted to hear. My teeth were awful, so much so that I was constantly putting my hand over my mouth...so I needed to fix that but didn't want to look real obvious.
Maybe your friend wanted to hear/see peoples' reactions without them having a preconceived idea of what had been done?? It would be more honest that way..nobody would feel compelled to say "Oh, you look (fill in the blank)".
Julie
Maybe I'm panicking since , at 51, I look in the mirror and don't think I look bad.I never realized my friend's looks bothered her that much. She looks pulled up, taut and her lips look larger. I don't know..it brings up the way society looks at woman and aging. Always reminds me of the woman who wrote The First Wives Club. She died at the beginning of a face lift procedure.
Lisa
Lisa
berry99
Cathlete
Hi Lisa! I just needed to respond to this because something similar happened to me. My very good friend had liposuction and didn't tell me about it until afterwards. I too felt very slighted and hurt by this. I couldn't believe that she didn't tell me. Anyway, after being upset for a couple of days I talked to her about it and she said that she made up her mind and didn't want anyone trying to change it and also didn't feel like justifying her choice. I took her comments for what they were and understood where she was coming from, but it seemed to put up a barrier in our friendship that wasn't there pre-liposuction. So, I don't have any helpful comments, but just wanted to let you know that I have been there before!
Karin
Karin
nancy324
Cathlete
What do you mean Lisa? I never heard that. First Wives Club is my favorite movie of all time. How awful.
So, your friend didn't look bad to you before she had the procedure? I can see having something done to yourself if you look awful and stick out like a sore thumb, or look much older than you are. But if she just looked like an average woman her age, and now she looks too taut, it's a shame.
I have to agree with you, though. I would expect a close friend to tell me that she was having surgery. As Carole mentioned though, maybe she was afraid you might talk her out of it. If she looked okay to me, I probably would try to talk her out of it.
Now that it's over though, you should tell her how you feel, discuss it with her and clear the air.
-Nancy
So, your friend didn't look bad to you before she had the procedure? I can see having something done to yourself if you look awful and stick out like a sore thumb, or look much older than you are. But if she just looked like an average woman her age, and now she looks too taut, it's a shame.
I have to agree with you, though. I would expect a close friend to tell me that she was having surgery. As Carole mentioned though, maybe she was afraid you might talk her out of it. If she looked okay to me, I probably would try to talk her out of it.
Now that it's over though, you should tell her how you feel, discuss it with her and clear the air.
-Nancy
Well, there is still some stigma attached to plastic surgery on some levels, and, frankly, sometimes people can be quite judgmental about it. Maybe she was concerned about being the object of other peoples' discussions and judgments and it wasn't anything personal.
Just IMO.
Marie
Just IMO.
Marie
endorphin_junkie
Cathlete
This happened to me last summer. I was at a family cottage and one of my cousins who I hadn't seen in a few year was there. She has always been the family fashion plate extraordinaire but, we have developed a unique bond as over the years as I exposed her to such wonderful things as 4 wheeling in mud pits and down and dirty festival camping.
Face on she looked good until she spoke. She has had her lips injected with whatever and although they are nice and plump, when she talks and especially when she smiles there is a bib of lip that hung down over her teeth, yuchhhh....it looked like that zigzaggey skin when you pull up a dog's lips
I waited for a quiet moment to talk to her about it then we went out on the boat together. It was like the proverbial pink elephant in the room that no one wants to mention, I steeled my courage to ask and then thought, 'what for...I have nothing positive to say about it' so I just let it go. It makes me think no more or less about her. It's such a personal issue connected to self esteem, body image and vanity, who am I to judge? I guess if she asked me what I thought, I'd have bounced it back to her and asked if she was happy with the results, diplomacy is so great at deflecting negativity.
Take Care
Laurie
Face on she looked good until she spoke. She has had her lips injected with whatever and although they are nice and plump, when she talks and especially when she smiles there is a bib of lip that hung down over her teeth, yuchhhh....it looked like that zigzaggey skin when you pull up a dog's lips
I waited for a quiet moment to talk to her about it then we went out on the boat together. It was like the proverbial pink elephant in the room that no one wants to mention, I steeled my courage to ask and then thought, 'what for...I have nothing positive to say about it' so I just let it go. It makes me think no more or less about her. It's such a personal issue connected to self esteem, body image and vanity, who am I to judge? I guess if she asked me what I thought, I'd have bounced it back to her and asked if she was happy with the results, diplomacy is so great at deflecting negativity. Take Care
Laurie
gidget1978
Cathlete
She may not have told you b/c she wanted to find out if it was noticable or not. You know how people are.They want to get it done but don't want anyone to notice, I guess they want it natural looking I would probably be a bit offended to but truth be known thats probably why she didn't tell you, or maybe she thought you would give her a hard time about it.
Lori
I would probably be a bit offended to but truth be known thats probably why she didn't tell you, or maybe she thought you would give her a hard time about it.Lori
kathryn
Cathlete
> She may not have told you b/c she wanted to find out if it
>was noticable or not. You know how people are. They want to get
>it done but don't want anyone to notice, I guess they want it
>natural looking.
This could be it. She was going for a "I don't want it to be noticeable, I just want people to think 'wow, you look great! have you been getting more sleep' or something to that effect. Obviously, it didn't come out that way (though it may loosen up more and look more natural later).
>was noticable or not. You know how people are. They want to get
>it done but don't want anyone to notice, I guess they want it
>natural looking
.This could be it. She was going for a "I don't want it to be noticeable, I just want people to think 'wow, you look great! have you been getting more sleep' or something to that effect. Obviously, it didn't come out that way (though it may loosen up more and look more natural later).
"I steeled my courage to ask and then thought, 'what for...I have nothing positive to say about it' so I just let it go."
God bless you for that gracefulness. I am sure she is aware of her lip bib, and your tact was a gift to her. And if she is unaware, she can just go on and feel good about herself!
Julie
God bless you for that gracefulness. I am sure she is aware of her lip bib, and your tact was a gift to her. And if she is unaware, she can just go on and feel good about herself!
Julie
kathryn
Cathlete
>Thanks everyone for your opinions on this. Another friend
>said that in her opinion, having a facelift is like throwing
>away your history,,,,faces should have character and wrinkles
>to show life lived.
>Lisa
Amen to that!
(Though sometimes, I could do with a little less character!;-) )
>said that in her opinion, having a facelift is like throwing
>away your history,,,,faces should have character and wrinkles
>to show life lived.
>Lisa
Amen to that!
(Though sometimes, I could do with a little less character!;-) )