O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydrome

[robyn6002]

You guys are usually really great in terms of support for workout routines. I'm just throwing this out there hoping someone has gone through this and has some words of wisdom.

I'm a single Mom. Divorced since the kids were 1 and 3. Single momhood has been great for us. We are incredibly tight family. I've got a challenging career, good friends, work out regularly, strong spiritual beliefs. So I am well balanced, but kids have ALWAYS been #1. I've been blessed with 2 wonderful kids. They are good students, active in community, sports, nice friends. Particulary with my daughter we have been through so much together. She has gone through 3 groups of friends, since she doesn't want to drink or do drugs. I'm very proud but it has been full of heartbreak - values vs. fitting in. We do a lot together and never really had the trying teen years, when we couldn't stand eachother. Anyhow in Sept my daughter will go away to college. I'm Thrilled for her, it's her time to spread her wings. However I'm finding I feel very sad about it.

Has anyone else experienced this and dealt with it well. My kids were away this week on a work camp (habitat for humanity thing) and couldnt bring cell phones so of course this had made things tough.

I am usually very tough and strong , but this week It has been so difficult to get motivated to work out, be my best at work.

Anyhow would love to hear from anyone ....

Thanks

 

[mogambo]

Hi. My daughter started college last September and I raised her alone. I live in NC and I drove her up to Boston. So, after she was gone, there was no one home but me and the cat. She had been gone before for a month once, and for 3 months once, on group activities (NOLS for 3 months and a community service project in the South Pacific for one month), so I knew she had a fair amount of skills. I knew she was good with people and I knew that I had a distant relative in Boston who would help out in an emergency. But still, I was quite anxious about it for the first few weeks. She called me every day on her cell phone. She complained about the noise in the dorm, the lack of good food, the silly giggling girls everywhere, but after a few weeks, she had found some people, gotten in the groove with her classes and figured out the lay of the land.

Meanwhile, I was missing her and worrying but also enjoying the peace and quiet. No messes, no cell phones, no complaining about what's in the refrigerator, no people coming home at 1 am, no girls talking in her room all night, no one borrowing my car. Quiet, neat, quiet, neat. Ahhhh.

So, now I love to see her, she comes home every 6-8 weeks for a weekend. She'll be in DC for an internship over the summer. Everything is different. She is so much more mature, I have so much more confidence in her ability to handle things. I love living alone and now I'm used to it again.

My advice to you is, it'll be tough, but once you're on the other side of it, you realize it's just another one of the natural phases of parenthood. When they were born you were raising them to be functional adults, not dependent clinging dysfunctional people who never grow up and leave home, right? Well, the time is here. It's wonderful to have conversations with your adult children.

Keep in touch if you need more of my cheap advice!

 

[patricia024]

RE: O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydr...

I am also a single mom since '94 and last year was the first year
that my ex-took our son in the summer (4 weeks!). This summer, my
son (who is now 13) will be at his dad's for 6 weeks. I find it too
quiet and lonely the first couple of days when he is gone! It's especially quiet because he's not constantly telling me we have no "good" food in the house! However, I find; though, after the first day when he is gone, I work out more, socialize with my friends more, spend more time with my mom, and get some things done around the house that I normally don't take care of throughout the school year.

It's hard to believe that only 5 more years and my son will most likely be moving out. (He wants to join the Army).
Patti

 

[rcook]

RE: O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydr...

I know how you feel, our oldest son moved out just before his 19 birthday a couple yrs ago, moved back in 13 months later, then moved out again about 3 weeks ago, then our 17 yr old son moved out just a few days ago, that was a bit harder, not because I miss having kids in the house, but because he isn't 18 yet, he is out of school finished early will graduate in May 14thh, but he is still 17 x( that smarts...... but I will get over it, just enjoy your me time, and be there for them, bless ya Rhonda :7

 

[robyn6002]

RE: O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydr...

Hey thanks so much for replying

mogambo - your words really hit home. Yes you are right it is a natural part of parenting and you are right we want them to be able to be independent, but yes it will be hard. It will just be a transition, like I remember when she was just a few days old, and starting to head out to the store and remembering - OH no - i have to wake her up, bundle her up, get the car seat... so yes a transition. I may email you at some point, if you don't mind. BTW I live in the Boston area. Nice weather the last week - finally !

I've heard from mom's with girls older that at first they talk on the cell phone daily, until the daughter is settled in. That will be nice for both of us i think.

Patti - Yep I know the single Mom week off. Actually I plan something for EVERY day. I work on it for months. By the time they come back I am so tired Know what you mean about the "no food" my son is always saying that 2. He's 15.

Rhonda - thanks for replaying. Wow both kids at once. That's a transition.

Well today will be everyone home. Yippee! I'm not quite ready for this transition!

 

[40something]

RE: O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydr...

I am just going to add that if you find yourself with too much free time on your hands and you just don't know what to do...you could always volunteer with programs that help underprivileged children or volunteer at your local hospital or school.

I am in the midst of child rearing so I can't begin to comprehend the empty nest yet. I have four all in sports, music lessons, school and church activities...let alone all the cooking, cleaning and laundry, so I NEVER have any ME time.

But I do remember when my oldest sibling got married my mother was a little down...she too had always been a full time mother and did a fantastic job of it. But...by the time I moved out (and I am the youngest) she practically packed my clothes for me so she could FINALLY stop being the full time caretaker and do some things that interested her. So, like everything else in life...time does heal. Learn to just enjoy the peace and quiet and only having to be responsible for yourself. You'll need this period of 'rest' because in time grandchildren will appear and then you'll be called on to babysit while your married children run off on exotic vacation's and leave you with the little snot-nosed tykes to take of!}(

 

[mogambo]

RE: O/T Anyone have words of wisdom on Empty Nest Sydr...

The minute my daughter is pregnant, I'll be moving to Paraguay. No snot-nosed anything for me. If you are confused, please see my above posting on Peace, Quiet, Neatness, Time, etc!

}(

 

[Annabelle2]

Robin, I am not a single mom but did go through the empty nest syndrome. 14 months ago after a year of college my youngest daughter joined the Navy and went to Iraq on her ship. When she went to college - gone were the ballgames, drama events, parties....etc. When she left to go overseas it was very empty but I resigned myself that she had a life and am pleased that she is so independent. Gradually I found things to fill my time. I never had time to do much for myself and didn't realize it either, I was having a great time being a mom. I do work and I threw myself into that a bit and then I started venturing out trying different things. I played softball in a league and I really enjoy that. I started taking martial arts and I enjoy that. I started pampering myself a little bit, and gradually I have filled up the time with things I like to do but hadn't had the time to do in a while. Volunteering is a good idea, I volunteer in a group that teaches women at the local women's shelter how to make a resume and handle an interview. We teach them how to dress, do makeovers and it is really fun. I hope this gives you some ideas.

 

[robyn6002]

Thanks! Yep.. everyone is home now and it was a wonderful time at work camp!

Yes agree about the volunteer stuff, I did that when I was out of work last year with some environmental work and animal shelters. Actually I'm thinking I may do some hospice work, I lost my Dad and best friend b/f to cancer and really think I could give back that way... but alas my son is still a freshman so it's a while off with all the free time.

Thanks for your replies. I had a great work out tonite SJC.