O/T: Am I being manipulated?

T

toastythemosty

Cathlete
DD has played matchmaker and matched a girl up the road with this guy. The girl is 15 and the guy is 16. The guy is trying to find ways to come over to our house to meet with this girl. She is very poor and doesn't have a phone so he has been calling over here alot so my DD will give love messages to her, from him. And though he geniunely is nice and open, he has been sucking up to me big time...calling me mama, etc. I am very easygoing. However, I think the boy is manipulating me. Yesterday he calls and wants DD to go to his church with this girl since I was not willing to let him come over AGAIN this week. BTW, he was just over on the weekend. When he was dropped off, the first thing he asked if he could take a shower when he came over this weekend!!! WTH? We don't know him that well and I think it was rude as crap. Hubby thinks he thinks our home is a boarding house of some kind and told him no, he cannot shower here. I just told DD to let him, just once though because I am so DAMN NICE! AGGHHH! Anyhow, since DD did not go to his church last night with this girl he likes, he is just going to go over this girls house, but he tells my DD that she shouldn't tell me that he will be riding the same bus home that DD rides, and will just walk over to the girls house (he is trying to make me feel bad because he wants me to pick him up at the bus stop too). He knows DD was going to tell me this and therefore trying to make me feel bad. Well I told DD that I am just going to wave "bye" to him and let him walk. Me thinks he needs to learn a lesson!
 
Whole set up sounds weird to me. Why can't they just meet at his house or hers or the park for that matter? Why is your DD and your house the key to the relationship? I would just get my daughter and my house out middle of it and their relationship doesn't work then not meant to be.

KIM
 
Kim,

I know. It does sound weird. I think the boy thinks I am such a nice person that I will pick him up at his house and drive him back home. I did this once, but only because DD boyfriend was with us and he lives near the boy so I didn't mind, but now I think he thinks I am going to do this for him again and again. I do agree with you, Kim. I think DD needs to but out, but he will probably keep calling here since she doesn't have a phone. I find it all annoying.

Charlotte~~
 
He's probably trying to hit on you, Charlotte, you are one hot mama! I wouldn't put it past him. Something definitely doesn't sound right.
 
Candi,

Thanks! I am glad you think so too. I just hope the boy has enough sense to stop it or he will feel my wrath come down on him. Right now, I am just irritated, but later I might be telling him how I really feel, and ya know...I just don't want to go there. He is a nice kid, but he needs someone to throw some icecubes down his pants as he doesn't have to see this girl once a week anyhow. Once a month wouldn't kill him.

Charlotte~~
 
Debbie,

NO WAY?! The boy is 16!!!!! He has got to see me as freakin' old compared to his age, wouldn't ya think? It is weird though. He wants me to give him a hug everytime I drop him off, but he hugs everyone he sees...even tried to hug DH and he almost punched him! LOL!

Charlotte~~
 
Charlotte,

I am speaking from experience. I had a similar situation with a boy that was actually DD boyfriend. The nicer he was to me the more the flags went up and when it all came down I learned I was right to trust my instincts. Sounds like you're trusting yours as well.
 
He's definitely trying to see how much he can get away with. Picking him up once, letting him shower at your house (!!), those things let him think you are an "easy mark" and will do more for him. Learn to say "no" to this guy, and stick by it.
 
>Thanks! I am glad you think so too. I just hope the boy has
>enough sense to stop it or he will feel my wrath come down on
>him.

He won't stop until you tell him to stop. Letting this build up to the point where you explode sounds like you need some assertiveness (not being agressive, the way exploding would be, or wishy-washy, but firmly telling him "no" and TELLING him where the limits are. He WON'T find them on his own (what's his motivation to do so?).
 
Charlotte,
When my kids were growing up (my two step-kids) quite a few of my sons friends use to hang out at our house. Drove me nuts. Then I found out they were there because of me. They were around 15 or 16 years old. Three of them had crushes on me and always wanted me to pick them up from school, take them here, take them there. Don't kid yourself, young men are aware of older women and are attracted to them sometimes. It was kind of a compliment to me and I thought it was funny. Manipulators are their middle names! LOL!!!
 
As it is the norm in these forums, you have gotten great advice. I agree that you have to trust your gut feeling. I think there's something weird about that boy; nobody I know would shower in the house of someone they just met, especially when you're not even related to the girl that's just rude! If your gut tells you something is wrong I guarantee you something is wrong and you'll find out sooner or later.
 
Something definitely doesn't make sense here! What does your DD say about the whole thing? And does this young man do these things right in front of your husband too?

Could be that he has a crush on you. Could be that he gets no attention at home. Could be that he just sees your house as a safe place. I am not saying any of these are ok or appropriate but they "could be!"
 
Hmmmm. Anyone here old enough to remember Eddie Haskell, Wally's friend on Leave it to Beaver? That's who this guy sounds like.
 
Charlotte,

Sounds to me like he could be hitting on you. A 16 year old boys dream, attractive older women. Look at all these Teacher student match up that's been happening. Don't think the teachers started all the hook ups. (But they should have stopped them.) Be blunt, and turn him away. Suggest they meet at a park, school, or their homes. Push away the hugs!!!
“Shower at your house” Don't underestimate a 16 year old boy. LOL
 
Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I have put a stop to it and now I am not considered "mama" anymore probably, but more like "meany". It is o.k. with me though because it is for the best! The boy has worked out things with the girls mom and he will be going to her house leaving us out of the picture. Although, he called DD to tell her all this last night as it was still being worked out. I advise DD to be on guard for this one, but she won't listen to me. She will find out though on her own as my DH says. She will have to learn the hard way who her friends really are.

Charlotte~~
 
I agree with the consensus. You are being manipulated. And what do you think the parents of the other girl will think of you and your "involvement" with the situation. I would be mad as heck if the mother of one of my DD's friends was fixing her up with some guy. Put down your foot and tell your DD not to get involved either. She's probably being manipulated by this guy too.
 
I am so glad my daughter is over this phase of her life! It was tough. It seems like not only do you have to raise your own children but help raise their friends, too!

Charlotte does have very good instints and she's been nipping things in the bud as soon as something doesn't seem right. That's about all you can do.
 
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