need advice for vacation!

[thirty11]

My husband's family lives on a farm in Saskatchewan. We go there for about 9 days every summer -- this year the first week in July. Problem: my apparently delicate system is used to fruits, vegetables, lean meats, skim milk, daily exercise, NO fried foods,no doughy foods . . . well, on the farm in Canada, it's impossible to eat like this.

His mom, bless her heart, serves pancakes, homemade white rolls, cheesy bread"y" casseroles, perogies (little dumplings filled with mashed potatoes and fried and then covered in gravy!!!!), lots of fried meat, pies, kool-aid type juice, well, you get the idea.

Last year his sister said to me, "Anna, it's too bad that every year when you're here, you have such stomach problems. It must be because you're nervous being in someone else's house." !!!! Ha!

I've tried to gently tell them that I eat what "works for me" and that exercise is important to me (They just shake their heads when I disappear every day for about 45 minutes to go for a jog around the neighboring farms). I'm afraid I come across like a spoiled princess who has to have things her way. Being in the middle of nowhere, there is no place to go to get the food/exercise I need.

Last year I tried packing granola bars and protein powder in my suitcase, and that helped some, but again, I looked like quite the fussy little daughter-in-law, making my shakes and eating my granola bars while they had waffles and fried ham.

Did I mention that while we're there, his entire family converges on his mother's home (that equals 12 people) and everyone sleeps onthe floor and lives and eats together in this ONE BATHROOM home.

Anyway, I understand he only gets to see them once a year, and they are quite loving and nice people, but . .. I need some advice on how to get through this with minimum, shall we say, gastrointestinal stress. Any ideas?

Thanks for reading such a long post!

Anna

 

[clareMc]

1) Do you have to go? I mean I go see my family and my husband stays home, he goes see his mother and I go elsewhere. Attendance is not a requirement or duty.

2) If you have to go, stock up a big box in your car with fresh fruits and vegetables for the first few days and then canned vegetables for the remainder of your stay. Even though they are not fresh, they are still nutritional powerhouses, esp when compared to perogies and the like. Be prepared to make your own food, at least as a side dish to the "little bit of the main dish" that the family makes.

3) You should feel no embarrassment or self-consiousness at all about needing a different diet. And quite honestly, if they want to welcome you into their family and have you enjoy your time with them, this family needs to welcome you somewhat on your own terms, they need to meet you half-way so to speak. My family has always done this with spouses. We do not force them to be like us, it's way too much of an imposition. We understand that at large gatherings there will be many different menus in operation because we do not all eat the same, after all, we have all grown up in different families with different customs. We cannot demand from them that they subsume their needs and customs to ours. That is too selfish. We want them to be part of our fmily and feel at home with us, so that means letting them do some things their way and graciously accepting it.

I would have a word with your husband before you go this year and make part of this his responsibility. Ask him to please speak to his mother and sisters, since they will be the ones preparing the feasts. Make sure they understand that you are not to be expected to subsume your individuality totally to the family force and that you be allowed kitchen time to prepare your own meals, even though you will eat with them.

4) Prissiness only comes in in your own attitude to the family. You can eat differently without there being any prissiness/fussiness at all. Make sure you are accepting of their wishes for their own enjoyment. Do not sit in judgement of them. It's up to them what they eat, none of anyone else's business and you can even offfer wwhat you make as a dish available to all. Who's to say that they would not welcome your input to alter the family traditions somewhat and start new traditons?

5) Stand up for yourself. You are entitled to "away time" to do what the hell ever you want with it. Again, in my family, we understand that being with us en masse can be quite tiring and trying for spouses because we are a large, intimate and quite intense, noisy family when we get together. We undertand thaat those who are not McAlisters born and bred will need time away from us just to breathe and remember who they are! My brother-in-law heads off bird watching with his binoculars all the time, another brother-in-law heads off to watch the football on TV, my sister-in-law dashes off to the shops and I usually go with her because I need a break from my family too sometimes!

You need your 45 mins exercise time, and that's your right. Again, enlist your DH here. he should talk to his family and make sure they understand that there should be no requirement that you be with the family 24/7, especially since they all live on top of eachother. You need some private time and they must respect that.

If this family cannot respect your need to eat differently and have time for your own needs, then I really cannot see either why you would want to go on this holiday-cum-torture session, or how they could possibly oblige you to do so!

Tolerance, from them and you, of eachother, seems to be the key to making this holiday work.

Clare

 

[red_mct]

Well, I don't think they are disrespecting you as much as they probably feel bad and defensive about eating so much really bad stuff when you are not. (Remember, the best defense is a good offense.) My family gives me a REALLY hard time when I am unwilling to stuff myself like a turkey whenever I am with them. It has taken me a while to realize that this is about them and not about me (or you, I'm sure my family would also want to stuff you with donuts).

That being said, sometimes the path of least resistance is easiest. In this situation I might be tempted to go so far as to agree that I am in possession of an actual digestive disorder in order to have a ready excuse to make and eat the things that agree with me... versus those things that will live on my rearend for at least two months afterwards. It is easier to just smile and laugh about it and go about one's business than to try to convert the greasy masses. (Remember, a drunk will get you drunk faster than you will get him sober. Same principle.) Someday you will be the person they turn to when the doctor gives the bad news about their terrible health. Meanwhile, enjoy yourself and let them have their cake and eat it too while they can. You can smile inside knowing your arteries are operating as designed and your butt doesn't jiggle a bit!

Good luck!
Marie

Edited to fix my atrocious grammar. Sheesh. Way too much coffee today....