Moms - when your babies make new friends...

dss62467

dss62467

Cathlete
My 4 year old has some friends at preschool that she would like to spend time with outside of school. I am planning to call the parents of one little girl to see if she can come spend the night soon. However, I am nervous about the day she is invited to the house of a child whose parents I don't know.

When you have this situation, do you do any investigating? Would you feel comfortable asking if they have firearms in their home? If it was a single father, how would you feel about your daughter going there? Would you arrange to spend some time getting to know the parents first? I would love if I could do background checks on everyone! Seems like everytime I turn around, I'm getting a flyer in the mail about a convicted sex offender moving into the school district. It totally freaks me out!!!! Actually, I think the firearms thing scares me the most. I really think the vast majority of parents are good people, but some good people are kind of dumb when it comes to their guns.
 
Hi Donna,
If it were me and she wants to spend the night with her friend/friends, she can do it at home. Usually it's someone you trust that's a pedophile. My mother would not let me or my sister sleep over at any of our friend's house regardless she knew them very well. I have 2 kids myself 3 yrs old and under. I won't let them sleep over their friend's house either. They're more than welcome to sleep over mine. Just go with your gut instinct though.

Lisa :)
 
You know Lisa, that's the same instinct that I have. But really, if that child's parents have the same rule, nobody would be having sleepovers. There must be a way to feel 98% comfortable. Maybe if we had a background check system that was available to parents...(can you tell I'm Human Resources?)

I don't know, it's just so hard being a mother! When I was pregnant, I just worried that she'd have all her body parts. Once she was born - that's when the real worrying started. Funny how you never understand why your parents made such a big deal out of everything until you become one yourself.
 
At first I would get mad if I couldn't sleep over anyone's house but I got used to it. I didn't care as long as I had my friends overnight. I had more fun with my friends at home than I did at their house.

I would trust your own instinct. You could try this, have your daughter's friend sleep over to your house a couple of times first just to see if your daughter will forego sleeping over their house. Be suspicious of everyone even the mother. Sometimes the mother can't be trusted even though she's a nice person, etc...I've seen too many bad things happen to the kids because of the mother. Just play it by ear and see how it goes.

I actually did background check on people at times. That's what I used to do for work until I became a SAHM. I would make sure NO ONE I know have a criminal background even the guys I went out on date with. Even if you don't find anything in their background, it still does not mean a thing, you know? They just never got caught or reported. Just be very aware of everything.

I now understand why my mom went through this with me. After I had my first child, I actually felt bad for putting my mom through hell!! :D }(
 
I think it's never a bad thing to be too cautious these days. That being said, I also think that 4 years old is probably too young to be having sleep overs. At least for my kids. In fact, my 6 year old doesn't even do sleep overs unless it is with a family member (like staying at her cousins house).
If you do go ahead with a sleepover, I think you absolutely should be asking questions re:guns, what tv shows they allow, etc. I don't think anybody would take offense at that, and if they did then you probably wouldn't want your kid over there anyways.
I have found the best way to get to know and trust other parents is by spending lots of time with them - having a playdate for the kids and inviting the parent to stay for coffee for example.
It is a scary world out there and we have to do our best to be vigilant.
Good luck!
Tracy
 
I agree with Tracy. I am sure the kids would have a blast, but I have a 4 year old, and I don't know if I am ready to have sleepovers. I am waiting as long as possible. I think it's a good idea to know the parents very well. If you just know them from school, who knows. I want my child to feel comfortable. At 4, I don't think they are old enough to call me, etc. if things weren't going well. I don't want to sound paranoid, but you never know.

Lori
 
My kids were not allowed to attend sleepovers until they were 10yrs old. My suggestion would be to have some daytime playdates with these kids, maybe on the weekends for a few hours. By doing this you can invite the parents to stay as well and let them know that you would like to get to know them a little better also. If you are not comfortable letting your child spend the night somewhere, simply keep them home and let them invite a friend to your house. Just my 2 cents.

Diana
 
I agree, start with daytime playdates. When her mother drops her off, you'll have time to chat and get a feel for the parent.
I remember when my daughter was in first grade. I called a mother to invite her friend to go to burger king with us for a couple hours (one with the play area/tubes etc...) the mother quizzed me saying she doesn't let her daughter go with just anyone. i was slightly offended as my dh and i are both professionals with good jobs, a nice home etc... But i understood her point. When we got to pick her up, i was flabbergasted. They lived in a small storage type trailer (not a mobile home type, a storage type with like one window). She got in our car smelling of cigarrette smoke and just general uncleanliness. It wasn't her fault, she was completely sweet child who unfortunatly was being raised in this environment.

I would've never begun to figure that out on my phone conversation with her mother, and had she called for my daughter to sleep over, and i had never been to her home, i would have NEVER let my daughter sleep there. WHat a fire hazard, all those smoking people in that small unsafe trailer (not house trailer>>>>)


Anyway, just to make my point that short playdates to get to know each other is definately the way to go.
 
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