Miscarriage

J

JackieS

Member
I had a miscarriage this week. I am very sad and I have some questions. I'm hoping that some of you who have been through this before might have some answers for me. I guess I flat out forgot to ask the doctor these things because I was so distraught at the time. He kept asking me if I had any questions but I just kept shaking my head.
1. I was wondering how long we should wait to try again. I've heard lots of different things about this.
2. Should I wait to resume my regular activity level? I'm still bleeding very heavily and I don't know if it is safe.

I wish all of you the very best. Lots of happiness and healthy babies to you all. I hope to have happy news again some time soon. Thank you.
 
My thoughts are with you...

...I had two miscarriages (a number of years ago) and really understand the pain and anguish. My doctor told me after the second time (mine were two in a row over a five month period) to resume normal activity and to keep trying to get pregnant.

HOWEVER, you should call your doctor back and ask him since he's the one who examined you. My gut instinct would say that you are safe to get back to a familiar routine, but I'm not a physician.

As far as your emotional recovery - spend plenty of time mourning the loss because you owe it to yourself. Some who have not experienced it do not understand how attached a woman can get to her unborn child (no matter how small).

If you are otherwise in great health, you should be a happy poster here very soon. My doctor explained that 'spontaneous abortion' is very common and should not alarm an otherwise healthy woman.

Take care, take a breath, be good to yourself.

Joanna
 
Some of us know just how you feel...

....I do even though it's been 29 years!!! Let yourself grieve, and seek out someone to talk to who's been through the same thing. A lot of other people will want you to "just get over it."

Go by what your doctor says about getting pregnant again, and about your activity level. You WILL get over it, but it will take time. It's a very sad time of your life, but you will survive.
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Take care, little gal.
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What I did

I didn't even want to think about getting preg again at the time, so I didn't ask my doc, but you really should call him up and ask him. I took 2 weeks off of work, and relaxed and had fun with my son. I was in a very quiet mood for a while, and didn't get back into my normal routine till I went back to work.

Andrea
 
I had one (at 8 weeks) monday. Or it started monday...

My thoughts go out to you. I hope for the best for you.

I'm going to my docs tomorrow so maybe I can answer your questions about how long to wait - but don't hesitate to call him - that is what he is there for.

Leela
 
My condolences

<center><font size="1" color="#ff0000">LAST EDITED ON Jul-27-00 AT 08:28PM (EST)</font></center>

Jackie and Leela,
My thoughts are with both of you at this sad time. I can't answer any of your questions--I just wanted you both to know that I'm sending a big hug your way.

Kimberly
 
I am so sorry for you both!

Although it has been over 11 years since my last miscarriage(I've had three), I can still remember how awful I felt--like it was yesterday. Please give yourselves as much time to grieve (and recuperate) as you need, no matter if anyone tells you differently. Those people do not understand. My heart goes out to you. But please know that the majority of women who miscarry go on to have healthy babies. As to how long to wait, it would be best to ask your doctor, but mine told me to wait at least two complete menstrual cycles before trying again. Keep in mind that this was many years ago and the thinking might have changed since then.
I wish you both the very best and my sympathy to you and your families.
 
So sorry :-(

Leela and Jackie,

I'm sad to hear of your losses. Miscarriage is something that touches us so much--such a sad thing, and so many feelings surface. I had a miscarriage four years ago at 8 weeks. I had the same questions as you do. Your doctor may tell you to wait until your bleeding stops before resuming your regular activity (check with him/her, of course). One thing that really reassured me was that my doctor told me that I could start trying to get pregnant again after having one normal period (but everyone is different). I tend to get a little philosophical (or whatever it is) about my miscarriage--if I hadn't had one, I wouldn't have my daughter now. We all find our own ways to cope. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor, and don't let it get to you when people say, "you should be thankful that it happened now instead of later," or "you can have another baby," because every pregnancy is special and unique. Also, the reason people say things like that is that they are genuinely trying to help and they do care about you. You WILL get through this, but give yourselves time. ((((((((((BIG cyber hugs!))))))))))

Kristin
 
I thank you...

Kristin -

I try to be philosophical from the POV that there was probably something wrong, and my body detected it and took care of it. I know my last two failures - called "chemical pregnancies" since they lasted a very short time - were probably due to bad eggs. We all have them, considering our eggs are as old as we are!

It does help somewhat. I know you are correct when people say things that seem hurtful , they don't mean to be hurtful. Actually, I have gotten a lot of "There is a plan for everything and everyone" messages from folks that may not know I don't have any religious beliefs. But rather than snapping back with "I don't follow that belief system", I choose to say thanks
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Anyway - I'm hoping to see my doc today and i'm also hoping to take this opportunity to really kick my workouts back to the high gear they were prior to my DD being conceived. Cathe's tapes will sure hit the spot, and I am going to start run/walking to eventually be running 30 minutes. I used to be able to do this - and I wanted to start again - but I thought i'd wait til baby #2 was born (only plan on having 2).

Marathon sports, here I come. Kristin - your workouts are inspiring to me - reading your posts about what you have accomplished despite the injuries (which I totally understand). Stephanie N. of VF is also inspiring with her achievement of becoming a runner who enjoys it. Cathe, of course is an inspiratoin - look at the way she has regained her fitness level and form!

Thanks and Jackie - I feel for you - I wish you conception vibes for the future (healthy baby vibes).

Leela
 
I'm very sorry Leela and Jackie

I hope you do whatever you need to, to get through this. I was surprised at how angry I was the first time. I actually went a little off one day and smashed an aluminum frying pan to warpedness on the cement basement floor. (the only reason I bring this up is that I was very surprised at how angry I was and I heard this is common. I think my husband was even more surprised, lol)

I'm not sure there is ever any words to say to someone who is grieving. But please grieve. As for how long to wait to do physical activity, unless you are bleeding very heavily, more than a pad every couple hours, you most likely can exercise. You might want to avoid high impact. As for trying to concieve again, it was helpful to me to wait several months until my grief had subsided somewhat. If you've ever had any menstrual problems or were irregular, you might want to find and ob/gyn and get your cycle into a state of regularity and take care of any other problems you might have first.

Please remember, almost all women who suffer miscarriage go on to have uneventful pregnancies and births. From what my doctor said, chances of having repeated miscarriages without any positive outcomes, especially with medical intervention is about one in a million, so I think I covered us all.
 
More Big Hugs

I'm so glad that our friends on this forum are sharing experiences, offering courageous advice and lending a supportive shoulder to cry on. My heart goes out to both of you and all others who share this very emotional experience.
 
Anger...

I blew up at the folks at the Drs office for repeatedly putting me on hold for 5-10 minutes at a time. I have a lot of unresolved anger regardnig my first birth (I called with what I thought were labor pains and they managed to convince me that I wasn't in labor. Anju was born 2 hrs later, at home. After a rough start in NICU, she is a very healthy 18 month old now..)

Anyway - thanks for the post. I am feeling very up and down, and I know this will pass..

Leela
 
Thank you all SO much!

Your kind words have really helped. It's so nice to know there are people out there that understand. I had a lady say to me yesterday, "it's okay to be sad, even about small things like this". When she left I said to my husband, "this is a small thing?" I was really upset by that. I'm trying to count my blessings right now, but it's tough to do...I had such plans! I just want you all to know that I'm so touched by your responses.

I'll go back to the doctor next Wednesday for a follow up and I'll ask him my questions then. Hopefully I'll be a little more composed than I was the last time. I think last time I just wanted to get out of there and cry in private in my DH's arms. I hate to cry in public. The poor nurses had no idea what to say to me. I felt like I was making them uncomfortable...it was so awful.

Leela, I'm so sorry for you. I'll be resuming my regular workouts today. My bleeding has slowed a lot and I feel pretty good. A good sweat has always been a release for me. Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing your feelings.
Jackie
 
Hi Jackie

Hi Jackie,
I am so sorry that someone referred to this as a "small thing" to you. I'm interested in knowing what the heck this woman would consider a "big thing" if she considered this a "small thing". Got to ignore insensitive remarks like that. I haven't experienced this misfortune personally, but have seen my best friend go thru it and I know how devastating it has been for her. Definitely no small thing. Please know that I am thinking of you and Leela at this time.
Lisa S.
 
Hey Jack

I had the same kind of experience with my first mis. When I went back for my follow up, the nurse comes in to take blood for the AFP test. I started crying and told her that I has miscarried.
Then the doctor comes in and says, "so, we're going to have a baby." Needless to say I dropped this doctoor. He told me that he wasn't surprised that I miscarried. ( Would have been nice if he had told me. He said that due to my fibroids and an incompetent uterus, I would never carry to term.) Good news - I changed doctors and carried two boys- I was latw with both. Keep your chin up! Cry when you need to... people understand.
 
Jackie ... :-(

Hugs to you. Its NOT a small thing. I put up my "insensitive comment" shield as best I can - but it is hard, isn't it?

Cry all you want to, and all you need too and when you get the OK, focus your energy and anger into your workouts! I'm told that is helpful! Today I go get my sneakers...

Leela
 
I have had several miscarriages and my heart goes out to you. If it is any consolation, I conceived again. However, my miscarriages left me drained both mentally and physically and I would suggest at least waiting 6 to 8 months before trying to conceive again.

As for resuming your activity level, I would start slowly at 1/2 pace. I became quite anemic after one miscarriage and when I tried to work out too soon, I became terribly faint and ill. So take care and take heart. Just listen to your body.
 
Good advice about the wait

I had really wanted to have a baby sooner than later. I've been trying for 9 mos, and had 3 failures along the way (2 very early on - a week past implantation). I'm 34, and I don't want to wait too long.

This whole idea of mine of having my k ids close in age, of being done with child bearing by 36, so I could concentrate on getting really fit again has put a great deal of pressure on myself.

Since I had this miscarriage, I have kind of been feeling differently about a lot of things. I've been losing weight - those of you who have heard me whine on VF know i've been hauling around 25 extra pounds (NEVER been this way in my life) and my motivation to work out hasn't been what it used to be. But since losing this baby, i've lost about 5 pounds, mostly due to altering my food intake to something that made sense (only eat if hungry, and even then, eat wisely and only what i need - a lesson my 19 month old is teaching me).

I've also been passionate about exercise. I'm ready to start working out and I am so eager to really jump back on that bandwagon. Having said that, I want to take a good break from ttc, so I can explore other areas of fitness - like taking REAL tae kwon do classes for instance.

As many VFers may know, I have no religious beliefs, but I do believe strongly that while this isn't the path i'd hoped to follow this year, I will take this loss and turn it into something positive.

Thanks for the support - its good to talk about this with other fitness minded women who have experienced the same thing.

Leela
 
We DO learn....

<center><font size="1" color="#ff0000">LAST EDITED ON Aug-07-00 AT 12:32PM (EST)</font></center>

...when life kicks us in the slats. There is a message out there if we listen real close, but how many of us do? I don't enough, that's for sure.
 
Beliefs

I believe that we all have a destiny and that there is a higher power in the universe. I think we can change some things about our destiny and that all things, good and bad, happen for a reason. I know it sounds cliche, but the longer I am on the planet the stronger I believe in some type of cosmic clock.
 
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