Men SUCK!

LOL! Listen, I don't care if he's a multi-BILLIONAIRE, I want nothing to do with a married man. It's just disgusting!

But the pool boy is an interesting idea.........;-)
 
so sorry to hear about this sh@#$#head wasting your time. can you imagine what a coward he is if he doesn't even have the balls to get a divorce when he doesn't even love his wife (if that is even true). it is unfortunate but there are many men and women like this in the world. i dont understand why they even get married. for some it is a business arrangment. but this pathetic little sh@#$ can't even be man enough to do the right thing. i will say it took me 35 years to find an incredible man, so i know they are out there. they are just sometimes hard to find. i will also say that one of my best friends just got married to a man she met through internet dating. he is a wonderful guy and she is a wonderful girl and i am very happy for them. but, i do know that you have to go through some real doozies there too...good luck, and as madonna once said "second best is never enough, your too much better, baby on your own".....believe it sister...
 
Laura - You jump down bfi's throat and mine not long ago when we bring up another point.

BFI was just asking a question.

You are asking why things happen and she just had a reply.

Please don't be so combative to others. If you ask people why they think you are having these patterns then when they reply please don't jump at them and say they are being judgemental etc.
 
OK - so I just got back from vacation and logged onto my favorite site and checked out Laura's thread. First off, I am so sorry that this happened to you Laura. There really are good, no - great fish in the sea. You just have to experience what you don't like to truly appreciate what you do when you find it - and you will.

But on a different note - what did you do to tick off Robyn so much? She even chastized me for one of your posts a few weeks back and I had no idea what she was talking about until I looked a bit more. Robyn - I've met LauraMax on the road trip. She's an awesome and beautiful person. Some of us voice our opinions on here and they often don't sit well with everyone - but we come to this forum because primarily we all share at least a common interest - fitness and wellness. We don't all have to agree on everything, but I don't think that makes any of us "bad". I'm sure I'm opening another can of worms, but I've just been noticing a number of those posts directed to LauraMax from Robyn and I wanted to say I hope you guys can put this aside.

Lorrie

"Pain is temporary - quitting lasts forever"
Candace Grasso, CC-V-6
 
Laura, I think you and I have similar experiences here. I've had those words said to me (I was planning on marrying this guy, turns out he had another woman AND another fiancee!! Gadzooks.) I've also lived through the, "hey, don't really want to have a meaningful relationship with you but would be happy to have you be my whore" scenario. Ny only advice to you is don't take it personally. This guy doesn't see you as a whore. Heck, he doesn't see you as a respectable woman, or even as a person with feelings. Chances are, he doesn't see YOU at all. What he sees is a cute woman and wonders what she can do for HIM. Such are the ways of immature men. It's all about him. His spineless, weenie toad ways are NOT a reflection of you in any way shape or form.

That doesn't make it suck any less, I know. :(

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I think it's so interesting how much interest this post raised. Guess use women feel pretty passionate about this issue!
 
Wow I can definitely relate to your situation. I *also* went through a really hard and painful breakup last winter (I even posted a thread about it here). I have really bad luck with men too. I think of myself as a pig magnet. I'm not saying that in general all men suck because I know a lot of wonderful men: my brother, my uncles, some of my guy friends, etc. but the guys I seem to attract are insecure and immature womanizers that are just not worth two seconds of my time. Lately I've been going out with my girls (friends that I've known for more than 12 years) and I've been having so much fun! I'm actually enjoying being single for the first time in my life. I'm not saying I'm giving up on finding a man for me, but I'm not looking either. I'm trying to enjoy my life and if I meet someone soon that's awesome, but if I don't I'm not going to worry about it anymore.
 
By the way, just a little tip I learned during my single days: watch the parents very closely.

I was in love with a guy who I thought was great. When I met his parents, I noticed that his father was constantly putting down his mother. And I don't mean just disagreeing with her, I mean disrespecting her. Sure enough, later on in the relationship I came to learn that my boyfriend didn't respect women very much.

When I went to my DH's parents house to meet them, the first thing I noticed was a needlepoint pillow that read "Happiness is being married to your best friend." Sure nuff, I married their son. You can save yourself a lot of wasted time by just looking at the parents. Trust me.
;)
-Nancy
 
That's a sweet story Nancy.

Most men that disrespect women learned that from their parents' behavior (also women that disrespect men). Sometimes it's not that easy to meet someone's parents and you have to find out how bad a man is after you wasted months of going out. It's a true (and sometimes sad) fact: kids learn from the actions of their parents.
 
Thanks Rose. And you're absolutely right! When my in-laws died the family asked me what I wanted, and the first thing I thought of was that pillow. It's now in my living room. When my stepson got married, we didn't see the invitations until one was mailed to us. The wedding invitation said "Happiness is Getting Married to Your Best Friend"! How's that for influencing the next generation, eh? :D

-Nancy
 
Oh Nancy I couldn't agree more! Seeing that mutual respect is a sure indication of the values that have been taught. DH and I both come from large extended families, and you can see that element of respect not only in both of our parents, but also in all of the aunts, uncles and grandparents! Not saying things can't happen along the way, but between us we have 40 aunts and uncles with solid marriages and families. And marrying your best friend - absolute LUXURY!!!!! I married mine! We were best friends for 13 years before we got married and remain that now. Laura - there are some really bad men with no respect for women, and vice versa as well. But there are some truly incredible finds too. Sometimes, as in my case, they're right under your nose! Be disgusted with what you encountered, but as others have said, you don't want that. Aim for what you deserve.

Lorrie

Pain is temporary - quitting lasts forever
Candace Grasso, CC-V-6
 
Lorrie, I don't know what I've done to Robyn. She's been nasty & argumentative with pretty much every response she's made to me. I find it incredibly ironic that she accuses me of being combative yet doesn't see the tone of her own posts. One of those cases of "people in glass houses" & all that.

I've asked Robyn what her problem with me was before & she didn't give me the courtesy of a response. I suspect Robyn has some serious issues that she chooses to take out on strangers. I don't know, maybe tearing down someone she doesn't know makes her feel good about herself.

Thanks for the support Lorrie, you're a very sweet lady. :) :) :)
 
Laura, dearie, I have been in similar situations. A few years ago, I met this really "nice" man at a professional conference and then enjoyed all kinds of attention (flowers, constant calls, etc.) which I thought were fab until a mutual acquaintance pointed out that his marital "separation" must have involved him living upstairs and the wife living downstairs because they were still very much living together! Even after I confronted the guy he tried to feed me all kinds of the same crap you heard. Honestly, I think there's a "lowlife married man" manual somewhere that actually gives them the lines to say. Yech.

After that and a subsequent incident with a guy who actually was separated but ended up going back to his wife after we dated for an entire year, I realized that I needed to stay far, far away from anyone who was in any way recently involved with someone else. There's just too much emotion between them and the other person. My therapist once told me that sometimes people in bad marriages let a third party into the mix (via an affair or getting emotionally involved while still separated) because it's easier for the partners to deal with a tangible involvement with someone else than it is to deal with whatever actual issues they have. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I think you are an awesome person and I know you will find the right guy out there. Sometimes we have to experience the losers so we know the winners when we find them!

Take care,
Marie
 
What a nice post, thanks Marie. This has really been an eye-opener--on the one hand, I'm glad it's not just me, but on the other hand I think it really stinks so many of us have had to go through this.

Also I think some of it has to do with age. At 38 it's really hard to meet a guy who isn't married, or divorced with baggage (meaning small children--I just don't want a man who's gonna be connected to another woman indeterminately). Like you said Marie, I just don't want a guy who's gonna be thinking about another woman, regardless of how he's thinking about her.

Anyway, at this point in my life it's not about finding the "right guy." I'm pretty skeptical that such a thing exists. Right now I want to enjoy my newly remodeled house, my friends, my family, & my career. If a nice guy comes along in the meantime that's fine, but if not that's fine too. :)
 
><sigh> There goes two hours of my life that I'll never get
>back. I'm just sickened & right back to square one,

Instead of looking at it as 2 hours wasted, look at the lesson learned--

ASK IF HE IS STILL MARRIED.

You really aren't back to square 1.

Best of luck to you.
 
But should I really have to ask? I mean, when you know someone as an acquaintance for several years, don't you think it'd come up in conversation?

Not that I won't ask from now on (if there is a "now on"), it just seems kind of awkward & potentially offensive.

Does this mean it's unreasonable for me to expect a guy to be honest from the beginning? Nevermind, don't answer that question, I already know..........x(
 
>But on a different note - what did you do to tick off Robyn so
>much? She even chastized me for one of your posts a few weeks
>back and I had no idea what she was talking about until I
>looked a bit more. Robyn - I've met LauraMax on the road
>trip. She's an awesome and beautiful person. Some of us
>voice our opinions on here and they often don't sit well with
>everyone - but we come to this forum because primarily we all
>share at least a common interest - fitness and wellness. We
>don't all have to agree on everything, but I don't think that
>makes any of us "bad". I'm sure I'm opening another can of
>worms, but I've just been noticing a number of those posts
>directed to LauraMax from Robyn and I wanted to say I hope you
>guys can put this aside.


Hey, is someone pickin' on my friend Laura again? Laura is certainly an intelligent, educated and dedicated participant on this forum, not to mention a fantastic person. I have to say though, that she takes an awful lot of heat around here sometimes when her opinions are not main stream! That's what makes this board a great thing...the ability to see everyone's views & other sides of the fence to contemplate your thoughts and feelings about an issue. If we all had the same views or information, we'd "yes" each other to death and there'd be nothing to talk about! That said, no matter what anyone's views, there is NO NEED to personally attack anyone. We are *all* entitled to our own views but it shouldn't be a reason to argue or insult.
 
Laura,

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I was on the other end of a similar situation. I was engaged to this guy and we had lived together for 3 years. As we were planning our wedding, he was meeting girls on the train to work. Two women told me that he had told them we had broken up 8 months previous but that I was still living there b/c I had "nowhere else to go". What an @ss. I sure did have somewhere else to go and I promptly moved out and went. :) And guess what? He wanted me back more than anything in the world. Actually got scary so I had to "disappear" from his radar. I heard he got married about a year later and guess what? He cheated on her and they divorced. He cheated on his first wife too. Unfortunately I didn't know that until late in our relationship.

Shortly thereafter I met my husband. We were set up. My girlfriend called me the day we were to meet and told me she had just found out that he was 8 years younger than me (I was 30 and he was 22!!!). I flipped, tried to back out, got talked into going anyway and we were married 3 months later. Been married almost 13.5 years and I couldn't be happier. The trick - he's much more mature than I am. :p Oh - and as a note, the train hound was 5 years older than I was. So you see, age really doesn't always matter.

Hang in there! You're a beautiful, intelligent woman and you WILL find him!

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
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