Input please!

gidget1978

gidget1978

Cathlete
My daughter is 13 yrs old and her father and his wife (who live on the other side of the country) want her to come and visit them for a week. He as her ticket booked for her but I have to drive 3.5 hours both ways to the airport. There is a airport in the town I live in but the airline he as her booked on doesn't fly out of here.
Today I had a brain wave...should I , or shouldn't I be asking him for the gas money? Both of our vechiles are gas guzzlers and why should I have to chuck out atleast $300 (by the time we pick her up next week)? Truth be known, I am probably paying more for the car drive then he is for the airline ticket!

He doesn't have any rights anymore. DH adopted DD about 4 yrs ago so her father hasn't paid child support since then or seen her that much but yet I think any issues I am having with her are due to the fact that she feels like she isn't important to him....and thats why I am letting her go. Also, they asked, I mentioned it to her, the ball was in her court. I didn't want her to find out yrs later that I had said No on her behalf and for her to hate me for it.

So what do you think? Should I ask for the gas money?
 
My 2cents advice - is to ask politely if he would help pay for your gas since it will be a hit on your budget. And then let it go. Don't ask again.

If you make a fuss about it then your daughter will know and then she will feel like her trip is causing problems for you, causing problems between you and her dad and she will feel guilty. Don't do that to her. You are incurring this cost so your daughter can reconnect with her father. That's the important issue here.
 
I would just take her to the airport. Unless you are super cool with your ex and can jokingly (wink wink) say, "how about chipping in for gas?" then I would just stay quiet about it.
 
I totally agree

If it's a financial burden, yeah, maybe ask, if not let it go and don't make this exciting trip for your daughter into something negative. Also, wanted to add, kudos to you for letting your daughter make this decision and letting her go. That's saying a lot about you.
 
I would definitely ask for 1/2 gas money. Something like" I was calculating how much it would cost me in gas and I had no idea it would be so much--about $300, I'd really appreciate it if you could pay for 1/2 of that."

When we moved away I told my husband's ex that we would pay for 1/2 plane fare/travel anytime she wanted to see him. I think this is very fair and the right thing to do.

Also think it's great that you are allowing your daughter to do this and form her own relationship/decisions w/him.
 
No, I don't think you should ask him for gas money, unless it is keeping you from putting food on your table or paying bills. Think of how much it is going to cost for him to have her for a week. I know when I was a teenager I ate like a beast.
 
LasVegasFitGirl said:
If it's a financial burden, yeah, maybe ask, if not let it go and don't make this exciting trip for your daughter into something negative. Also, wanted to add, kudos to you for letting your daughter make this decision and letting her go. That's saying a lot about you.
Click to expand...

I agree with Barb - very good choice making this your daughter's decision. Also, I agree that it should be part of your ex's burden to pay for the gas, but if you don't have the kind of relationship with him where he will be discreet about it, I don't think I would risk it. Unless, of course, it will be too much of a financial burden to you, or if your relationship with him is pretty civil, I think I would abstain. Just my two cents! I hope everything goes well for your daughter!!
 
I finally got my ex to agree a few years ago that our daughter is a her, not a thing to put a price tag on...We will both do whatever is within our means to make her happy, and not guilty about what it costs...I wouldn't ask at all...Sorry if that was too upfront, but my ex and I have had knock down, drag out fights about this over the years...At times, he still thinks everything can be bought and paid for...Think of this trip as a gift to your daughter...Not a reimbursable expense...
MJ
 
I wouldn't ask. It is for your daughter and if it was a trip for her to go with friends you wouldn't ask her friends parents for gas money to drive her. That and it possibly would open up a whole can of worms, . . bad worms, . . and may set a bad tone for your daughter's trip. Think of it as an expense for your daughter and for her happiness. Even though she does not see her dad often she deserves to have a relationship with him when she can. Your ex should have offered but if he didn't I would just let it go.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top