I'm BROKE and FAT

CollinsMom

CollinsMom

Cathlete
I need to vent......

I am broke. I have a good job. My salary is decent, for someone who works a state job and is young with little experience. But here is the MAJOR problem... My son's father hasn't paid child support since approximately April. So basically I am scrambling for an extra $550 a month.

All I do lately is worry about money, which is causing me not to sleep well, and I have had the same (tension) headache for about 4 or 5 days. Since I am not physically well, I have not worked out in 2 days. So not only am I broke and sleep deprived, I am FAT! I feel fat, and -- I'M SORRY -- I look fat too.

Whew, okay, I feel a little better to just get it out.
 
Katie!

Your picture is beautiful and you are not fat! :)

I think we all feel this way from time to time ---- overworked and underpaid (well I know I do but I love my job!).

I am sorry about your son's father. I think you need to get on that!

Good luck!




"Life is short so be the best you can be every day of your life!"

"Running feels great for my soul!"

:) CHEETAH :)
 
katie,

so sorry you are going through this, but you should get to court and get an order ASAP. they will work with him based on his salary if he is having trouble coming up with a figure you both agreed on. something is better then nothing in most cases, and there is no excuse for not helping you support your child in any means.

for the record my dad was a deadbeat, when my mom had to apply for medicaid for the four kids they tracked him down and started garnishing wages. the system does work, it takes time for things to get back to normal but i have seen it does work.

and you look great, if you feel "fat" its probably bloating and once you start feeling better it will subside.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"

http://images.meez.com/user03/06/01/04/060104_10010099873.gif
 
I should mention that I AM pursuing Collin's dad for child support. I do have a court order for support, and the money is *supposed to* come directly from his paycheck. However, that doesn't do you much good when he quits his job and moves out of state... I also have activated a case with the state agency that will go after him for support. It all just takes time, and I am getting broker by the minute....
 
Katie,
I am sorry for what you are going through. I know this may not help but things will begin to look up!
LD
 
((((((katie))))) hugs to you! I am so sorry you are having a tough time right now. You need to take care of yourself and that begins with how you talk to yourself. You are not fat - you are a good mother, you are working hard everyday, you seemed to have gotten yourself out of a bad relationship...all of those positive things I learned just from reading ONE little post...you are so much more than you are giving yourself credit for...

Be kind to yourself - you are going to be ok - you are ok right now as you are...hang in there!! Take care of yourself.
 
>I should mention that I AM pursuing Collin's dad for child
>support. I do have a court order for support, and the money
>is *supposed to* come directly from his paycheck. However,
>that doesn't do you much good when he quits his job and moves
>out of state... I also have activated a case with the state
>agency that will go after him for support. It all just takes
>time, and I am getting broker by the minute....

then what he has done is illegal b/c my dad pulled that. we lived in NY for a short time and he skpped and went back to NJ. if he doesn't comply with orders he can do jail time!! he has to let them know what his moves are when he changes address and/or gets a new job. hopefully this issue will get resolved ASAP, and he will have to answer to the courts and his son! what a waste of space,sorry but anybody who can't help take care of their kids are just a waste of space to me.

you did right by going with the agency and use ANY resource possible. i hope you can find some solutions in the meantime, i am not all that great money so i don't know what to tell ya. when my mom did this,there were 4 of us and she was jobless, so that tells you we were on assistance until she got on her feet again.and i have my DH but i am out work so have something,we just had to make sacrifices and a few loans until i go back the end of the month.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"

http://images.meez.com/user03/06/01/04/060104_10010099873.gif
 
>I should mention that I AM pursuing Collin's dad for child
>support. I do have a court order for support, and the money
>is *supposed to* come directly from his paycheck. However,
>that doesn't do you much good when he quits his job and moves
>out of state... I also have activated a case with the state
>agency that will go after him for support. It all just takes
>time, and I am getting broker by the minute....

Any chance that you can receive some type of aid from a state agency? If your income is not that high, you may qualify for some aid programs. Ask around at the Court and do some digging. You may qualify for programs that assist with house bills, food, daycare, etc. and that may lighten your load a bit while you are pursuing your baby's father for support. It's going to take a while, espeically if he is out of state, but in the interim, you may find a way to get by through other resources.

Good Luck!
 
I'm not familiar with programs for state workers, but I remember working for a company that provided emergency loans, or if you have a 401k you may be able to withdraw due to hardship. Maybe you can speak with your boss (if you have a good relationship) to help you get a transfer to another job which may have a better pay.

Although you should definitely pursue your husband, don't let it consume your life emotionally. Make a new life for you and your children as best you can. I am confident you can get through this bad time in your life, and your life will be better than ever. I was laid off from a job in January and still have not found anything, have resorted to selling whatever jewelry I have to pay rent and my bills are all in collection (I had excellent credit until this happened). What's worse is that temp agencies don't want to place me w/ jobs paying under $25/hr because they think I'm overqualified. I have about 40lbs to lose and being 42, I'm beginning to see signs of aging and feel that the employers consider me old and irrelevant. It's been very depressing, but I have to believe that something will turn around and life will be better than ever. I think we all go thru these bad cycles, some longer than others, but take comfort in knowing that others have gone thru similar situations and have come out on top. I'm wishing you the very best and hope that you are able to focus on what is good in your life(i.e. children, health) to get you thru.
 
>I should mention that I AM pursuing Collin's dad for child
>support. I do have a court order for support, and the money
>is *supposed to* come directly from his paycheck. However,
>that doesn't do you much good when he quits his job and moves
>out of state... I also have activated a case with the state
>agency that will go after him for support. It all just takes
>time, and I am getting broker by the minute....

Oh - I SO feel your pain! I could have written that post myself. My ex didn't move out of state (YET, he would if it would get him out of paying) but he changes jobs frequently and every time I have to fight to get the mandatory deduction moving again. I have called Child Support Enforcement over and over again. When I got tired of that not working fast enough, I called my state rep's office (and a senator's) and talked with them. One thing I have learned is the minute that support check doesn't come in, for whatever reason - I need to get on the phone immediately. It's a big government office and the more noise you make the more attention you will be paid. After all, this agency's job is to enforce child support. You have to be the proverbial squeaky wheel and remind them sometimes.

This is just not a new thing for me. The man owes me over $15,000 in back support and our daughter is not even seven years old yet.



Jeanine

We find beauty in the most incomprehensible places and the otherwise homely faces. It is our gift to see beyond the dirt, terror, sadness and defeat and find the true soul that lies within. We are Rescue.
www.cfgdr.org
 
BTDT also.

I know here in CA you can get assistance to help with you two now, and then they will take any arrears and pay back the state.

Just remember that you have to do what you can for your child - don't worry about what people may think. It will all blow over some day and you will always be glad you took care of what you had to.

I took the "lack of $" as a challenge and let my children know we just had to be careful for a while. We had loads of fun figuring out meals to cook and ways to enjoy each other without spending $.

You will get through it - just hang in there.

My "baby girl" turned 18 a couple of months ago and all three of my children (from 18 - 22) still have loads of good memories.

We lived in a one bedroom apt - had not a lick of furniture - friends loaned us a few things to make due. We all four slept on two queen sized blow up mattresses in our one bedroom. They took up the entire floor ! The kids called it "camping". We just joked about it a couple of weeks ago.

Try to make light of whatever you can - and most of all - don't give up your exercising. You need the physical and mental boost to hang in there! :D
 
Thanks for all of your kind words, everyone! You really did make me feel better.

I am angry about the money, and it is really hard making ends meet, but I am more angry about the complete lack of integrity this person has. He is just dispicable. And unfortunately, he is the father of my child...
 
>Thanks for all of your kind words, everyone! You really did
>make me feel better.
>
>I am angry about the money, and it is really hard making ends
>meet, but I am more angry about the complete lack of integrity
>this person has. He is just dispicable. And unfortunately,
>he is the father of my child...

i know now it seems like he won't get his just dues, but the day will come when he will want contact with his son, and his son will turn him away. i think that will be the lowest point for him, not even time in jail can measure up to the punishment of being to late to spend time with a child. it might not be anytime soon, but one day he might want to reach out and that hand will be slapped away!! until then live for you and your son. i see a lot of strength in your smile, keep it up

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"

http://images.meez.com/user03/06/01/04/060104_10010099873.gif
 
I agree completely with kassia - I always thought I was getting the shaft with my kids because I was the one getting bad mouthed all the time and ended up on the short end of the stick when it came to the $.

My Ex actually got quite a large inheritance shortly after we divorced and didn't work for a couple of years. Then I got to pay the child support. He made in the six figures before we divorced and I made $10/hr.

Could go on and on, but now my kids are older and I see what he has done with his life - they completely know I did much more than he ever could and they know they can't count on him at all.

His life has gone quite far down the tubes and I honestly believe he is getting what he has had coming to him.

HOWEVER, anger toward the Ex's only weakens you on the inside as it is not healthy. You have your obligations to your child and try, hard as it is, to keep focused on the two of you and let the world take care of your Ex.

Don't let material things or $ get in the way of you having a happy life with your child. Not worth it and I am speaking from experience.
 
Thanks again everyone for your replies and kind words.

I am feeling better, workouts have been good for a couple of days. Also, I got notice of the show cause hearing that I filed for (for back support) -- it is scheduled for September 27. I also found out that DCSE has started receiving payments from his employer, so I should start getting money soon. As long as he keeps his job, I should be alright...

By the way, I have an amazing man in my life who is supportive both emotionally and financially to me and my son when we need it (and even when we don't). I'm so thankful for him...
 
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