I think I need a doggy psychiatrist

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
My poor little pug Maximus is depressed. Or behaving abnormally. He's been acting strangely every since Cosmo left.

I wouldn't say he has signs of visible depression, but it seems like he's distancing himself from me. Before he used to always have to be on my lap or at least curled up next to me. Now he's usually on the floor & only comes onto my lap when he's wants a nap. When I go upstairs to shower, fold laundry or whatever he stays downstairs sleeping on the couch.

Sad b/c I need him now more than ever. One thing I've realized is that even though I'm the one feeding & letting out, I wasn't the mommy, Cosmo was. I don't know if he's trying to replace her by sleeping on her old spots on the floor, or if he's mad at me for her being gone, or WTH is going on.

In some ways he's actually become a better dog. He's completely stopped marking in the house & while we used to average one accident a week we haven't had any since she left 2 mos ago. He doesn't bark as much & seems to have calmed down quite a bit (although I think this is pretty normal for a 6 YO dog).

Not sure what to do. Pugs are definitely companion animals but I'm just not in the position I used to be in when I got him--I used to work a normal 40 hour week but now between work & exercise I average about 70 hours per week & I just don't see how I'd have time for another dog. Wouldn't be fair to the dog, Max, or me.

I'm kind of at a loss. Anyone else been thru this? I really need some help w/this one.
 
I think the combination of Cosmo being gone and you at work more has just made him be more independent. If you think about it, he's probably alone a lot of his waking hours. He's probably trying to find his equillibrium with all the change that's been forced on him.

My six year old is sleeping more also. I think that's the age when
most dogs start slowing down a bit.

I know you have a busy lifestyle but there are always adult dogs waiting to be adopted :) I would imagine that would be much easier than training and bonding with a new puppy. Just a suggestion :)
 
It does sound like Maximus is missing Cosmo (how is Minnie doing).
It may take some extra time and TLC from you to help him get out of his funk.

The only suggestions I can make:
I'd talk to him more than usual, and make sure that he does come on your lap and with you when you fold clothes (use an excited voice to let him know how fun it's going to be, and talk to him while you do it).
 
Hi Lauramax,

I lost my bird last year April 11, 2006-I had 2 of them and when the one died I was very distraught and I think I passed that on to the other bird and so she seemed distraught as well. I took it very hard not sure if you have the same feelings I did but my birds are my best friends and they are on my shoulder every second I am home. It took me months (I am still not back to normal) but I finally realized I was not spending as much time with my Cecil-so I made the time to and she pulled out of the "depression" I did get another bird after swearing up and down I was done no more animals I cant take the pain of the loss-and Cecil did not like the bird at first but she has come around and now they are friends. For me-it helped to get another bird and I think it helped Cecil. I know this situation is not the same as yours since you can put a bird in a cage but you cant with a dog but maybe a kitten would help? Anyway I hope some of this helped alittle. Your in my thoughts and prayers Lauramax.

Lisa
 
No advise, just (((HUGS)))

Catherine

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I just got the first season of the Dog Whisperer on dvd. I was skeptical of the whole dog psychology until I watched the first couple of shows and read his tips on bringing a new dog into the home. I thought he advocated not allowing your dog sleep in your bed. He only recommends that when you first bring a new dog home. I'm learning a lot more than what I thought I would from watching him interact with these dogs. Anyhow, if I see any similar situations, I'll let you know how Cesar Milan handled it.
 
"Sad b/c I need him now more than ever."

First I wanted to say that sometimes we displace our own feelings on our pets and it could just be the way your little pug is dealing with changes and nothing to worry about. Animals also have a way of being in tuned to the emotions in their environment.

I would also suggest acting more excited when you see your baby and making the time you usually spend bonding even more special.

I also agree that your dog could just be becoming a little more independent. You may be noticing these little changes because of the state you have been in dealing with your loss.

Maybe your pug was around you more before because there was more "competition" in the house for attention...just a thought.

would be easier if we could have our little ones talk to us.

Tina
 
LauraMax ..

IA .. I think it is a combination of the loss of Cosmo .. and your long hours away. Dogs do greive .. and like humans have to have time to sort it out.

When I first got married . . we had 2 beagles that were brothers and slept together and played together .. and one was poisoned and died in front of his brother .. his brother grieved him so bad. He refused to eat .. and his ears hung .. and wouldn't play .. he became very stoic ... it took several months to get his mojo back. The vet just recommended lots of love and time.

My advice would be for the time you do have at home include him on anything you do ... laundry .. bath time .. LOL .. sounds silly .. but I too am away from home a lot . . and try to make it a point to talk to my babies and tell them .. "come on .. let's go in here and fold clothes" .. "come on time to cook dinner" .. I know .. silly .. but they love it .. Buster will follow me around the house while I do house work .. and of course it slows down my housework b/c he is usually doing something silly that I just have to stop and give him some love and tell him how pretty he is .. LOL .. he also sits in the bathroom while I get my bath . . waiting for his mama to get out of the tub!

I am not that familiar w/the pug breed .. but as with any animal that has lost his best friend he is going to greive .. and may need some extra TLC even if it is just doing laundry with you ..

Good luck .. {{ hugs to you and Maximus }}
 
Do you walk him daily? I was having some behavioral problems with Cricket, my corgi puppy, and the trainer suggested she needed to be walked. I hadn't been because of my knee. The change in her was immediate.

Then the weather got super cold, so I didn't take her for awhile and she got bad again. I started watching The Dog Whisperer (actually have it set on my DVR), and his first piece of advice for everyone is EXERCISE! Exercise, discipline, then affection.

So...I'm walking the dogs daily again and it makes such a difference! It will help Maximus engage his mind, plus give him some quality time with you.

I also work 40+ hours a week. Exercise daily, attend 3-4 tae kwon do classes a week (5-6 if you count taking my daughter), and take my daughter to swim class once a week. So when does that give me time to give the dogs a half hour walk everyday? 4:30 a.m. baby! On the weekends, it's better. I'll take them for a longer walk and it can be light out.

You know what else is really nice? I just enrolled Cricket in agility training through our local branch of the AKC. She had her first class on Saturday morning and she loved it. I loved it. It's going to be a lot of fun once she gets some practice.

What about a cat? If you get Max a kitten, the kitty could provide some nice company while you're gone. My older dog has always had cats with him. So has Cricket, but she's just a puppy and tends to terrorize them. Tries to herd them...

Or maybe doggy daycare a couple times a week? Then Max could get some social activity with other dogs.
 
Nah, I hardly walk him at all. Problem is I live in a pretty urban area. Last time I took him for a walk we went by a bus stop (of which there are 4 surrounding my block alone) & there was an idling bus there, scared the daylights out of the poor little guy. Doggy daycare is a thought but with my real estate situation being a bit precarious at the moment I hesitate to spend that kind of money.

Minnie is doing OK but w/Max crated all day I don't think they're really bonding. He plays w/her at night & at this point it seems like he wants to be w/her more than me. Not sure how I feel about that except I think my feelings are a little hurt. Having a pug & a cat running around you, over you & basically ignoring you like you're just another piece of furniture is kind of a drag.

Otherwise I think I'm doing everything you guys suggested--certainly have been showering him w/love & attention whenever I'm home. I couldn't help it if I wanted to--I love the little guy to death & without Cosmo I have extra attention to give.

That said, I am tempted to get another dog (there's a 2 YO female on our local pug rescue site & I'm having a really hard time not starting the adoption process) b/c, as selfish as it sounds, I miss Cosmo's unwavering, single minded devotion & maybe I'm the one looking for more attention. :(
 
<<Nah, I hardly walk him at all. Problem is I live in a pretty urban area. Last time I took him for a walk we went by a bus stop (of which there are 4 surrounding my block alone) & there was an idling bus there, scared the daylights out of the poor little guy.>>

That's what's nice about walking early, early morning. There is less activity outside. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it's probably not a good idea to bring another dog into the house unless you are able to really give them what they need. A pug is a tiny dog - a short walk is fine. 20 - 30 minutes a day should do it.

I seriously felt guilty about not walking my dogs daily after watching Cesar. Yesterday, I was watching an episode with this couple with 3 dogs. When he asked about walking them, they admitted that they don't really have the time. He suggested they walk them before they go to work and the woman replied, "that's awfully early in the morning." What else could Cesar say, except, "that's the responsibility you accepted when you chose to have a dog".

Dogs count on us to give them the best that we can.

I really hope that didn't come across badly...it was meant in a very caring way.
 
No, I understand what you're saying. I can't do it, but I get it. No way I'm up at 4:30 am when I'm at work till 10:00 or midnight. Also b/c of where I live it would not be safe. Maybe if I was walking a German Shephard, but not a pug. ;-)

Believe it or not, I have 28 buses coming down my street between 5:30 am & 7:30 am. One reason I'm trying so hard to move (haven't slept w/my windows open in 5 years x( ). It's a noisy area with a lot of crime. Of course a move isn't gonna be easy for Max either--yet another major change in his life he'll have to adjust to.

Hopefully it'll just take some time. Maybe when elections are done I'll have more time off to spend w/him. I think whoever said it was wrong for me to bring another dog into the house was right. I'm just not sure if there's something I could be doing to help both him and me.

Sometimes it sucks to be single & childless. Don't get me wrong--I love my life--but sometimes it is lonely.
 
I do love what I'm learning since watching Cesar. My Calvier King Charles mix never listens to my children because they give her attention unconditionally and immediately. I've learned that they are rewarding her barking and jumping on them, as if she's happy to see them. When in fact, she's yelling, "Where have you been! Who do you think you are to come and go as you please! PET ME NOW!" LOL I've always ignored my dog when first entering my house. When I'm ready to acknowledge her, I tell her to sit and calm down before I will pet her. I leave the walking and feeding to the children.

Yet she always obeys, prefers and follows me. She'll even protect me if my dh starts play fighting. She doesn't try bullying me around like she does to others. I asked the vet about this and he said that dogs are just that way. They decide who becomes their best beloved, nothing you can do will change it. Now, I'm wondering if it's because she sees me as the pack leader, which I most certainly am. LOL One time she angered me with her excited antics and knocked my coffee over, spilling it all over the place. I went over to her and made her lay down while I scolded her. After watching Cesar, I'm kinda scared that maybe I think too much like a dog. LOL
 
Hi Laura,

been thinking about you! As you know I have been going through a similar thing, had to put Jake down mid October, his bestest pal, Cody was grieving until probably 2 weeks ago. Despite of the fact that we have 3 other dogs to keep him company. Cody was soooo depressed and I think my other puppies kind of "took the edge off" but he wasn't the same for a LONG time. Him and Jake have been best friends for over 8 years. Now he has come out of his shell a lot, I hate to say that, but he is doing better now than he did with Jake, but part of it maybe me, because I am spending more time with the dogs than I did before, or just doing more things with them than I did with Cody and Jake.

Personal opinion, don't look at it from a perspective that you "don't have time for another dog", look at it from a perspective, get someone to help you keep Max occupied and happy, especially if you work much more than before!

I know people, in general, look at me, thinking I am a complete wacko, having 4 dogs (and I probably am :) ) BUT, having several dogs to me, is actually LESS work than having just one because I need to pay a LOT more attention to that one dog. Dogs are pack animals, if Cosmo is gone, he'll be grieving about his pal, you are gone much longer, additional grieve.

My advise, get another dog!!!!!! But be very careful to match the new dog with Max's personality!

ETA: On a different note, however, I just reread your posts. Wow, you are gone 70 hours a week?? Based on a 5-day work week that means Max is crated for 12 hours, add on 8 hours of sleep (you gotta sleep, girl), that leaves 4 hours of play per day. I hope I don't sound offensive, but I'd be depressed if a was a dog!

I won't crate my dogs if I know I will be gone more than 4 hours (other than at night time). I will close the doors to some of the rooms that contain the "interesting stuff for my dogs :) and they have free roam of the yard (however, I have a fenced yard). I am a proponant of crating to protect dogs from getting into trouble, but, boy, 10 or 12 hours per day is a long time!


Take care, sweetie! Big hugs!

Carola
 
Carola - I agree with you on the crating thing. When we got Cricket, I decided to crate train her and it was definitely part of the "crate rules" to not crate more than 4 hours. While we're gone for work, Cricket is gated in the kitchen, but has the whole room. Her crate is in there, but the door is left open and she uses it as her sleeping area. If we go out after we come home from work, and will be gone for less than 4 hours, I would crate her. As she gets older and less destructive, I probably won't crate her at all. I'll have to see how it goes. Every dog is different.

At night, I will sometimes crate her, and sometimes let her sleep wherever she feels like sleeping. It depends on how crazy she's being and how little time we've been home that day. If it has been a day we were gone for all but a couple hours, I will let her sleep with me.
 
He probably isn't crated for more than 4 hours at a time. I go home for lunch every day so he gets about an hour break, & when I work at night I don't crate him--I figure the poor little guy needs a little exercise, water, etc.

Sadly, the first night I had to work after Cosmo was gone I got home & he seemed really freaked out--kept running around the house as if he was searching for something, which I guess he probably was. It was like roaming the house without her all night traumatized him. But he seems to have gotten used to it.
 
Okay...here's a WACKY idea to get the little guy out of the house and maybe help him bond with you.

Try bringing Cosmo to work with you. Put a dog bed in your office and let him hang out. If your boss gives you any grief, remind him of all the crap you put up with on a daily basis (like babysitting his kid) and threaten a lawsuit. }( }(
 
Actually I have done that a couple of times. :) Once I brought him back after lunch, & one night I brought him in when there was no one else here. He was a good boy too, he curled up next to me in my office & just hung out until we left. Really surprised me b/c I thought he'd be bouncing off the walls. :+
 
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