I miss my fiance :(

[trixie108]

Okay, so I'm at my wit's end with my fiance's job. He works part time as an area outreach coordinator with the Wounded Warrior Project, basically helping Iraq and Afganistan vets who are severely wounded transition back into civilian life. I am super proud of him, and he absolutely loves what he does.

However, I have noticed recently that his job is beginning to affect our relationship. He primarily works on weekends, attending events and rallys and whatnot. He also golfs a lot, with important volunteers and donors. So a lot of times he comes home and his leg is really sore (he is a below the knee amputee), and all he wants to do is sit around. So that leaves me to come home from my 9 to 5, and then have to clean up after him and straighten the house. And to top it off, he only gets paid for part time work, which is about $600 a month. Now he calls me and says he's going to Wyoming for a week at the end of September, on top of having events every weekend. AARGH!

I have talked to him before about helping me around the house, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. And when I ask him to maybe skip an event or something so we can spend some time together, he makes me feel like the bad guy, because he is helping so many people and I am just being selfish. I have even suggested going to a counselor to work things out, and he thinks that is just ridiculous.

I am at the point where I am considering calling off the wedding, because I know I can't live like this the rest of my life Help!! (Thanks for letting me vent!)

 

[Liann]

Wow Nicole, that's a tough situation. While what he is doing is absolutely wonderful, he really does need to make time for you as well. I have a very dear friend whose father was a pastor. He spent so much time ministering to other families, visiting the sick, etc... that he never spent any time with his own family. If she brought it up with him, she got the same spill about being selfish etc... It eventually became such a problem that he did retire from being a pastor and spent the next few years trying to put his own family back together (which was a mess by that point). I know the situations are not the same, but sometimes you have someone that puts so much into helping other people that they forget to take care of their own relationships. It sounds like you have already voiced your concerns to him, but maybe another serious talk is in order, especially since you are about to commit to this person. You need to know that you are going to be first in his life. ((((HUGS))))

 

[Miss Lee]

DH and I make a large donation to the Wounded Warrior Project every December. It's a great organization and the money goes exactly where they say it goes. It's a highly rated charity and worthy of your charity dollars.

I really feel for you. My DH is gone all the time. He works 12 to 14 hours a day nearly everyday, and he travels a lot, too. It can be lonely, but I know in my heart of hearts that there isn't a lot he can do about it, short of quitting his job, which will never happen. I love him so I bear it. On the other hand, when he's home he's really good to me. We try to make up for the loss of time together on Saturday nights, our date night, and we don't let anything interfere with it.

I would suggest 2 things -- first, that you try attend some of these charity events with him -- try to get into his world a little bit.

I also HIGHLY recommend at least one night a week that you spend together in devotion to your relationship.

I really don't have any great words of wisdom. I know my DH loves me and he's grateful for how I keep the home fires burning. that makes up for a lot of stuff.