Hey Moms - Potty Training question!

tricia

tricia

Cathlete
Hello all you moms (and dads!) out there.

I started potty training my 30 month old daughter on Monday, and I've run into a problem that I think is pretty common. She knows to get herself to the bathroom and pull down her pants, and sit down.
The problem is she doesn't want "let go" once she gets there.

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get her to relax? I think she's fidgetting around too much and she doesn't focus on what she's doing. She is distracting herself from why we're there until she feels like she has been sitting long enough and gets up. (I don't force her to sit if she absolutely doesn't want to.) I really want to get her past this roadblock, because she is sooo close to getting it and I know once she accomplishes this, she'll be so proud of herself and will keep it up.

I also have to start potty training her twin brother soon, and I'm trying to get her to a point of going on the potty most of the time.

Any ideas? Thanks as always for anyone who can help with this. I've tried the parenting websites and I'm getting no replies, so I've come to the place where I always find support!

THANKS!
Tricia
 
My son did the same thing! And you're right, you can't force her to sit. 30 months is about the time both of my children really started to get it as well, and it happened really fast once they got the hang of it.

Anyway, with my son I had the same sort of frustration. He just kind of hung out for awhile, sang some songs, talked to himself, and then got up and wet his pants five minutes later. :) I tried running the water and just leaving him alone, and one day he "tinkled" without realizing it, and he was so proud! After that experience he seemed to finally understand what he was waiting for and it got easier from there. Within a week he was trained during the day; however, he wasn't consistently dry at night until he was almost 5. Neither was my daughter, so I didn't worry about it. We all know that bodies grow faster than bladders!

I realize this isn't much of a suggestion of what to do, but more of a reminder that it's just a waiting game until the light goes on in their little heads. Actually, I do have one suggestion. Don't use Pull-Ups during the day!! Let them feel when they're wet. If they don't feel it, they won't learn. Even out shopping let them wear underwear. I took two changes of clothes everywhere I went, but it was worth it to be consistent with training. I used Pull-Ups only at night so I didn't have the mess to clean up if there was an accident. Also, once you get them in underwear they never want to go back to diapers, so we had to refer to the Pull-Ups as "special night-time underwear." That way they felt grown up and we weren't giving them mixed signals with going back and forth with diapers. Best of luck to you!
 
I agree with Natalie... it is a waiting game. Managing sphincters is a challenge. :)

I almost started a potty training thread. As I was cleaning the breakfast dishes off the table, I saw liquid in DS's chair and on the floor. At first I thought he spilled his juice but realized this liquid didn't match the color of the juice. So, I ask DS what happened and he proudly replied "I pee pee". I guess he couldn't leave the table (he does love to eat... it brings him joy) and decided to drop his bottoms and go right there? I dunno.

He is 3 and not all that interested in using the potty.
 
OK....you may laugh at me....but it worked with my daughter. She was going number 1 just fine, but was so scared to go number 2. I finally made up a story about a park because my daugher LOVES the park, and by gosh the story worked. Before you read, be forwarned....I use the word poo-poo A LOT! Here is basically how the story went......

Inside your belly you have poo-poos. And they really want to come out. You know why? When you let them out, they play in the water, just like a pool. But more than that, when we flush them away, they go down the poo-poo slide to the poo-poo park. At the park they have poo-poo swings. You know how much you love to swing? They love it too! But, they can't go to the poo-poo park unless you let them out. They are really sad in your belly and really want to play at the park. Do you think you could let them out so they could go down the slide and play on the swings??? And then when she would go, I would let her flush and we would say bye-bye to the poo-poo and tell them to have fun at the park!

I also did a sticker chart with her. She got to put a sticker on when she went number 2. That helped the situation as well.

I also had her train her dolly to use the potty (the whole modeling thing....she teaches the doll and hopefully she will go too). She has a little doll and we would put her on the potty. Then I would hide a totsie roll in my hand and drop it in the potty and say 'Look! She went poo-poo!!!!" And then we would dance and sing for her dolly because she went poo-poo. I think that helped as well. Her dolly got lots of parties because she went poo and eventually when my daughter started going, we did little dances and sang for her as well.

Ok, now I'm embarassed for all the crazy things I do all in the name of motherhood!
 
Hi Tricia-
To help my daughter along, I told her things like, "it's just like when you did it in your pull-up but now it goes into the potty" and "let's listen for the splash" or "hear the tinkle sound?". Though she didn't have trouble "letting go" she did seem nervous when she was doing #2 so reassuring her that it was very normal to do this ("everybody goes poo poo and pee pee in the potty!") helped. During the training with pull-ups and then with just underwear, we would also ask her to tell us where it's supposed to go ("in the potty!!"), just to reinforce the idea.
Diana
 
All the ideas mentioned are great but my piece of advice is don't push it. I began potty traing my daughter at about 3 years old listening to everyone else. She wasn't ready. We had tons of accidents and tons of screaming matches as I felt like a failure. I finally backed off and waited. Each time she did go , I reinforced it with lots of praise and we even had a party with presents and a cake the first time she went both #1 and #2 on te potty, but still it was months before she was potty trained. I signed her up for camp and told her she couldn't have accidents, she was 3.9 when camp started and fully trained. A great video /book is once upon a potty. There is one for girls and one for boys.
 
Wow,

Thanks everyone for your ideas and support! I am definitely not going to push her on this - if we have to clean up accidents, then so be it. I also used the doll and had her train it - we are using the Azrinn/Fox method from their book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day". I did this with my 4 year old, and she was trained in about 3 hours. We still had to deal with bedtime accidents, but that only lasted about a week or so. Now, with her its only every once in a while. So I know it can be done! I just didn't have any of the anxiety to deal with with my eldest and so it threw me this time!

With Marissa, it's so cute because she says "I don't wanna have to go potty, Mommy." That's how I know to get her heading in that direction. I've been able to remain very calm, yet firm with her that we have to go on the potty. IF we don't, she has to practice walking to the potty 10 times from different places in the house. (These, she does very well - even though she says "I don't wanna have to practice potty, Mommy", HHMM, I'm noticing a pattern here....) And she stays in underwear, any time she asks to put on her diaper, I tell her, no, you don't wear diapers anymore, remember?
I think it's a little hard in that regard because her brother is still in diapers...

I like the song about the park and I will shamelessly sing it to her the next time we try to potty!! Heck, aren't we all willing to look silly and foolish for our children? That's part of the job description, isn't it?

Thanks again, and please - feel free to keep the suggestions coming! I'll be sure to let everyone know what finally worked,
Tricia
 
I just remembered something my best friend did with her girls. She let them pick out panties they liked with Disney Princesses on them. Then she said, "If you potty in your pretty panties, then Cinderella will "cry", so don't potty in your panties, potty in the toilet."
I have to say it was pretty hilarious to see the trainee come running down the stairs with pee-pee trickling down her legs saying, "Mommy! Cinderella is crying! I have to go potty!"

But it worked with her kids!
 
Hi Everyone,

I've tried several of these suggestions - so far no luck, but I'm not giving up! It was funny, Natalie, I told Marissa about not making the princesses cry. Her response was, Oh no, she's crying...
Poor, poor princess. (In the most sympathetic, sweet voice - but she's still not going to the potty!)

A few new questions:

Has anyone tried these stickers that go into the potty and change into a train or fairy when they go pee? (Toot'n Tinkle is what they're called.) Interesting idea, just not sure how this would stay inside the potty?

Also, does anyone REALLY Really use potty sticker charts with much success? I'd hate to put this up, explain it and have her show no interest. I'd love to hear if anyone likes this method.


Tricia
 
Hi Tricia.

Does your daughter have a favorite character? The reason I ask is I created my own little sticker chart. My girl LOVES Dora, so we went online and found some fun Dora pictures. I let her pick them out. Then I copied them into a word document and put a chart in there. She liked the chart because she helped me make it. I then bought a really cheap sticker book at Walmart and I let her choose what sticker she puts on. She has a little bit more ownership in it since she helped me make it. I also told her that when her chart was all full, we would go to the $1 store and she could pick out anything she wanted. That also was a little encouragement.

I have never heard of the toot'n tinkle (very funny name). They sound cute though.

I do want to chime in with the others that she just may not be ready yet. You may want to take a break from it for awhile and come back to it again in a couple of weeks/months.

Good luck to you! We all know how frusterating it is!
 
We used cheerios with my son...he was supposed to sink the star ship with his yellow light saber, (he really likes Star wars). Not exactly the same as the stickers, but we used those mostly for target practice.

I was having the same problem with my daughter. I used to make all kinds of pushing grunts so she would try to go, but alas she is stubborn. Then finally one day I caught her right before she needed to go. She sat on the toilet and told me that she needed a diaper. I explained that it was ok, Mommy goes pee-pee in the toilet, daddy goes pee-pee in the toilet, Brother goes pee-pee in the toilet and so on naming all sorts of relatives. She finally couldn't hold it any more and went. She actually started to go, then stopped it, I encouraged her and she went a little more, encouraged her again and she figured it out. I sang the "you did it, you did it" party song gave her lots of hugs and high fives. Since then she gets what it was I was talking about all along and can now push it out. We just give loves and high fives, but we did get her some princess panties and we've talked about how tinkerbell or whatever character doesn't want to get pee-pee on them, they think it's yucky.

Good luck!

Lindzebird
 
Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to hop on here to give you an update. Marissa is doing much better now, I've found a way to coax her to go potty. On Sunday, she was playing outside with her Daddy and brother, when she came inside to tell me they found a frog....I could tell she needed to go potty, and asked her if she wanted me to go see the frog with her. When she said yes, I told her she had to put the pee in the potty, then we would go see the frog. So she went to the potty chair (which I've moved to a corner of the living room for easier access) and sat down. She got right back up, and I told her again that she had to go potty before she could go back outside. Well, after the fourth time she realized I was serious, and immediately went to the potty to go!! This has worked several more times since, I just see what she's involved in and ask her if she wants me to join her (reading, coloring, etc.), and when she says yes I tell her to put the pee in the potty first. (I also tend to wait until she should be ready to go again!) She is still having naptime and bedtime accidents, and she hasn't had a BM yet on the potty, but I'm glad for any progress!! And yesterday when we went to playgroup, she told me she had to go and we ran to the potty to go - SUCCESS!

Just wanted to thank everyone for the input, I have utilized alot of the tips here and feel they contributed to our success so far!
Tricia
 
Successful parenting is always a balance of bribery, coercion and mild treachery.

M&Ms were the bargaining chip in our house.

Loving parent or brutal dictator... future historians will decide.
 
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