HELP! I'm panicking!

[wendybdh]

I only have 2 weeks left and I'm really starting to panic- not about the delivery but how my and DH's life is going to change.

I have an amazing relationship with my DH(married 7 years, together for 13) and I'm terrified of it changing. We planned this pregnancy and we were very happy, at first. Now I feel really guilty that I am having second thoughts.

My DH is even worried that he's not "happy enough" and that he won't bond with the baby.

At times, I'm happy but on the other I don't think I'm ready.

Has anyone else and their DH gone through this? I just don't know what to do-is this normal?

 

[[email protected]]

Aww Wendy..I was so the same way...I panicked the last month of my pregnancy because i was so afraid as to how our lives were gonna change..we basically went to work and partied on the weekends...but yet our lives were monotonous..we tried for 10 years to have a baby and never thought it would happen...then Tori came and all i can say is..i cant imagine life without her...yes, its hard when they are so young..no sleep, not eating right...getting to know all about your baby...but it is a good change and you will see when you have your baby...there is nothing in the world like it...try not to stress and take care of yourself...you will see, it only gets better after you have the baby

 

[kristan]

It WILL change, but you won't be able to imagine any other way of life. All I can offer is that there are people who let their lives be monopolized by THE BABY, and on the other hand, people that integrate the baby into their existing family units, with many modifications of course. It seems to me that the moms who adjust the best are the ones that try to maintain their marriages, hobbies, interests, etc. in addition to the baby. You'll be just fine. Once the baby comes, the unsolicted advice and "competitive mommying" will drive you crazy. I suggest you seek an informal role model of a mom you admire-- look at what she does and try to pattern yourself accordingly. kristan, due 11-1, #3

 

[Monica11]

I can't really offer advice, because I'm two months from the arrival my first baby, but I relate to everything you are saying. I worry because we were on the fence about having kids--I was never one of those people that just knew they wanted children. And whenever I spend time with other people's kids, I think "What have I done?" This is so no matter how well behaved they are. In fact, I feel it especially when the kids are well behaved because I can't attribute my feelings to their bad behavior. Honestly, I just find them boring after a little while. It also makes me nervous when I hear other women talk about having strong maternal feelings toward their babies even before they are born. I have no such feelings. I feel like there's this person that I am going to be introduced to soon, and everyone assures me that I will adore her. That excites me and I believe them, but I don't have any actual feelings of love yet. So I guess I feel a little like your DH because I lack that giddy anticipation that other people talk about. All I can do it trust that the parental instinct is powerful and brings feelings you cannot describe or imagine but must experience firsthand. But while I accept that rationally, I sure wish I could personally experience a bit of it now to ease my concerns about what's to come. I guess my point is that lack of excitement or mixed feelings before the baby comes doesn't mean much, the infatuation will kick in later. At least I hope so...

 

[MSJ]

I did not bond with my first child until the night after the night after he was born. It took about 24 hours and then when it hit, it hit hard.

I was once a woman who had planned on never having children and now we are expecting our 6th. Also, I have never been thrilled with other people's children and I'm still not (I'm kind of ashamed to admit)but I love my own and love investing time in them.

Life after baby does change and is an adjustment, but we found that we could still do lots of things we enjoyed. We just bundled up that baby and brought him with us. At 5 weeks old, for example, he was nursing at the North Matthieu Lake at the base of the North Sister in Central Oregon--and it's been that way with all the kids. We just take them all to do what we do and they learn to like it. I'm not really into "kid" activities (we do make some exceptions, like little league and scouts and a few classes here and there). Even though I homeschool, totally centering my life around "kid" activites would drive me completely insane....

I'm babbling--anyway, don't worry about it. You will bond with your baby when it (he, she?) comes.

Maggie

 

[melanalyus]

Totally normal. Did you feel that way also when you found out you were pg? I always do, I wonder...did we do the right thing? You know what? When it comes to having babies, how can you do it wrong? Your heart grows, and love pours out. As a bonus, you can see your DH in different light. I think my husband's the sexiest when he's calmed a colicky baby. Ohhhhhh. How I'm anticipating the birht of the next one!!!!

**Melanie**
baby to be 11/28/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94

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[FiddleFit]

Wendy,

Ach, yes, what you are feeling is very normal, as so many people have already said. I agree with what they all said, too. Sometimes the "bonding" with the child takes some time, for both the mother and the father. Your lives are definitely going to change, but it's funny how the things you used to enjoy doing so much suddenly don't seem as interesting anymore. That baby will have you wrapped around his/her finger before you even realize it's happening! And before you know it, you'll probably be wanting another one........

You'll do great!
Sandra

 

[shopaholic]

My 2 year old daughter was a very planned pregnancy but both hubby and I weren't thrilled when we thought of our life with a child. We were married 6 years together 11 years when I got pregnant and valued our independence. Once she was born, we couldn't imagine our life without her . we still do most of the things we once did but our routine changed and we actually now wonder why we waited so long.

 

[wendybdh]

Thank you all SOOOO much. You all have NO idea how much your posts have helped cheer me up-I feel like you all read my mind. I was feeling really guilty for second guessing our decision to have a child and it's such a relief to know that it's normal for both DH and I to feel this way.

We've been having Wednesday night "date night" where we go out-just the two of us. I just wish we had started doing this long before I became pregnant. I really think it is something that we need to continue once the baby is here-hopefully we'll actually do it instead of just talk about it. I just don't want our lives to become so consumed by the baby that we forget about "us".

Thank you all for your advice and support-I knew I could count on you

 

[Michele S]

Wendy -

I just wanted to add that I'm currently pregnant with #3 and have panicked before the birth of every one!

With my first, it was: Are we doing the right thing; are we ready; do we even know what to do with a baby???? Everything turned out fine!

With my second I felt so guilty because my son was now the center of our universe and I just felt like his little world was going to crash down on him. The morning I went into labor, I cried leaving for the hospital - I just felt soooooo bad! My daughter was born and everything turned out fine!

Now with this one, I'm just "realizing" that I'm due the beginning of May. My husband is in school and HOPEFULLY his finals will be done by the middle/end of April; my son will be making his First Holy Communion in May and it also means I won't be going on his school trip, which I know is really going to bum him out! So again(!) I'm thinking should we have waited another month, is everything going to work out..... And I KNOW that everything will be fine!

So I think, because I know I'm rambling, the panic feeling is normal! Everything will be absolutely great and you'll know it the minute you hold your new baby!

Congratulations and I wish you all the best!