Fell off the wagon!

banslug

banslug

Cathlete
I've been on the boards here long enough (lurking most of the time) to come out of hiding and admit that I've fallen off the food wagon AGAIN! Shelley's honest and open post last week is what is prompting me to come here now.

PLEASE, I don't mind the honest, heartfelt and even blunt opinions and suggestions, but I do not want to hear any bashing!!!

I'm following the Weight Watchers program, it was just 2 years in March. I've been very successful at it losing over 40 pounds, combined with Cathe workouts and running (recently competetively). My issue is NOT that I don't know what's good for me or how to do it. My issue is simple, yet so difficult...self control and my lack of it at times.

I've been really "on program" 100% for 3 straight months now; focussed on my running, rather clean eating, very conistent with both combined. But since Monday, I've lost it all with the food. Monday thru Wednesday were so-so...ate really well during 85% of the day, but when nighttime came I raided the pantry all 3 nights. Yesterday was horrible, and today is starting off the same way.

I don't get it. When I'm good....I'm SOOOOOOOO good. But when I'm bad, you need to nail down anything edible.

Why do we do this? (I am assuming there are others that share the pain.) Why does that switch in my head just turn on and off so very quickly and sometimes so very easily? It makes me so sad that I do this to myself every now and then (turns out to be about every 3 or 4 months).

Thanks, in advance, for any input. And just for listening.

Gayle
 
Gayle,

I just want to give you a {{{{{HUG}}}}} and though I'm not one to give advice on this subject, I will always listen.

Take care and love yourself. I know that others here will come to your aid with valuable advice and suggestions.

Just one more {{{{{HUG}}}}}.
 
Aww, Gayle, sorry to hear you struggling. Is something going on that is making you nervous, anxious, etc and you are not really aware of it yet? Sometimes I turn to food (actually most times) when I have these feelings and I don't even know they are there until I make myself think about it!

Just take care of yourself, forgive yourself, and move on... just one minute, one hour, and one day at a time.

I know it's easier said than done, but remember you have lots of support from people who also struggle with the same things... right here!!

take care! -Tina
 
Hi Gayle,

I am an all-or-nothing type of person, but this will inevitably lead me to times of bingeing when it comes to my diet.

I allow myself to eat chocolate every single day and NOT just one puny piece either. I plan my calories to include my favorite things, reasoning that this is healthier than a binge down the road. I also can remind myself that this isn't the last day I get to eat candy because there are many more ahead!

Usually when I indulge at night it is because of some underlying issue that I want to avoid. Maybe I feel inadequate in some way, perhaps I am worried about money or heart disease, or how good of a mom I am, or if moving to TN was a good choice...the list goes on and on! Perhaps, just take some time to reflect on what may be going on in your life that you don't want to feel?

Also, don't feel guilty for eating too much. What you consume doesn't determine if you are good or bad. Remind yourself that you are a kind, loving mom and woman and the fact that you ate too much the night before doesn't change that.
I hope this helps some and take care!
 
Hi, Gayle -

It sounds to me that you've been very successful at reaching your goals, and I congratulate you! I don't know if you have a diagnosed eating disorder, or if you're like me and just end up splurging every so often. If it's the latter, I can honestly say, don't worry about it!

Yes, it bugs the heck out of me when I do it... although last night I did, and it didn't faze me in the least, come to think of it. Why? Because I knew it was a short-lived thing, and I also know that what I do for myself - healthy eating, exercise, good relaxation/mental health practices - is the right thing. I think it's okay to eat junk food sometimes, or to eat more than the "allowed" calories. In the end, it all evens out. And for me, if I have it in my mind that I'm not allowed, ever, to eat another cookie or whatever, I just want it more, and it ticks me off to know that life is suddenly so restrictive.

I quite frequently have times when I can and do literally eat all day. I really feel hungry, sometimes very hungry, the whole day. It's natural for me to reach for the comfort food (fattening, of course), but I'm trying to grab healthier stuff when that happens.

I don't know if any of this will help you. But I do hope that the support and understanding you find on this forum will!
 
Gayle,

Please don't beat yourself up. We all fall off the wagon now and again. None of us are perfect. Sometimes we just sabotage our efforts for various reasons. The key is not to continue to chastise yourself. You've identified the problem...now clean it up and move on. Sounds easy, huh?!

:)
 
Hey Gayle!

Sorry you are having a hard time and glad you felt you could come here to talk about it.

I wonder if you are depriving yourself a little too much and therefore causing yourself to "crave" things later.

I can tell you what works for me...I love to eat, and I love everything that I eat. I don't care what anybody says...if I want it I'll eat it and if I don't I won't. In my own mind, I consider all the terrible ingredients that are in some foods and I make the solid, guiltless decision not to partake.

Moderation is seriously the key...If there is something you really want, then you should have it, but in moderation.

Stop beating yourself up...don't get on the wagon in the first place...just keep running right along the side of it...it's safer, more fun and more forgiving.

Hang in there...

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(fitxme)
http://www.picturetrail.com/fitxme
 
Gayle,
I so understand how you feel. I still can't believe that I am 38 years old and still have the same habits and obsessions I did 20 years ago. I have learned that I have to take it one day at a time. I have also learned that I can't have any trigger foods in the house. I also know now that my workouts can't always undo the damage. I really really feel for you and please don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like an all or nothing gal like so many of us. That makes it even harder, because like you said you are either really good or really bad. I have learned that if I want a treat to have one and get over it and realize that one treat isn't what gets us into trouble it is the one after that and after that....

Just hang in there and find something to do to nurture yourself besides food, maybe shopping or a really good book that you have wanted. I really don't have great advice just a few things that have helped me in the past. Just know that you are so not alone. We are all here for you and I have seen you post some of your workouts and they sound amazing. Keep up the good work!

Susan
 
Gayle, it sounds like you've received many great words of wisdom so I'm just here to give you {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}.

Have a Happy Easter and don't beat yourself up.

Michele
 
It's going to happen, it does to me...that's for sure! The way I look at it is I'd rather go at 3 steps forward and 1 step back than the constant forward momentum and not have any of the good stuff or the occassional melt down. Anymore, when the urge to over indulge hits, I just try to pick healthier things. Half a box of Kashi Crunch is better than a half a box of cookies.

I have some what come to terms that these momentary lapse of reason are going to occur (now I'm going to have to pull out my Pink Floyd...talk about triggers and cravings). It just seems to darn unreasonable to expect myself to eat perfect every day for the rest of my life. I also know that I am an "all or nothing" kind of gal. If I taste just 1...it's all over, I'll keep going. Most of the time, it is way easier for me to not even take that first taste than to stop the train once it has started.

Ok, where are my Floyd CD's....
 
Gayle, I can totally relate and I really wish I knew what caused this. My problem is not days of binging, but once a week I have given myself a cheat day and let me tell you, they have gotten so out of control that I need to somehow stop them. (Last Saturday I ate half a package of Nutter Butters and if my dh didn't want some I would have eaten the whole thing, no questions asked). I try to just give myself a cheat snack or one meal only but I my line of thinking is, "Well, I already screwed up eating that, may as well continue..." and it goes from there. I just keep eating. Sugar triggers my binges big time. By Sunday I'm fine and I follow my clean eating all week until the next Saturday.

The reason why I initially gave myself Saturday as a cheat day is because I always go visit my mom and we have lunch together. Her food is to die for and always very filling. So from there I just let loose and eat. I have been controlling it a little better but still want to improve more. Its hard. I really wish I knew what causes it.
 
Gayle - if you find out, could you let me know? I found out my job is going away July 7th. I'm actually happy because I get the summer off and it forces me to look for another job (I don't like my current one), but I took it as an excuse to binge. I had wine, pizza, cookies... I feel like I'm the size of Toledo right now. I was good all week. I can only say at least I'm maintaining...

You're doing so well - and I'm so impressed with your marathon and your desire to help others. You offer so much to so many people - if you have a bad week - oh well. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. This too shall pass. {{{{HUGS}}}} sweety!
 
Gayle,

First off, my good thoughts and hugs to you! I've been there.

Second, please try to not beat yourself up. That won't help. Try to accept that these things happen and move on from it. What I try to do (and not that successfully, I must admit) is see bad times and set backs as part of the process. We can't be perfect; it's impossible. So the days where I overeat, or stress too much about food, or slack off working out, are not setbacks really, just days in the process wherein my behavior digresses from the norm :)

Also, I think there must be something in the air, because I know a number of people whose food issues have flaired up recently. For the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about food the way other people think about sex. :7

Good luck, Gayle. Remember there are many of us on the board walking the same path. We are here to listen :)

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Wow Gayle, I think we are having the same week !

I have had a couple of up and down years with both exercising and food. A coupe of bad incidents and some insecurities with my own life (teenagers, work, etc.) and tend to either not want to eat at all or eat everything I can find.

Have been doing pretty well the past couple of months and staying about 90 - 95% "on track".

And then all of a sudden the other day after a great day of eating I came home ready to exercise - I had a glass of protein since I eat a light lunch and then headed straight for the chips. Had two small handfuls. Went to start exercising, felt a little weak so headed for another handful. I know I ate something else too but my mind is now blocking it out. Started to exercise again but think I had too much junk in my belly and hit an overload on the carbs ! I gave up.

But then, got right back on the wagon the next day (and I, like others, will have a small piece of chocolate here and there but not even necessarily every day) and am now feeling pretty good after a couple of much "cleaner" day.

I say to you: "Jump back on your wagon since you can't change the past!" ;)

I think it is great that you are looking to this board for support and understanding. As you can see you are not the only one in the same situation and YOU CAN DO IT ! Your past progress proves it ! :7

Cheers to you and a better upcoming week.

(Sometimes I think it is the old dreaded TTOTM that just kills us. Have you noticed any cyclical cravings?)
 
Gayle, being the friend that I am, I'm going to give it to you straight up. Hitch up the horses and get the wagon ready. You are ready to jump back on. You already have the knowledge, so put it into action. Plan out your snacks in advance. Remember your veggie preps you ususally have around? Get them ready. Clean out the pantry. Make fresh fruit your choice over junk. Of course this might have to wait until after Easter, because you will probably have candy around for the kids. So if you don't make it through this weekend, plan on a fresh start on Monday. You can hang in there til then. Hope you have a wonderful Easter.


Jean
 
Well, as I expected, lots of great advice and support. I knew it would be here. So I thank you again.

LOTS of great advice and tidbits. It's SO SO SO nice to know that other people understand. I appreciate every little tidbit.

I've got tons of ideas and thoughts in my head right now that I don't have nearly the time to write it all down here.

The wagon comment, Marietta (I think) was a good one, about not getting on the wagon in the first place, rather running beside it.

As a few of you pointed out, I am an emotional eater too. But when I sit down to figure out what emotions I'm EATING right now, it's sort of confusing. My life has calmed down CONSIDERABLY from the past 3 years' ordeal with late DH and all. Now my engagement and talk of the future. I guess I need to realize it's not as calm as I thought, but rather a HAPPY calm. Does that make sense? It sounds wierd; LOL.

Losing my weight and gaining a healthy lifestyle again was easier than maintaining it all.

BOTTOM LINE...THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Gayle
 
Hey. Jean....ya popped in just after me.

I cleaned out the pantry this morning right after my initial post. I took an entire 2 FULL BAGS of junk stuff that the kids nor I need or even want over to my neighbor.

Jean, I didn't post this confessional over at the WW boards for some reason I don't understand myself yet. Perhaps because of all the honest, upfront people here who I know also have the same issues with food that I do at times. Thanks for posting!

THANKS!

Gayle
 
Gayle, have you considered that if your life is going well, you might just be scared that something could happen to change it all?
Sometimes, the happy calm times can be the most unnerving.
Fear plays a big role in my eating, so just a thought.

Hang in there! :)
 
Kara-VERY VERY true. I didn't think about that. In fact, now that you say it, something did happen the other day that threw me for a loop! WOW. I didn't think about it till just now.

We were at the playground with a bunch of friends, picnicing, having fun, etc. Just relaxing. A man walked up to the swings with his kids and I would have SWORN ON MY CHILDREN that is was my late DH. I stopped mid-sentence then and all my friends wondered what was wrong. I couldn't take my eyes off this guy. I was even waiting for one of my boys to say something to me about him, but they didn't.

Actually, that night I came home and wondered if it was a sign. Strange.

Gayle
 
I just wanted to post one more

THANK YOU

to all of you for hearing me out and for understanding (and for being gentle with my emotions, lol).

You truly are a great group of women that I consider friends, even though we haven't met.

You are all very special.

HAPPY EASTER!

Gayle
 
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