Expectations too High??

[Jasmin416]

Lately I've been running into and being found by past loves who are now married and/or married with kids. One actually found me to say hello through facebook. I have been evaluating the areas of my life that I'm not content with like career, fitness goals and relationships. I think I need a new job even though I used to love the one I'm in. A past love came into my life and wants to be with me and I'm content to a certain extent and enjoy our time but some part of me can't help thinking maybe there's more that I can have and that someone could be even better suited for me. I'm beginning to wonder if I have an issue with commitment. Part of me wonders if my expectations are too high and if I just need to settle down and grow up or if this is the best I am going to get in all these areas and I just need to accept what is and try to improve where I can. Part of me is always wanting to jump ship when things don't match my expectations. Anyone relate to this?

 

[trixie108]

I am so glad you posted this!! I have been totally feeling the same way lately and thought I was the only one. I am engaged to be married next August, but suddenly find myself having doubts. I mean, things are good, but not great, and I wonder if maybe the should be great all of the time (at least at this point in our relationship), and our relationship is doomed to failure. Or maybe I'm just being too picky about little things and just suck it up and deal with it. I know this doesn't help at all, but I know how you feel!!!

 

[LaughingWater]

Whether or not the expectations are too high depends on the expectations themselves.

Are they unrealistic? Example: My relationship should always be the way it was in the beginning, back during the Puppy Love stage. I should never suffer disappointment. (This sounds silly, but some people subconsciously believe this. It's not easy to experience disappointment at the hands of someone you love.)

Or are they completely reasonable? Example: My relationship doesn't need to be perfect, but it should enrich me and allow me to evolve in a positive way. I won't settle for anything less. *My mother put it best: "The good times should far outweigh the bad."

That line of questioning can be applied to anything in life, including careers and fitness goals.

 

[lioness]

I don't think you have a problem with commitment. I think you are questioning yourself and you should. Many people go into relationships and overlook that nagging little voice telling us that this isn't right. I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning yourself.

The only other thing that I noticed about your post is the phrase you used...."if I just need to settle down and grow up". Do you have expectations that if you don't settle down (get married) that you aren't grown up?

I think right now you are in a period of your life where you are taking stock and finding out that some things are not working in your life. Everyone goes through this from time to time. Don't sell yourself short. Listen to yourself and if something doesn't feel right then let it go.

 

[dragonf1y]

Since you have not stated what your exact expecations are I am with Laughing Water, evaluate your expectations first. Is there someone you trust that you can explore this with? BF, mom, shrink, priest?
I know one of the things that I love most about my DH is that if I am feeling dissatisfied with anything (him, house, friends, work) I can talk through my feelings and discover if there is a valid concern or if I need to let small things go. I am also blessed to be able to talk to my mom the same way.
Never ignore or shove your feelings to the side, but also realize you have a mind that is ready to weigh and evaluate your feelings.
My prayers are with you that you discover what the best direction for your life is.