I just tried to express to my current boyfriend that I was disappointed that he didn't call me yesterday like he said he would and how I feel he could go days without talking to me on the phone and how I'd like to hear from him more often during the week and I got NO WHERE. I was given "I'm busy sometimes and I knew we were getting together Thursday", "What?...do we have to talk everyday?", "Is this going to be our first fight...this is silly", "I guess I haven't convinced you of how in love I am with you?" and lastly, "Are you going to go crazy on me? (like all girls do). Is this a common thing for guys to say? I've had 3 boyfriends repeatedly make comments that women are crazy and I just told my current boyfriend that women probably act crazy because men are always asking that. He doesn't see anything wrong with us not talking as often and I do. He doesn't seem to see my point and I feel discounted because he says this is unimportant and I am being silly. I'm getting so annoyed over this I may just turn into one of those crazy girls. How should I handle this?
Does your SO say that women are crazy?
- Thread starter divagirl
- Start date
a) unfortunately, he's right - women are crazy - we let our emotions
get the better of rational thought way too often; I've seen friends do absolutely insane stuff or make big deal of NOTHING.
b) you indicate a "first fight" how long have you been dating? perhaps you are moving the relationship along faster than he is
get the better of rational thought way too often; I've seen friends do absolutely insane stuff or make big deal of NOTHING.
b) you indicate a "first fight" how long have you been dating? perhaps you are moving the relationship along faster than he is
We've been dating 3 months and excluding our time we spend together all weekend I barely hear a peep from him during the week. I always imagine if someone is truly in love with you they want to touch base everyday to say hi by phone or email or something. He told me a couple weeks ago that he was totally in love with me, yet he can't find the time to call me each monday and tuesday and I'll usually hear from him Wednesday night. We are not seeing eye to eye on this
Diva, I find your posts most interesting 
Yes, I believe men do find women to be crazy, in general. I asked DH once if he thought I was crazy and he said "honey, I think all women are crazy." Of course we women might feel the same way about men
As for getting in a fight over this, or anything, well, it has to be worth it to you. One of the things that I see women do in their relationships (in general!) is to confuse "telling him how I feel" with "so now he's going to do it my way." I had to learn this myself with DH. So many times, as women, we hear "stand up for your rights in this relationship!" and "make sure you demand respect from men!" etc, that sort of thing from the media, other women. Good advice of course, but advice that I think needs to be tempered with common sense and daily living. Relationships aren't Burger King, and we can't always have it our way. In your other post I mentioned that when I told DH I'd like to talk at least once during the day he indulged me on that. However, there are a number of other things that I have mentioned could be different, that he has no intention of changing (for instance, he absolutely refuses to use instant message). He's not being mean or disrespectful, he's just being his own person. Just because a women requests it doesn't mean that a man is obligated to provide it.
And, it works both ways of course. There are just some things that I'm not going to change even though I know DH would prefer them a different way.
HTH! Sparrow
My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
Yes, I believe men do find women to be crazy, in general. I asked DH once if he thought I was crazy and he said "honey, I think all women are crazy." Of course we women might feel the same way about men
As for getting in a fight over this, or anything, well, it has to be worth it to you. One of the things that I see women do in their relationships (in general!) is to confuse "telling him how I feel" with "so now he's going to do it my way." I had to learn this myself with DH. So many times, as women, we hear "stand up for your rights in this relationship!" and "make sure you demand respect from men!" etc, that sort of thing from the media, other women. Good advice of course, but advice that I think needs to be tempered with common sense and daily living. Relationships aren't Burger King, and we can't always have it our way.
In your other post I mentioned that when I told DH I'd like to talk at least once during the day he indulged me on that. However, there are a number of other things that I have mentioned could be different, that he has no intention of changing (for instance, he absolutely refuses to use instant message). He's not being mean or disrespectful, he's just being his own person. Just because a women requests it doesn't mean that a man is obligated to provide it. And, it works both ways of course. There are just some things that I'm not going to change even though I know DH would prefer them a different way.
HTH! Sparrow
My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
I agree with Sparrow. You need to balance your needs with his. If you just spent the whole weekend together, he needs a little space on Monday and Tuesday. So let him have it. Particularly if he always calls on Wednesday. You've only been dating a few months. He needs a little room. And frankly, that may not change. Some people need a little more breathing room that others. You need to balance that out. I know for me personally, if I just spent the whole weekend with someone, I would need space. Talking, talking every day would drive me nuts. Sometimes you just want peace and quiet. Or time with other friends, etc. Give him a break and a little space and see where it goes. Take the "free" time and use it for yourself. Enjoy it.
kathryn
Cathlete
Sparrow gave you some good advice and perspective.
I see two things in your post: one is that you'd like to be in touchh almost daily, whereas he doesn't think it's necessary. It would be good for both of you to talk about your feelings on that, but, as Sparrow said, don't expect him to change.
The other is that he said he was going to call and didn't. That I would take issue with, because it's just rude and lacking in common courtesy, that is, if he really promised he'd call, and didn't make some kind of 'maybe' statement: definitely clarify what both of you mean and expect here. Maybe his promise to call wasn't really a promise in his eyes, and he can't understand why you are angry with him. I think miscommunication is often a cause for tension in relationships.
And I think that, while men and women are both of the same species, we often act like very different creatures, which makes it difficult to understand each other. The important thing, IMO, is to try to make things clear.
I see two things in your post: one is that you'd like to be in touchh almost daily, whereas he doesn't think it's necessary. It would be good for both of you to talk about your feelings on that, but, as Sparrow said, don't expect him to change.
The other is that he said he was going to call and didn't. That I would take issue with, because it's just rude and lacking in common courtesy, that is, if he really promised he'd call, and didn't make some kind of 'maybe' statement: definitely clarify what both of you mean and expect here. Maybe his promise to call wasn't really a promise in his eyes, and he can't understand why you are angry with him. I think miscommunication is often a cause for tension in relationships.
And I think that, while men and women are both of the same species, we often act like very different creatures, which makes it difficult to understand each other. The important thing, IMO, is to try to make things clear.
If my SO ever said such a thing, I'd feel compelled to prove the point, hehe.
I think Sparrow made some very eloquent points. It's important to let the relationship evolve at a natural pace instead of forcing it along (as we are sometimes wont to do). If you are spending every moment of the weekend together, if you know he's calling you on Wed, and he has told you he is completely in love with you, where is the problem, really?? I would say, spend Mon and Tues doing the things you enjoy that make you an interesting person and don't worry too much about him. It sounds like it's going fine!
Marie
I think Sparrow made some very eloquent points. It's important to let the relationship evolve at a natural pace instead of forcing it along (as we are sometimes wont to do). If you are spending every moment of the weekend together, if you know he's calling you on Wed, and he has told you he is completely in love with you, where is the problem, really?? I would say, spend Mon and Tues doing the things you enjoy that make you an interesting person and don't worry too much about him. It sounds like it's going fine!
Marie
my husband would never say that but he's a great guy, always listens,treats me like a princess and respects me. We've been together 16 years, and fought hardly ever, determine if you're happy, it puzzles me why people stay with those that they aren't happy with.
life's too short
at the same time, watch your tone too and approach a subject with how it makes you feel, not with blame on him, he;ll get defensive
life's too short
at the same time, watch your tone too and approach a subject with how it makes you feel, not with blame on him, he;ll get defensive
acatalina
Cathlete
They just think we are crazy because they can't figure us out!!!!
I told my DH . QUIT TRYING!!!!
Just deal with it. I am the boss. When i am happy ,you are happy...
LOL!!!
Anne
Aka( Storm)
http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
I told my DH . QUIT TRYING!!!!
Just deal with it. I am the boss. When i am happy ,you are happy...
LOL!!!
Anne
Aka( Storm)
http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
nancy324
Cathlete
divagirl,
We're all different, but when my DH and I were at that 3-month point we absolutely wanted to talk to each other every day, or at least IM a lot. Maybe that was just us. Also, he would never have asked if I was going to go crazy on him. He would have thought it was fabulous that I wanted to talk to him everyday.
Sometimes I think I purposely chose someone who would be very, very "into" me because I'm so insecure. It's possible that my DH and I are too connected, and it may not be all that healthy. I think my fragile ego is such that I could not handle anything less.
Again, I guess everyone's different.
Nancy
We're all different, but when my DH and I were at that 3-month point we absolutely wanted to talk to each other every day, or at least IM a lot. Maybe that was just us. Also, he would never have asked if I was going to go crazy on him. He would have thought it was fabulous that I wanted to talk to him everyday.
Sometimes I think I purposely chose someone who would be very, very "into" me because I'm so insecure. It's possible that my DH and I are too connected, and it may not be all that healthy. I think my fragile ego is such that I could not handle anything less.
Again, I guess everyone's different.
Nancy
I'm happy to hear you enjoy my posts Sparrow...haha. I just always seem to have a hard time with dating and relationships...probably why I'm 32 and still single. On another note: I appreciate all the posts and its nice to get a different view. Right now I cannot let go of the fact that I would like to be more in touch with him during the week. Monday off is fine since I usually need some space too but I don't like feeling like I don't have a boyfriend for half a week. That's just how I feel at the moment and it looks like I'm not winning this one. I don't want to make him call me and I don't want to be upset by this but I don't have any answers for myself. I'm spending all my weekend time with him, meeting his family, him meeting mine and then I feel no connection between us for half the week.
pink_fortitude
Banned
DH usually tells me that I am acting crazy when in fact... I am acting crazy! lol He typically doesn't make light of my feelings and things that he knows is important to me, but he doesn't hesitate to let me know when I am being irrational about things, either.
I think that you have gotten great advice thus far...
have you tried to see things from his point of view, too? If he really is busy, then I don't see how he could help not being able to call you. It sounds like he really does care about you; and just because something is unimportant to him doesn't mean that YOU are unimportant. If I was convinced that he loves me and has a demanding schedule, I would probably just drop it because I know that I don't want to be the cause of added stress or frustration for my DH. Things don't have to be the way that we always want them to be and love, while perfect, is full of people who are completely imperfect!
Missy
I think that you have gotten great advice thus far...
have you tried to see things from his point of view, too? If he really is busy, then I don't see how he could help not being able to call you. It sounds like he really does care about you; and just because something is unimportant to him doesn't mean that YOU are unimportant. If I was convinced that he loves me and has a demanding schedule, I would probably just drop it because I know that I don't want to be the cause of added stress or frustration for my DH. Things don't have to be the way that we always want them to be and love, while perfect, is full of people who are completely imperfect!
Missy
JeanneMarie
Cathlete
My opinion... anyone that says "all" women are crazy is saying more about himself than he is about the women.
That kind of an attitude is something inside HIM. I can't imagine my SO ever saying such a thing to me.
That kind of an attitude is something inside HIM. I can't imagine my SO ever saying such a thing to me.
LuckeeLaydee
Cathlete
My opinion is some men say a woman, or all women in general, are crazy so they can validate there reasoning to do as they damn well please.
BTW, my husband calls me every day on his lunch hour.
http://www.picturetrail.com/luckeelaydee
Paula
BTW, my husband calls me every day on his lunch hour.
http://www.picturetrail.com/luckeelaydee
Paula