I suppose no one will be so cruel as to say "no" but I'll ask anyway. Three weeks in and this is so hard. How will I ever again accomplish anything besides the most basic baby care? And even that is touch and go--I strongly suspect I am not producing enough milk to feed this kid. She's not even a difficult baby but I find this so hard. And as much as I hate to confess this, I don't feel a powerful maternal instinct. I love her and think she is adorable, but those powerful feelings everyone assured me would hit have not really set it yet. I've even been mourning my old life, envying people without this responsiblity. And it makes me feel so guilty because I know how badly so many people want what came to me so easily. I do pretty well most of the day, but for some reason during the early evening hours I just feel despondent, like I've made a terrible mistake. My DH is really great and he consoles and supports me, but I just feel like I am on thin ice emotionally. This can't be normal, can it? I know that this sounds a lot like PPD, but I am not willing to take anything for it because of bfing. I am just hoping that it is a normal phase that will soon pass. Has anyone experienced this?
Does it get easier?
- Thread starter Monica11
- Start date
Dear Monica,
It does get easier! You are really in the thick of things right now. Your hormones are trying to level out, the healing of delivery, sleep deprivation these are just some of the things going on. Having a little person come into the world and need you for everything can be overwhelming. Motherhood will be the hardest job you will ever encounter. You will have sleepless nights and always worry if what you are doing is the right thing. On the flip side- you will learn the deepest form of love. Go easy on yourself you have just entered a whole new world. Try and rest when the baby naps! Do you have any help at all? You need a support system at this time. Call your ob and tell them how you are feeling.
Mourning your old life does not mean the new one is bad. You are moving into uncharted waters, it can be very scary! I have changed my outlook through the years. I have grown use to the idea I will never accomplish all I would like to do in a day but try to savor what I do. Showers are wonderful things I wish you and your family a very happy holiday. Have faith !
Take care,
Kim
It does get easier! You are really in the thick of things right now. Your hormones are trying to level out, the healing of delivery, sleep deprivation these are just some of the things going on. Having a little person come into the world and need you for everything can be overwhelming. Motherhood will be the hardest job you will ever encounter. You will have sleepless nights and always worry if what you are doing is the right thing. On the flip side- you will learn the deepest form of love. Go easy on yourself you have just entered a whole new world. Try and rest when the baby naps! Do you have any help at all? You need a support system at this time. Call your ob and tell them how you are feeling.
Mourning your old life does not mean the new one is bad. You are moving into uncharted waters, it can be very scary! I have changed my outlook through the years. I have grown use to the idea I will never accomplish all I would like to do in a day but try to savor what I do. Showers are wonderful things I wish you and your family a very happy holiday. Have faith !
Take care,
Kim
melanalyus
Cathlete
Hi Monica! I"m sorry I didn't respond over at postpartum post regards to bfing. Did your dr tell you that baby's typically go through an eating spurt around 3 weeks? This may account for one reason why you feel like you're not producing enough milk. Why are you taking Reglan?
Here's what I have learned about bfing. Resist the urge to supplement with formula. As soon as you formula feed (without expressing breastmilk), you will loose milk production. Your milk is only produced by expression from your baby our a pump. If you feel your milk supply isn't enough (which is rarely the case), (1) make sure you are drinking enough water (2) invest or borrow a good quality breastpump (like Medela double pump) and express milk to increase milk production (3) consult a lactation consultant or Le Leache for support & to ensure baby has correct latch (3) consider fenugreek (an herbal supplement shown to increase milk production.
As far as bonding goes, bfing should promote maternal/baby bonding. If you still feel that you're not bonding, talk to your dr. There are many good antidepressants that are safe to take while breastfeeding.
Monica, you are a great mom...otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned for your little gal. Keep up the good work & happy holidays!!!
**Melanie**
Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"
Here's what I have learned about bfing. Resist the urge to supplement with formula. As soon as you formula feed (without expressing breastmilk), you will loose milk production. Your milk is only produced by expression from your baby our a pump. If you feel your milk supply isn't enough (which is rarely the case), (1) make sure you are drinking enough water (2) invest or borrow a good quality breastpump (like Medela double pump) and express milk to increase milk production (3) consult a lactation consultant or Le Leache for support & to ensure baby has correct latch (3) consider fenugreek (an herbal supplement shown to increase milk production.
As far as bonding goes, bfing should promote maternal/baby bonding. If you still feel that you're not bonding, talk to your dr. There are many good antidepressants that are safe to take while breastfeeding.
Monica, you are a great mom...otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned for your little gal. Keep up the good work & happy holidays!!!
**Melanie**
Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"
MARY1616
Cathlete
I can relate to exactly what you are saying!!!This will get easier. I remember looking at my son and thinking what have I done. I would not tell anyone about my feelings because everyone said how much they feel in love and I was not that overwhelmed with being a mom. I must say that now things are completly different. I have read an article about omega 3 deficincy and ppd. Maybe try a supplment and see if this helps. please keep me posted about how you are doing.
<<Why are you taking Reglan?>>
Reglan is prescribed to increase milk supply.
Monica, you are not abnormal. You are recovering from childbirth. Childbirth! Your body has been through 9 months of caring for your baby and then delivery. You may be physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. Plus, your hormones are wild. You may be experiencing some post-partum blues or depression. It is a recipe for feeling overwhlemed. Yes, it will pass, but I encourage you to talk to your doctor.
About your milk supply, here are some links to reassure you (that is my intent):
Is baby getting enough milk
http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/enough.html
More on growth spurts
"In general, frequent breastfeeding times that last several days are to be expected when your baby is about 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months old."
http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/spurt.html
Take care!
Autumn
Reglan is prescribed to increase milk supply.
Monica, you are not abnormal. You are recovering from childbirth. Childbirth! Your body has been through 9 months of caring for your baby and then delivery. You may be physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. Plus, your hormones are wild. You may be experiencing some post-partum blues or depression. It is a recipe for feeling overwhlemed. Yes, it will pass, but I encourage you to talk to your doctor.
About your milk supply, here are some links to reassure you (that is my intent)
:Is baby getting enough milk
http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/enough.html
More on growth spurts
"In general, frequent breastfeeding times that last several days are to be expected when your baby is about 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months old."
http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/spurt.html
Take care!
Autumn
melanalyus
Cathlete
Thanks Autumn. I did do a Reglan drug search, and found that it is unlabled use for increasing milk supply. I haven't seen it used for this indication in my practice (but obviously that doesn't mean it isn't used)!!! Apparently it's used to increase prolactin levels (a hormone responsible for producing breastmilk). It doesn't work in every women, especially if she already has high prolactin levels. Does this sound consistant with what you have found Autumn?
Monica, LaLeche League is an awesome support!
**Melanie**
Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"
Monica, LaLeche League is an awesome support!
**Melanie**
Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"
Since you mentioned your milk supply, that reminded me of something my cousin told me a while back. Her 16 month old boy had just weaned himself and then she ate some stevia (some kind of herbal sweetener) and her milk came back to the point of engorgement. So she thinks that stevia increases milk supply. Maybe someone can comment on the safety of stevia.
Edited to add: And yes, your feelings not abnormal. I concur with the other comments. Your hormones are in flux and your body has been through MAJOR CHANGES. It should take a couple of months to adjust to all of the changes, but it couldn't hurt in the mean time to talk to someone who can help you- doctor, etc.
Take care!
Edited to add: And yes, your feelings not abnormal. I concur with the other comments. Your hormones are in flux and your body has been through MAJOR CHANGES. It should take a couple of months to adjust to all of the changes, but it couldn't hurt in the mean time to talk to someone who can help you- doctor, etc.
Take care!
Fit_mommy
Cathlete
Monica,
For the first several weeks after my DS was born I was feeling AWFUL and like you, I would do okay during the day but once dinner time came I would fall apart! I was exhausted both mentally and physically to the point where I felt sick to my stomach so eating dinner was a chore and I usually only choked down very little. I cried many an evening myself.
It was sooo tough and I too wondered if I had made a terrible mistake but I haven't! Your life has changed DRASTICALLY! You need to be patient but it WILL improve! Once DS started sleeping longer at night, my mood immediately started to improve. The more sleep uninterrupted sleep I was able to get during the night, the better my mood the next day/evening. I thought I was suffering from some PPD also but looking back, I now think that my issue stemmed from sheer exhaustion!
As far as the bond/love between you and your baby goes, we are all different and even the best moms may take more time to bond then others...don't beat yourself up because you don't think you love your baby enough...just relax and let things happen. You will bond more and more each day and as the whole routine gets easier, you may "uncover" a whole bunch of love that was being clouded by stress and exhaustion, if you know what I mean!
Don't worry too much, hon. Just take one day at a time. You sound pretty normal to me and I'm sure it will all work out in the end!
For the first several weeks after my DS was born I was feeling AWFUL and like you, I would do okay during the day but once dinner time came I would fall apart! I was exhausted both mentally and physically to the point where I felt sick to my stomach so eating dinner was a chore and I usually only choked down very little. I cried many an evening myself.
It was sooo tough and I too wondered if I had made a terrible mistake but I haven't! Your life has changed DRASTICALLY! You need to be patient but it WILL improve! Once DS started sleeping longer at night, my mood immediately started to improve. The more sleep uninterrupted sleep I was able to get during the night, the better my mood the next day/evening. I thought I was suffering from some PPD also but looking back, I now think that my issue stemmed from sheer exhaustion!
As far as the bond/love between you and your baby goes, we are all different and even the best moms may take more time to bond then others...don't beat yourself up because you don't think you love your baby enough...just relax and let things happen. You will bond more and more each day and as the whole routine gets easier, you may "uncover" a whole bunch of love that was being clouded by stress and exhaustion, if you know what I mean!
Don't worry too much, hon. Just take one day at a time. You sound pretty normal to me and I'm sure it will all work out in the end!
First of all, let me thank everyone who responded to this thread. I knew you would make me feel better and reassure me that my feelings were normal. I feel a lot better today. Last night, Maddie selpt well and my DH took care of everything except nursing (of course). I just had to stay in bed and nurse her while he changed her diapers, reswaddled her, etc. He also took her after her 6 am feeding so that I could sleep until 8. It made a huge difference. I feel like a different person. We have decided to alternate nights like this so that he can have uninterrupted sleep every other night and I can have the closest thing to uninterupted sleep possible at this point. I think the lack of sleep made me a little crazy, given how much better I feel today. I sure hope that's all it is...
As for the feeding issue, I'm afraid I am one of those rare women who do have trouble producing milk. Maddie failed to gain a single ounce for two weeks following discharge even though I nursed her every two hours. She cried and cried afterwards, rooting for more. I have been pumping after feedings to increase production, and I usually get less than a half an ounce combined. The Reglan is supposed to increase production, but it hasn't done much. I just started taking Fenugreek in a last ditch effort to up my supply. We have had to suuplement her with up to 4 ounces of formula a day, depending on what I manage to pump. It has helped her gain a little weight and it hasn't interfered with her nursing because I always nurse her before the bottle to make sure she's hungry. So I will continue to nurse her as much as I can so that she gets the benefits of breast milk, even if it;'s not her exclusive diet. THis is very disappointing to me, but I am trying to remain positive about it.
As for the feeding issue, I'm afraid I am one of those rare women who do have trouble producing milk. Maddie failed to gain a single ounce for two weeks following discharge even though I nursed her every two hours. She cried and cried afterwards, rooting for more. I have been pumping after feedings to increase production, and I usually get less than a half an ounce combined. The Reglan is supposed to increase production, but it hasn't done much. I just started taking Fenugreek in a last ditch effort to up my supply. We have had to suuplement her with up to 4 ounces of formula a day, depending on what I manage to pump. It has helped her gain a little weight and it hasn't interfered with her nursing because I always nurse her before the bottle to make sure she's hungry. So I will continue to nurse her as much as I can so that she gets the benefits of breast milk, even if it;'s not her exclusive diet. THis is very disappointing to me, but I am trying to remain positive about it.
Hi Monica!
I feel totally out of place here, as I have no kids, but I accidentally clicked on this forum and read your post. Just wanted to let you know that my sis went through the exact same thing with her first baby, my nephew: no strong feelings really, serious trouble breastfeeding (and let me tell you, there were unkind people who made her feel guilty for that, jerks!) etc. She even said to me one time, "This was a huge mistake. I shouldn't have had a baby." Thank god her DH and the rest of the family was around to help. Anyway, long story short, it took time but she did get into the swing of it. She's a great mom, she and my nephew are tremendously close and everything is a-ok.
HTH!
Sparrow
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
I feel totally out of place here, as I have no kids, but I accidentally clicked on this forum and read your post. Just wanted to let you know that my sis went through the exact same thing with her first baby, my nephew: no strong feelings really, serious trouble breastfeeding (and let me tell you, there were unkind people who made her feel guilty for that, jerks!) etc. She even said to me one time, "This was a huge mistake. I shouldn't have had a baby." Thank god her DH and the rest of the family was around to help. Anyway, long story short, it took time but she did get into the swing of it. She's a great mom, she and my nephew are tremendously close and everything is a-ok.
HTH!
Sparrow
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
MSJ
Cathlete
I remember a midwife telling me that post partum hormones and depression peak at 3 days, 3 weeks, and 3 months post partum. I don't know how true this is universally, but I was always on the "lookout" so to speak after learning this and I found I did have more difficulty coping at those times.
I had a hard time bonding with my 3rd child. It did not hit me like the first 2. It was more gradual, but it happened eventually. Anyway, I would not worry about it.
As far as breastfeeding is concerned, I am a strong advocate of breastfeeding, because I think it is best for the baby, HOWEVER--It is NOT the moral issue that some people make it out to be. Please do not feel guilty if you just can't do it. Your child will turn out just fine with formula. Breastmilk may be best, but there are many, many factors that determine how a child will turn out and in the scope of things, breastfeeding is a pretty small one.
I could not breastfeed our 4th child because he was unable to suck (down syndrome issues). I pumped my milk and supplemented with formula. I ended up bonding with him just fine.
Anyway, don't worry. You are doing great. I hope you can find some other moms to talk to in "real life" so you won't feel like you are the only one having a hard time.
take care
Maggie
I had a hard time bonding with my 3rd child. It did not hit me like the first 2. It was more gradual, but it happened eventually. Anyway, I would not worry about it.
As far as breastfeeding is concerned, I am a strong advocate of breastfeeding, because I think it is best for the baby, HOWEVER--It is NOT the moral issue that some people make it out to be. Please do not feel guilty if you just can't do it. Your child will turn out just fine with formula. Breastmilk may be best, but there are many, many factors that determine how a child will turn out and in the scope of things, breastfeeding is a pretty small one.
I could not breastfeed our 4th child because he was unable to suck (down syndrome issues). I pumped my milk and supplemented with formula. I ended up bonding with him just fine.
Anyway, don't worry. You are doing great. I hope you can find some other moms to talk to in "real life" so you won't feel like you are the only one having a hard time.
take care
Maggie