Does delaying parenthood, affect the kids?

C

claridge

Cathlete
Im just asking out of interest and curiosity how many of you were born to "older" parents, and what you think about woman "NOW" having a child/children 55years plus - be it by medical intervention or not!

My mother was 43years old when she had me, and my dad 48years old. I wasnt a "surprise" child or a "pre-menapause" child by any means, as my brother was born two years before me, and my sister 18 months before him.
Both my parents married late in life - so this having a "late" family was oviously going to happen.

I loved/do love my parents dearly (unfortunatly my Dad has passed away now), but I do remember having the oldest parents amongest my school friends - which was sometimes embarrising - and I remember how over protective and cautious they were. I never relised how much having children late in life effected them finouncially until I was a teenager, and Dad had retired. Suddenly, all extra monies were curbed - and thats "hard" for a teenager to accept. Also the energy level wasnt there, but I think my brother suffered more with the "loss" of Dads energy than us girls did, because he wanted to go out and play sport with Dad.

The saddest thing with Dad being older, was the fact he unfortunatly died before he saw 3 of his beautiful grandchildren.

These may sound like "trivial" things now, and maybe I even sound a little "ungrateful" because my parents did give me, LOTS OF LOVE AND SUPPORT", but Im really hoping my children DO NOT leave parenthood too late in their lives. It doesnt seem to be an "easy" road to take.

Can anyone here relate to this and what are your thaughts on 'LATE PARENTHOOD"?

P.S. JUST TO CLARIFY - I FULLY SUPPORT ANY ONES RIGHT TO A FAMILY WHAT EVERY AGE - BUT WHEN IS 'TOO OLD......... TOO OLD?"




:)
 
I think that there is such a thing as being a parent "too late," though 40's isn't it. When men (women can't!) in their 80's like Tony Randall and Jerry Lewis (he's that old, isn't he?) are fathers of very young children, I think it is a very selfish thing for them to do. There is no way that their children won't be fatherless by the time they are in their early teens.

My mother was 35 and my father 45 when I was born. I remember when a friend (well, more of an acquaintance) said that she thought my dad was my grandfather. He died 15 years ago, in his early 70's, and thought it was tough, I was already an adult. I think I would have had a much rougher time of it had he been older and thus died earlier. A student of mine, 18, just lost her father, who was in his 50's when he became a father.

I do think that today people are more accepting of older parents, and we might not have gotten the "is that your grandpa" remark.
 
My wife and were 30 when we had twins.

A friend had her son when she was 43.

There's something to be said about being able to finacially provide for your children. There's also something to be said about being young enough to be there for them. Some parents are just chauffers, driving the children from one activity to the next.

One concern that needs to be discussed with the MDs, there is a higher probability of Downs Syndrome and Spina Bifada with a more advanced age in the mother.

Reflecting on a recent visit to the local high school, I think the older parent philosophy is better. Seeing pregnant high schoolers troubles me.

Dave
 
I agree with last posters on the fact of elderly men having babies, it's sad because they aren't going to see their children grow up.

Claridge, it sounds like you had a wonderful family.

My mother was 17 when she had me, my dad was 23. I am now 32. Of course life was stressful because the money was tight, and my dad was immature, but my mother was an excellent mother to me and my younger sister. I am amazed at how much maturity she had when she was so young. She stayed home with us until I was 10. Having children young has it's advantages. My mom is turning 50 this Saturday. My dad is 55. They have basically had the house to themselves for about 9 years now. They go on vacation all the time, my dad is retired already. My mother is a medical transcriptionist for a large hospital and works from home. They enjoy their grandkids immensely and will for a long time to come. They have a great life and are very active. They ride their bikes together everyday for 8 miles. My mother is a runner too.

But, I would never encourage teenage pregnancy. No Way!!! They survived but barely. I had my first baby when I was 28, my second at 30.

I think people are living longer and longer, so if a 40 year old wants to have a baby, why not?? It happens all the time.

Lori:)
 
I don't know if this is the same thing but my mom was 27 when she had me (not old I know) but my dad was 47 (They were 20 years apart). He had been married 4 previous times and had 4 children (3 pretty much grown) when he married my mom. The down side for me was that my dad died when I was 13 years old. So I never really got to know him that well and he never got to see me graduate from college or get married. That was hard. Just wanted to share my experience.

Kimbra
 
If you are wrapped in love and raised in a secure environment, does it matter that your parents are older than anyone else's in the class? After all, young parents can be energetic but not love their kids, and no matter what age your parents, you can still be embarrassed by them when a school kid, for whatever reason, you'll find one!

Clare
 
I had young parents and it was great. I'm also a young parent myself and I love it. When my son was younger, I practiced football with him and we all used to go out and play basketball together. I remember one friend in school whose parents were older and they very strict with her. She loved them of course, but there were so many things they would not let her do, and she had a very early curfew that kept her from going places with her friends.

I agree that everyone has a right to have a family anytime they feel they are ready. It is their decision to make and no one elses.
 
Age does not matter as long as your parents love and nurture you. My parents married young and unfortunately my father left us when I was a young teenager. He didn't want to be tied down by a family anymore. We haven't seen him in about twenty-five years. My mother worked hard trying to support my younger sisters and me. So, IMO, having a young parent does not necessarily mean you're better off. I would gladly take a wonderful older father over a young irresponsible one any day.

Also, I had my son in my late thirties. We have a loving and secure home and I know both my husband and I will be terrific parents, no matter how old we get.

Charl
 
I'm not going to argue this because it's everyone's right to have children whenever they want. My view is it's pretty selfish to have kids wayyyy late in late. Fifty five plus is too late in my view. At that age and beyond it increases the likelihood of the kids never knowing their grandparents for one thing. And grandparents are an often overlooked aspect of children's lives. And the obvious, at that age and beyond you are less likely to be able to get out there and do all of the physical stuff that's often required/needed of parents by their children.
T. :)
 
My mom was 40 and my father 50 when I was born. I was a product of a second marriage- my siblings are 10, 13, 15 and 17 years older than me.

I often felt embarassed growing up because friends thought my parents were grandparents. At that time most of my friends had young parents, things are much different now. Both of my parents have passed away. I was 20 when my mom died and 25 when my dad died. My mom never knew her grandchildren (none of my siblings had kids) and my father died when my daughter was an infant.

My situation is reversed now. My husband and I were both 25 when our oldest was born. I am almost always the youngest parent at my kids functions (they're 10 and 8 now). My son commented recently that I was the youngest mom of all his friends- apparently they were discussing this at recess.

I had a wonderful childhood- I'm not complaining. I wish my parents were around to enjoy my kids, and I'm hopeful that I'll be around long enough to enjoy my grandchildren. That seems to be the biggest negative in delaying parenthood, but of course there's no guarantee how long anyone will live.
 
I'd have to vote that early forties is the latest to have kids. My mom had seven children and her last one when she was 41.

Having children that late certainly took it's toll on her, on the family, on the baby.

I think that it is pretty selfish to have kids like that 55 year old woman did with in-vitro. I appreciate her wanting to give birth but I don't think that it is fair to the kidsto wait that long. I'mm glad she was in great shape but still, she is only 10 years away from retirement. She will not live to see her own grandchildren.

If you want to have children that badly,think of all the hundreds of thousands of older children in foster care that could benefit from someone willing to care for them.

Every case is unique and different but I can't help thinking how all those foster kids feel when they watch t.v. and see stories like this.

Danna
 
I don't know if this is the same thing really, but from the point of view of a growing up child...I was raised, from the day I was born, by my Grandparents. Although I occasionally went to stay with Mom or Dad when I got older, I never stayed long.

I had a wonderful life & still thank God every day that it was my Nanny & Grandaddy who raised me.

The down side is that I lost Grandaddy when I was in the 7th grade. It was horrible & affected me deeply. It changed who I was as these types of things do. On the other hand, my Dad died when he was way younger than Grandaddy when he died. So, you just never know. There are no guarantees either way.

I don't remember ever feeling that I was "different" because my parents were a generation older than my friends' parents. I don't remember anyone ever saying anything about it either. It was normal to me so it was normal to them I guess.

My DH was born when his Mom was in her late 40's & Dad was early 50's. They both lived long enough to completely share in his adult life. Dad is gone now, but Mom is still kicking!

Ruth:)
 
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