Divorce / Pity Party

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btb

Cathlete
I've been technically married for over 21 years but going through a divorce for the past several. It's been hell, the ups and downs - we are still pretty good friends except when we discuss settlement. I've been dating someone for about a year that is the most wonderful man but he is fed up that the divorce has taken so long for obvious reasons, but also because I sometimes get so upset when I talk to my ex. My boyfriend has really been extremely patient but all of a sudden his patience has run out. We normally see each other every day but I haven’t seen him now in ten days. This started because I spoke with him after talking to my ex last week and was fit to be tied (again), he said he can't stand to see me that way all the time and that this will never end, that my ex doesn't want a divorce and that he upsets me for kicks. (Sick but true). Anyway, we really have been making progress but he didn't believe it and I've refrained from telling him just how much because I thought I'd surprise him. Well, today we finally signed the divorce papers. YEAH!!! I go before the judge next week. I haven't mentioned it to my boyfriend because my plan the past month (if it happened) was to wrap up the decree and give it to him on Valentines Day. I can't tell anyone because it will get back to him and I wanted to surprise him. So here I sit feeling sorry for myself because I've looked forward to this day for years and I'm all alone. Now I find myself getting a little angry because he hasn't believed me lately when I say I'm making progress, yet my rational side says I'm not being fair. I just want to cry!
 
While I understand your intentions you should try to put yourself in your boyfriend's position. He obviously cares about you a great deal and wants to be with you. Also, it probably frustrates him terribly that this other man(your ex) hurts you and there is nothing he can do about it. I would let him know the situation now and call it an early Valentine's Day. Why risk damaging a good, positive relationship because it's not February 14th? JMO.

Good Luck! :)
 
JK,

Ten days is a long time not to talk with you.

I would invite him over, and tell him right away. Then get a feel for his reaction. If it's a good reaction, take him out to a romantic dinner.

Make plans together to do something very special on Valentine's day.

Have fun, and be sure to get back with us.

Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
 
I'm with Jennifer 100%!! You and your boyfriend are hurting over this, why let the calendar dictate? The time to stop both of you hurting and moving on with this, long awaited, new chapter is now!!

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
I talk to him, I talk to him at least ten times a day - everyday, I just haven't seen him in ten days. He lives 200 miles away, but even so we've managed to spend almost every day together (we can work from anywhere) the last six months.

I guess my surprise isn't worth the wait.
 
i understand your point and his. maybe you should tell him sooner and get a romantic gift for valentines day. it may seem like only a few days, but i think you can make them happier days.

divorce sucks. bottom line. dont let the ex ruin one more minute of your life.

suri
 
I just want to thank all who replied (and gave a hug). It's hard not being able to talk to anyone and I need advice. I did call my best friend of 30 years who lives thousands of miles away - she told me to wait, that it would make a very special V Day to be remembered forever.... I’m not sure what I'm going to do.
 
I don't mean to tell you what to do, as your situation is complicated and hopefully you will work it out to the good for both yourself and your boyfriend.
I do want to say that I personally would be pretty angry if I found out that someone I cared about and who I thought cared about me had info that might help me to get out of emotional pain, but that they witheld it for days because of a holiday surprise. Not everyone is like me, I know. But for me, your boyfriend is hurting and discussing your news could have the power to ease his mind.
Just my 2cents.
--Laura
 
Laura, Please don't aplolgize, I appreciate your advice - I'm leaning toward telling him. Thank you for your input!
 
>I don't mean to tell you what to do, as your situation is
>complicated and hopefully you will work it out to the good for
>both yourself and your boyfriend.
>I do want to say that I personally would be pretty angry if I
>found out that someone I cared about and who I thought cared
>about me had info that might help me to get out of emotional
>pain, but that they witheld it for days because of a holiday
>surprise. Not everyone is like me, I know. But for me, your
>boyfriend is hurting and discussing your news could have the
>power to ease his mind.
>Just my 2cents.
>--Laura


I agree. The "wonderful" Valentine Day's surprise could really backfire and become the worst Valentine's Day ever. So be prepared for that....
 
I'm a firm believer that with something this important, don't wait. Life is too short. Grab any opportunity that may bring you closer to what it is you want sooner rather than later.

Please let us know how it goes...I hope you finally get the happiness you want and deserve!
 
IA with everyone else ..

why wait .. make it an EARLY Valentine's present .. life is short .. celebrate now .. why make yourself miserable by not being able to share this now .. and he is miserable not knowing it is a done deal!

this way on Valentines day .. you can skip straight to the fun stuff!!}( }(
 
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