DEPRESSION/FRIENDS

[firmscorpio]

I've been in a really bad depression the last six months.The one thing that gets me down is that my friends live in different states.I don't have friends that live with around me.I do pretty much everything by myself.I miss hanging out with friends and talking on the phone all the time.I have family that i'm close to.But,it's not the same.I get so bummed when i see commercial when girlfriends are hanging out,having lunch,shopping etc.It's usually a bunch of them or just one friend.I get so lonely and bored.I'm in a phase in my life that I have so many regrets and severe depression.I've been in a relationship for 17 years and it's been more of hell then happiness.DF has been sick for the last four months.So,I've been on a emotional roller coaster.

I just wish I had at least one friend that I could hang out with.I know I have to make some choices and try something different in my life to meet people.I just wish my friends live closer.I'm posting this because it's nice to cyber friends that maybe are going through the same thing.Thanks for listening.

 

[endorphin_junkie]

Hey Firmscorpio: I hear you and I wish you were happier!

In the past 8 years I have lived (with my 3 kids) in 4 different cities and left too many friends behind. With that many moves it's hard to stay in touch with people (thank goodness for e-mail ). I have been in this city for 10 months and plan to stay hear until I retire (whatever... like any plan I ever had mattered;-) ), . I haven't met anyone that I 'click' with yet. I'm craving a spontaneous night out with a friend to have dinner and a few drinks on a restaurant patio but have no-one local to call. I meet wonderful people through my massage practise but will always keep those relationships on a professional basis. I've met a lot of nice people at the gym where I teach classes but everyone (including me) is usually on the go (although I did have a coffee with 2 ladies after my Saturday a.m. class last week which was fun and interesting). Getting established socially can be a pretty slow go and it takes me a good 2 or 3 years to feel planted in a new city. If your DF is sick (I've also experienced this) then your life becomes exponentially more complicated and insular and you need friends more but are so involved in your home life that you rarely have opportunities to meet people, that's a big dilemma. I wish I could say something to make it just a little bit better. Be patient with the slow build and take good care of yourself. Don't for a minute forget how much the friends you have love you, miss you and value your friendship. Somewhere on your path is a person with whom you will 'click' you just gotta keep moving forward to meet them. Better days are coming soon and in the meantime, if you can, pick up the phone a bit more often to talk to your long distance friends, those conversations will be food for your soul and perhaps the pick up that you sound like you need

Take Care
Laurie

 

[ShyWolf]

I've been down this road many times.It hurts and the depression gets to you but beat it. My hubby is active duty military and I have left behind many good friends or have been left behind when they had to move. It's rough but it does get better. Just focus on some things that you enjoy doing that you can do alone. Keep in contact with your friends but remember the next person next to you can always be a potential new friend.
Having internet buddies is good too but don't get so involved in it that you don't have local friends to hang with too.
Hugs to you and good luck.

 

[jordan]

Hi firmscorpio,

I can empathize with you. The last time we moved it was very hard to establish a social base. Many women my age have so many obligations and little free time. Think about something that interests you and how you could use your interest to interact in a social situation. Take a class, volunteer or join a club. If you work, invite someone for a refreshment or if time permits, there are free/low cost events in some communities. Take the time to get to know the people that you interact with but interact. While you are getting to know people, touch base with your long distance relationships. They are still a good source of support.

Wishing you the best and I hope you feel better soon. Mostly, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

 

[cab54]

firmscorpio--

Hey, are you the firmscorpio who used to be on the old Firm foruma dn pump us all up all the time?
If so----You were such an inspiration to me to get motivated at that time! I wish I could think of some profound words of wisdom to help you the way you helped me. (assuming you are the person I'm thinking of---and even if you aren't!! ;-) )

I was reading about your parents breakup after many years (other thread) and how it sent you into a spiral of depression and also the DF things going on. NOW I know what happened to you--seemed like you just disappeared! I'm so sorry. I realize (somewhat) how a thing like that throws your life into a deep well. I had a bit different experience--mine weren't married that long (15 years) but I was almost 13 yrs old and I don't think my life or security or feelings were ever the same. I cannot imagine it when it happens after that many years.

I have never been very good at making friends. I just don't understand this new idea of 'maintaining friendships'. However, I have 3 sisters and am so blessed because they do live rather close and we have all had the same experiences and upbringing and I think I hold up all other female friends up and compare them with my sis's and there's no comparison.

But, as many have said on this thread, cyber-friends often make me feel at home. We are always here. There is no running to a restaurant or making play dates to 'maintain' the relationship. I like that! We can sit here in our underwear or ratty hair and robe and be there for each other. That's nice.

I sincerely hope you can get back into the exercise routine. As you well, know, it changes one's whole outlook on life. Take small steps. Be kind to yourself . It may 'grow back' on you and you'll wonder what you ever did without it. It's a contribution to YOU.

 

[klwgriffin]

Hi Firmscorpio,

I'm in the same boat as far as having NOBODY to hang out with. I recently found http://www.meetin.org/city/MEETinTAMPABAY/index.cfm?Group=MEETinTAMPABAY&Rem=2 (if that doesn't work, try www.meetin.org and go from there). Of course, you'd probably want to change the city unless you're in Tampa - that's over on the left side of the page.

I don't know where you live - Some of the larger cities are well-established and have get-togethers all the time. When I first found this, there was nothing going on with the Tampa group, but it seems to be picking up (actually it was confusing 'cause they would list get-togethers from other cities, I suppose to show us how much fun we could be having?). They just had their first get-together here and are in the process of planning a couple more. Since I missed the first one, I can't say anything for sure, but they look like and seem to be very normal people. Obviously, any time you're meeting people through the internet, you have to be careful of predators, but I'll assume you're an adult with common sense and leave that to you. I personally wouldn't meet any of them alone for the first time, but a group in a public place seems ok.

I also read the local free "what's going on around town" type paper - I think every city has at least one (usually available in places like Starbucks). I found an ad for a group called "Hash House Harriers". They have groups all over the country (probably outside the country too). They describe themselves as a drinking club with a running problem. Basically, it's something active followed by something social. Unfortunately for me, I'm NOT a runner at all, and I'm not much of a drinker anymore either. They do seem to have non-running parties, but I still havne't decided about this one. I don't know the website off-hand, but google it if you're interested, and search by city.

Other than that, I've been thinking about a smaller gym or yoga classes, but I haven't done that yet either. In the meantime, these boards sure do help. I hope it's ok to post this here, but I'll assume a moderator will remove it if it's not. I also hang out at videofitness.com (http://forum.videofitness.com/) and YaYa's (which I think started as people interested in "The Firm", but it's expanded way beyond that now). Their address is http://p199.ezboard.com/bfirmbelivers but I think you have to sign up even just to lurk there. I never posted anything anywhere until we relocated, but it's been a lifesaver. I'd say it gives the illusion of having friends, but I'm not sure it's any less valid than some of the face-to-face friends I've had. I'm not sure about YaYa's, but there are people at videofitness.com who get together sometimes (some large formal outings to a fitnss event, but other people just get together in their home towns). Good luck! Lots of us relocate these days, so you're not as alone as you feel

 

[firmscorpio]

Cab54,Yes I am the same firmscorpio from the old forum.I just recently started a new challenge on the "V" site.I've been going through alot the last two 1/2 years.I did disappear for awhile.I want to thank you all of you ladies who have responded.It means alot to me.I'm in the process of painting my workout room.Giving it a new look.I can't wait till it's all done.That will make me feel better.Life is so hard at time.It doesn't get easier as you get older.Thanks again for listen.