Depressed My Boyfriend and I are Breaking up!!!

[monkey15401]

What do you guys think maybe I shouldn't be asking this but here I go
Well my boyfriends daughter hates me and my children but we were close until her sister got a divorce from her husband and moved in with her and her mother which her sister is not my boyfriends child and she just change so quick now she hates us she told my boyfriend that as long as he is with us she don't want to see him so you know its his daughter and I can't come between them we have been fighting over all of this he really does't want me to leave but he knows that there is know no other way to solve this she wrote horrible things about me and my children on the net I just can't deal with this. I feel so sad about this me and my children been through alot in our lives with thier dad and I just can't put them through anymore pain. My bfriend and I have been together for 4yrs My children are not talking to him cause he blames them for his daughter being mad but they did not do anything to her but he just don't believe us I try to explain to him about her sister moving in but he just don't care. His daughter is 12yr almost 13 soon I have always treated her good it hurts me for her to be this way I think maybe she wants her mom and dad to get back together they were never married and been back and forth with each other since she was born.And he has been dating other woman before he got with me.
If anyone could give any advice please do I am so depressed Sorry for for rambling just need to get it out I guess!!!
Teresa

 

[acatalina]

Well 4 years and no proposal tells me something.
If you guys can't all sit down together and settle the feelings and problems it will never last.
I as a mom , my kid comes 1st.I would die for her.
You are dealing with the teeeeeen age attitude. Sounds like she has a big chip on her shoulder.
When you are having a relationship with children involved it is hard. Try sitting down and talking to his daughter,then him. If he really loves you he will find a way to make it work.
If she rules him, she is a spoiled brat and no one is going to change her but him. She may aslso be jealous of his affection towards you.
Good luck.
TAlk, Talk Talk.
This is all i can tell you.
If he is the right one for you it will work out.
Anne
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&gid=8227804&uid=3969941

 

[milagrosepul]

Hi Teresa, first off don't apologize for rambling, that's what we are here for.

I don't have children myself but I am with someone who has a child from a previous relationship and it is difficult. I've also had my parents divorce and my father re-marry and that was and still is one of the hardest things I've had to learn to live with.
As far as your boyfriend goes I would say it is a bit immature of him to blame you children for what is happening with his daughter. I would do my best not to allow that to happen. As you said you and your children have been through enough. Also, at a certain point he must realize that he is a father not a punching bag for his 13 year old daughter. He will have to make her understand the situation clearly (she is old enough to understand) and explain to her that he has to move on with his life and her acting this way will only destroy their relationship. She will understand eventually but until then he will have to take a stronger role in the sitatuion and not back down and blame others. Especially NOT you and your children.

 

[LisaMarie]

Unfortunately, I don't have any magic advice, but I absolutely feel for what you're going through. After a 4 year relationship, it looks like my SO and I are headed the same way because he can't make a commitment to me. Luckily, there are no children involved in my situation.

Hugs to you!!

lisa

 

[lov2bfit]

Okay, here is just my two cents... I agree that your children come first. My daughter comes before anything. I also think however that it is rediculous for your boyfriend to allow his daughter to behave this way with him. I mean, who is the parent and who is the kid? If you ask me, HE needs to sit down with his daughter and have a heart to heart to find out exactly what is going on. If he loves you he will find a way to make his daughter understand. I agree that talking is the only way. You talk to him, let him talk to his daugther and then if that goes well maybe you could talk to his daughter. If he however is just going to let her attitude (as someone already mentioned, she IS a teenager and they tend to be out of line) and not respect you or your feelings then I'm sorry to say, maybe it's time to move on.

I hope that does not come off as cold. I don't mean it that way. I understand how difficult it is to be in love and have so many problems. But, as you yourself said, you don't want to put you kids through any more pain. You have to do what is best for you and for them. Hopefully though, he will come to his senses and do what is right. My guess would be that his daughters issues really don't have anything to do with you or your kids.

Good luck!!!

Katie

 

[red_mct]

Well, I might be in the minority, but I personally think that kids have a right to have a say in the relationships they are expected to live with. I have two boys and my SO has one son (who is much older), and we have always said that if any of the kids had serious issues with us being together as a family then we would respect that and put their feelings first, even if that meant ending our relationship. This doesn't mean I would allow them to manipulate me, but we have a definite open-door policy for talking through what they think and feel. I grew up in a family where my parents put themselves first emotionally and otherwise and, as a result, ended up spending many years working really hard to understand that I actually have personal power. When you are shown repeatedly that you are powerless, that is a difficult lesson to overcome.

At any rate, I think no matter what happens, your children need to be crystal clear on the fact that the relationship ending was not their fault. Frankly, the guy sounds pretty immature to me so perhaps this is for the best, as emotionally painful as it may be for you. If he couldn't commit to his daughter's mother and he can't commit to you, don't you think that says something about him?

I'm sorry for your pain. I hope it works out for all of you.

Marie