Cry it Out?????

Dawncharlie

Dawncharlie

Cathlete
Hi ladies,

My baby is about 3.5 months old, and I'm having trouble getting her to bed in the evenings. We have a routine--no napping after 6 pm, bath, diaper/clothes change, read, feed, rock, into crib. I swear she is asleep in my arms when I put her in the crib, but the moment I lower her into the crib, she cries and cries (it takes her about 15 minutes to cry it out before she falls to sleep). I've tried to put her down just drowsy, and she cries the minute I put her down. My husband laughs and says the baby has tricked us into holding her all the time (if she's in her swing and crying, she'll stop if one of us moves to pick her up. if we sit back down, she starts crying again).

Reality check please. I used to rock her literally for hours, with crying every time she fell asleep and I put her in the crib. I was becoming physically and mentally exhausted and just cannot keep up the rocking-and-feeding-from-8-pm-to-1-am schedule. I'm trying to make the crib a happy place, but I can't seem to get away from her crying a bit every night (it's down to about 15 minutes). Do others have this issue, too? Is cry-it-out cruel and unusual? Or is it something she needs to learn?

Thanks for your thoughts.
Dawn
 
I have missed you! I think this is one of those things where people feel one way or another, and each person is right. It comes down to your own threshold. I am not a fan of crying it out, it never worked for us. One day, my son just stopped wanting to be held and rocked and just grew out of his "neediness." I did try every thing in every book, but my heart broke whenever he had to cry. He was just a tender little soul and I was a tired momma. I remember the night he grew out of it. It was around 6 months. He would cry when I rocked him and I could not figure it out and I placed him in the crib because I was frustrated. He got quiet, played and went to sleep. And that was the end of the rocking. I have friends who find crying it out to work well, they wear ear plugs, blow dry their hair, whatever works for them. My problem was knowing that he needed me. Now, saying that, a tired parent needs a break too. So, feel free to email me personally and I can give you more insight. I have my second one now, and he is the same way. I guess i resign to knowing that they grow out of it, I have seen it! I know you are dong a great job and want to give your baby all teh love you can, and do things right. Everyone has an opinion on what to do. You marinated that little one for almost a year, I bet your intuition is spot on! :)
 
Hi Christine. Thanks so much! Last night, I broke down and picked her up out of the crib after she cried for about 15 minutes. I guess I can always take comfort in the fact that she wants me to hold her. I'll be able to get a good night's sleep eventually! Happy new year wishes to you and John and family!
 
Dawn-HI! I wish I had words of wisdom for you. My first dd, Haley, was the same way. I couldnt put her down or she would cry...and cry for hours! We tried everything. I am not one to let a baby cry it out either...especially so young. I know the exhaustion you must be feeling!!! Hang in there..it does get better!
 
I agree with the other ladies, I am not a fan of crying it out. I know that James needs me whether it is for comfort or for food so I will give it to him as long as I can. I won't be holding him and comforting him forever so I try to count my blessings while I can. I agree with Christine that each mommy has her own opinion and what works best for them and their little one. I don't have any techniques or advice for you but I want to give you big hugs!
 
I read an article that says you cannot "spoil" a baby this young and that when he/she needs us (crying etc) that it is best to comfort rather than "cry it out". When a baby reaches about 6 months is when they know how to "push our buttons".
 
Well I'm actually a big fan of a version of CIO. I could never sit and listen to them cry, either. We set boundaries. They have changed at different stages for DS (he's 18mos now). But for me, CIO helps them learn to get themselves settled and back to sleep on their own.

3.5mos is pretty young to go all out with it, though. I would start a version of it. Set a boundary for what you can tolerate for letting her cry. 10 minutes? Go through your normal routine and put her down. When she cries, let her go for whatever you set that limit for. Then go in and soothe her, but only for a minute or two. I would not suggest rocking her to sleep or for several minutes at a time. She's too little to understand that she can "manipulate the system", but she does associate certain actions with others. Sounds like right now, rocking = sleep and mommy, bed = no sleep and mommy. You just need to work on a new association for her.

Whatever you decide will be right for your family. Don't let others make you feel bad for going one way or another. Remember, you're a better mommy when you're rested and calm, too.

One of my favorite websites for stuff like this is www.mamasource.com. It's a forum of thousands of other moms where you can post questions just like this, or just review what others have gone through in past postings. It's saved my life on more than one occasion.
 
Thanks everyone. I don't want her to cry at night. I'm just wondering if I've done something wrong because she wakes up and cries the minute she hits the crib. Last night, we went through four rounds of this before she finally fell asleep. Still, that's an improvement.

Have a great day everyone!
Dawn
 
Hi Dawn,
I just wanted to add that my daughter was the exact same way and sometimes we could fool her by putting a thin blanket that I had slept with the night before (that great mommy smell :)) under the crib sheet. And at the same time, DH would warm up the bean sack in the microwave and put in the place where we were going to put DD down for the night. The smell and the warmth helped to lull her as opposed to the cool "shock" of the sheets and the move from no movement to movement. Also, instead of rocking, which was such a recognizable and repetitive motion for her, we walked her around a dim house. It seemed like the switch from the more irregular movements of walking (in a sling usually) either got her into deeper sleep faster or were less of a switch.
Having said all that, some nights she pretty much slept on my chest, so it didn't work out perfectly, but you just have to find what works for you. I never had the nerves for CIO of any kind and just assumed that at age, if she cried then she needed something.
Good luck and enjoy your wee one!
Mattea
 
Have you ever tried thebabywhisperer.com? They have a pick-up/put-down method that worked really well for my dd. I'm not a fan of CIO either and this worked great for us - but my dd was older - probably closer to 6 months old. 3 1/2 months is still very young.

Good luck! It's so hard when babies won't sleep!!! We used to have the same problem with our kids waking up as soon as we put them down. It was almost funny. Not funny at all, but almost. :rolleyes:

Erica
 
Thanks. I'll look into the baby whisperer.

Last night, I tried something new based on Mattea's warm crib tip. About 45 minutes before her bedtime, I put an adult heating blanket turned on high over her crib mattress. I removed it after our bedtime routine and rocking (actually my baby prefers the standing sway :) ). Removing the heating blanket completely from the crib, left the crib mattress nice and warm. Morgan still fussed for a few minutes after she realized I left the room, but then she went to sleep. She was completely out by about 8:30. It was lovely. :) My DH goes to bed early and I sat in the living room with the dogs. It was weird to suddenly have free time. I didn't know what to do with myself! :)

Have a great day!
 
Dawn that is great!! Did she sleep all night? Kara is getting up at least once these days..sometimes 2 times.
Kara also prefers "standing rocking"!
 
Hi Susan! I don't want to rub it in to anyone, but Morgan has been sleeping about 9 hours a night since she was 10 weeks old. :) In fact, I wake up before her desperate to feed her and sometimes either pump just a little waiting for her or wake her up gently. After being awake about an hour, she goes back to sleep for a good 2-3 hours (giving me time to exercise). Then she is up most of the day until around 2 pm for a 30-minute nap.

Now, I'm sure this schedule will change. It seems just when I think I learn her schedule, she grows and changes. We start day care in a few weeks, so things are sure to change.

Have a great day, all,
Dawn

P.S. Glad to hear Kara is doing well. As I stand and rock, I'm trying to twist a bit and get some oblique work in. I'm not exercising like I used to so I figure this is something. :)
 
Dawn- I am so thrilled to hear that it worked! Nothing is better than finding a solution that does not make you cry too! Hooray!
 
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