Breastfeeding isn't working out

wendybdh

wendybdh

Cathlete
I went to the classes when I was pregnant and had all intentions of breastfeeding until my baby was a year.

Now she's here and I'm trying to stick it out and I just hate it. My breasts are still sore. I've talked to two different lactation consultants but nothing seems to help. I walk from my shower to get a towel and I have to cover my breasts with my hands since they are SOOO sensitive-even to air. I was pumping but I tried nursing her again and she nurses for over an hour and it still is very uncomfortable. I don't feel that "bonding" with her. Instead, I find myself getting really frustrated with not only myself but with her. I just think I would be happier if I didn't have the stress of trying to breastfeed her but I know it is so much better for her. My DH told me to do what I want but I feel selfish that I won't stick it out because I know it's best for Brooke. Besides, I go back to work in a few weeks.

Am I being selfish if I stop nursing her?

Please help.
 
Wendy, you're not being selfish at all. You said that you hate it, that you get frustrated with yourself and your baby, you've tried lactation consultants unsuccessfully, etc. If you think that you and Brooke would be better off without breastfeeding, then I think you should stop. You're not doing yourself or Brooke any good by doing something that you hate and makes you miserable and stressed.

If you're concerned about breastmilk being better for her, have you considered pumping and giving her bottles of breastmilk instead? You could do that - even if it's only one bottle a day, she would still be getting some of the benefits of breastmilk. You wrote that you were doing that before.

I'm sorry that you've had such a tough time!

Erica
 
Sorry you're having such a hard time...

It took me about 6 weeks before I really felt comfortable breastfeeding and wanted to quit the whole time, but I am SOOOO glad I didn't stop.

Any breast milk is better than none at all...you've given you're daughter a great start and should not feel guilty if you feel you need to stop.

If you want to keep trying, do!!! It will get better and easier, I promise, but don't feel guilty if you don't!!
 
I think you've done a great job and stuck it out for a long time. It's not supposed to be unpleasant, so I agree with Erica. It's not selfish to stop. Why don't you see how the baby reacts to a bottle of formula, see how she likes it and take it from there?
I'm starting to try to get DS to like formula, just so I can have the flexibility to work it in here and there. But he still just BARELY likes bottles, so I don't want to push it.

And maybe it wouldn't be too hard to pump once a day or so to give the baby one breastmilk feeding, so maybe you could do that too- I've heard that even one feeding per day can boost their immunity!

But hey most of us were raised exclusively on the stuff and we're perfectly fine!
Lisa
 
First, you are not selfish to stop nursing. You are doing everything in your power to breastfeed. My only suggestion would be to give La Leche a call if you haven't already.

If you can tolerate pumping, Erica's suggestion is a viable option. One of my close friends didn't enjoy breastfeeding, but she pumped for almost a year. You may not want to pump, and that is ok. I tried pumping but the pump never emptied the breast as efficiently as the babes. I had a top quality pump too.

Anyway, you do what works for you and Brooke. Don't feel pressured to do anything.

Take care!

Autumn
 
Everyone here has given you good advice. My advice to you is to actually have a nurse or lactation consultant or laleche league leader watch you breastfeed to make sure the latch is correct. I almost quit because it was so painful, but when I took my daughter in for a weight check with a nurse practitioner, she watched me feed her and I found out the latch on was not correct. She helped me with different positions and it got much better within a day. I am still breastfeeding 4 mos later. Sometimes having someone watch and hands on show you how to do it helps. It really does get better although it may not seem like it now. My sister told me that this is the time that most people quit, but if you stick it out, it does get easier. That was the best advice I got and am so glad that I am doing it. However, everyone is different. If you feel you need to stop, don't feel guilty about it. My other advice is that if you're going to strictly pump, to not bother. My friend stricly pumped because her baby would not latch on and it was a miserable experience for her because she'd get done feeding, and then have to pump, and then have to feed, pump, etc..........Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
I want to welcome Susie to the forums... I don't think I have done that... but my memory ain't what it used to be. :)

As for strictly pumping, as with everything else in this life, the experience varies from woman to woman. I know women who have pumped only and been successful. For example, there are woman that don't like the baby suckling but don't mind the pump. There are working moms who eventually pump only. There are just so many variables. I don't want you to be discouraged from any options. I know you will make the best decision for you and Brooke!

Autumn
 
No, you are most certainly NOT being selfish, Wendy! Do what you have to so that you are BOTH happy. She will be FINE! Nursing even for a couple of weeks is better than nothing and you did that so just be happy for that and let it go. Don't beat yourself up over it. Your love for your daughter is not measured by breast feeding. If you are not happy, your little one will not be happy. Make yourself happy and she will be happy too. Either way she is being fed good nutritious food and will thrive. Just love her unconditionally and everything else will fall into place! God bless you both and best of luck with whatever you decide! :)
 
Thank you all SOOO much for your support. I'm going to try to shoot for 6 full weeks-1 week to go. Then, I'm going to stop breastfeeding. Maybe I'll change my mind by then but this stress is really weighing me down and straining my relationship with Brooke.

Your right, I do feel like if I'm not willing to nurse Brooke then I don't want the best for her. Thanks for reminding me that my love for Brooke is not measured by my breastfeeding her.

Thank you all again,
 
you know, my friend who had twins while back actually always pumped and then bottle fed - found it less stressful when she knew just what they were getting. don't worry. i am sure you are a wonderful mom. just do what feels right.
 
Hi Wendy,

I'm sooo happy to hear that you are letting yourself "off the hook". You will see that all will still be wonderful!:)

Here's something else I'd like to add:

I tried breast feeding and it didn't work so then I went to the pump and bottle feed thing. To do that 100% you REALLY have to dedicate TONS of time to it and it just wasn't for me. Every time I turned around it would have been time to pump and/or feed. It was crazy! I guess some are cut out for that kind of thing but I was not.

I ended up pumping what I could when I had time every day (but it was minimal)and feeding Joey whatever I had of breast milk plus formula. I gave that up after a couple of weeks because I wasn't pumping nearly often enough so my milk supply dwindled quickly.

He's been on all formula probably since he was a month old and I am happy to report that he is absolutely THRIVING! He hasn't been sick once, he is pleasantly plump and a very good and happy baby!

YEAY!!!:+
 
>>if you're going to strictly pump, to not bother<<

I just want to respond to this comment. I pumped exclusively from the time my daughter was about 3 weeks old until she was almost 11 months. I am a SAHM, but I did not think it was too time-consuming at all. Breastfeeding was very painful for me and the pumping was not at all, so that's what worked best for us. Everyone is different, so what works for one person may or may not for another...

Lori
 
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