Anyone here raised by someone other than your mother?

6

67firecracker

Cathlete
I have a 2 yr old in my care. She's bounced back and forth between our family and her family 3x's now. She's my niece and the sweetest little girl but I've had enough of trying to accomodate her mother and hauling her back and forth. I'm ready to say 'forget it she's staying here until you can learn to cope with life.' It's a 2 hr drive and we run down and get her when the mom says she can't handle her anymore 'because she's so bad' and we've taken her back when the mom is ready. This time she's here for a month.While she's here her mom rarely calls (and she call collect when she does) and the little girl never asks for her. I've rearranged my work schedule and turned down extra work because I see her as the most important priority in my life right now. BUT I'm really torn whether it's better to be with your real mom who doesn't seem to care about you or to be with a family that does. She's really the sweetest little thing - far less strong-willed than my own children were - but she is two and busy like all 2 yr olds. It's easy to think this is best in the short term but what about the long term? So, back to my question - anyone here been raised by someone other than your mother or has anyone taken in a child that wasn't theirs? Was it a good thing or not?

Trish
http://www.dogshow.ca/images/running-dog.gif
 
I was raised by my Mom and my Grandmother. God bless you, Trish. You are taking on a lot of responsibility. I shudder to think what she experiences at her other home in terms of emotional needs.
 
Trish,

I haven't but I will relay the story of my close friend who took in her nephew from her sister who was very young and had drug problems. The newphew was about 5 when he came to live with my friend (although he had spent months at a time with her over the years)full time and is 10 now. From seeing her experience my advice is if you intend to take the child in GET EVERYTHING DONE LEGALLY so the parent can't just show up when they are feeling "parental" and take the kid back. My friend didn't take that advice at the beginning and spent lots of time going back and forth with her sister when she would clean herself up for the weekend and show up to, "get her baby." The sister would also use taking the nephew from my friend as a way to get money and stuff. Luckily after a two years of that my friend got smart and got legal custody established.

When the little boy came to live with my friend he had some behavior issues but my friend was smart enough to get some counseling help and the issues were resolved once he had some structure and discipline in his life. He is a great little kid. Calls my friend Mom and her husband Dad. He does see his "real" mom every other weekend and she is doing much better but he doesn't want to live with her.

The relationship with my friend and her sister is strained because the sister feel like she is cast as the "bad mother" in the family and my friend the "the hero".

Hope that helps some.
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

Trish,

I am in the similar situation like you.
I have 7 years daughter and 6 year nephew (my sister’s son) which I care about. My sister is the most irresponsible woman you can imagine. She left his son with our mother when he was only one month old. At that time we lived together with my mother, so we take it as it was our child. My daughter was one year at that time. Now we (me, my husband and the two kids) live separately from my mother and the boy lives with us.
He is so fond of our daughter; they are like brother and sister.
My sister did not care for him at all.. I mead she did not buy him a glass of milk from the time he have been born. Everything he need is ensured by us and my mother and father.
Can you believe that my sister live in the same town (half hour away from our home) and she come to see him once a year and even didn’t call him or us?
As for now I think that he accept us as his family but he is very happy when meet her. We made an attempt to adopt him, but according to our authorities the right to adopt it has only my mother because she is his relative in straight line.
We love him as our own child and I am very much afraid that may be some day my sister would decide to be a mom, and want to take him from us. Hope this will not happen.
May be I did not answer your question, but I am glad to share it with you.

Hope too that our children will become sterling persons!
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

I was raised by my daddy who is a saint if there ever is one. Mama never was very interested in us and she finally left all four of us (three of us and one cousin who we took in at age 12 because his mother and father couldn't handle kids either - you guessed it - mama's side of the family). I was 14 when she left, my cousin 17, my brother 12, and my sister 11. Daddy had raised us to that point and just continued on by himself. I don't know how he did it especially since mama left the finances in horrendous shape when she left. She has been in and out of my life since that time. I tried to rebuild a relationship with her after I had my children 24 years ago but she would not even try to maintain it. She once said "I just don't 'do' grandchildren". Well apparently she didn't 'do' children either.
 
Trish,

I just want to say GOD BLESS YOU!! I was mostly raised by my Grandmother. When I was little my Mom always had some "crisis" going on...divorced my father, married my stepfather, who was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive to me...and so on. If it weren't for the strength and love of my grandmother, I would not be who I am today...strong, happy, and confident. Am I'm sure it wasn't easy for my grandmother, just as this is not easy for you. Trish, my Mom was just never a "mom". She didn't have it in her. My grandmom saved my life and I'm sure you're saving this little girl's life. My Mom used to say I was bad too, but I was being abused by my stepfather and my Mom did nothing to stop it and she did know. So, YES it was a very positive outcome for me. God bless you!!! You are truly an angel. Good luck!!!:)
 
Sheesh, I am all teary from reading this thread. I am always amazed at how strong women really are. I think you are all awesome, and those kids are so lucky to have you in their lives!

Marie
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

Trish,

You are doing a wonderful, wonderful thing! It is not always better for a child to be with their biological parents, esp. if the parents show little interest in the emotional well-being of the child. After my mother died when I was 12, my father quickly remarried. Long story short, a mere year after my mother's death, my sister and I were packing our bags to get away from our stepmother. It was funny-- before they got married, she was a very nice, quiet woman, but afterwards-- yikes! It turns out that she was suffering from a host of mental problems and was on medication; however, when she got married she quit taking them ALL with the belief that love can fix everything. Uh, yeah. My sister and I were taken in by our paternal grandparents.

I cannot tell you how angry and hurt I was by my father's relative indifference to the whole affair. There was clearly psychological abuse going on, but he never said a word to defend my sister and I or stepped in to stop it. It has been almost 18 years since all of this happened, and we still don't have a great relationship-- I just don't trust him much. And, I've noticed that it's effected my relationships, etc. I prefer to avoid people as much as possible.

Sorry to be so long-winded, but just to reinforce that you're doing to the right thing:)
L
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your support and your powerful stories. You've made me cry but you've helped me make up my mind that I'll do everything in my power to fight for this child.

Yesterday I woke up at 5 a.m. to her little voice calling "Hey! Everybody! Everybody, I'm up!" She sounded like she was announcing something that was sure to make our day! She is 2 1/2 and she talks non-stop but strangely enough she never mentions anything about home, her mom, or her brothers. If we bring them up and ask a question about her home she acts like she didn't hear you. It's really strange behavior for a 2 yr old. Anyways, when I went to pick her up she says "Auntie Trish, mom isn't coming back." No emotion in her voice - just a statement. I was surprised she had mentioned her mom and I repeated what she said as a question "Mom isn't coming back?" "Yep, mom isn't coming back." and she put her head on my shoulder and went back to sleep.

There's no hope for me she's firmly entrenched in my heart. Thanks again for your stories they were all very helpful.

Trish
http://www.dogshow.ca/images/running-dog.gif
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

Trish, bravo to you for having such a big heart.

The mother of this child obviously has issues. My goodness this child is still a baby. It's a shame she labels the child as "bad". In my opinion there are no "bad" children.

I would love this child to death, and give her all of the structure and care she needs. The mother needs some parenting classes and a wake-up call.

Good luck to you.

Lori
 
RE: Anyone here raised by someone other than your mothe...

Trish,

I know that it's a lot of work for you, but she needs you in her life. She need to see what a normal life can be like. I was adopted, but I saw what my biological mom did to my poor sister. We met when I was 19 and my sister was 20. Thankfully, my sister had the stability of our grandmother. But my bm was in and out of her life causing all kinds of trouble and emotional scarring. It definitely has affected my sister in her relationships and how she trusts people. Even at 19, my bm tried to play mind games with me, but that's a whole other story.

She sounds like a darling little girl. It's too bad she has to go back home. It doesn't sound like she misses it.

Dallas
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top