My husband and I are starting to talk about having kids. I'm 32 and he's 34 and we've been married 6 yrs. We've had unprotected sex for over a year now using the withdrawl method. I'm scared to get pregnant. I know this sounds selfish but I am terrified of what it will do to my body. I've inherited all the body traits of both my parents..varicose veins, cellulite and stretch marks and work very hard on minimizing these. My sister had 2 kids and now has stretch marks sooo bad which make her so self conscious and she is always saying how she hates what preg did to her. I have been very active all my life and own a farm and will go crazy if I have to be on bed rest or something! I have endometriosis and have had 2 corrective surgeries already and my gyn has always told me that both getting preg and carrying the baby would be tough. My husband and I are so unsure. Any advice?
afraid of pregnancy
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gidget1978
Cathlete
Someone once said, "you will never regret having kids but you may regret not having them" and this statment is very true.
If you are unsure about having them b/c your just not sure if you have the patience or if you even really want them then thats different but if you aren't sure just b/c of your body issues, then I think you will regret not having them. Some people don't want children and thats just fine, and I can totally understand that. If I didn't have any, I could totally see DH and I travelling and enjoying each others company.
I had my 1st child when I was 17 (i got caught
) and I did get stretch marks but I think it was b/c I was so young and my body wasn't finished growing, b/c my mom doesn't have any. I just had my 2nd child 12 weeks ago and he is so precious! I didn't really enjoy DD as a baby b/c I was still a baby myself but I am really enjoying him. AND I didn't get any new marks anywhere with him.You will be quit amazed how fast your body can go back. I gained 45 lbs with him and I have 4 lbs left to lose.
This is the kind of topic that no one can give you the answer to, or even alot of advice but our bodies aren't gonna look this good forever.Not having kids isn't going to stop it from ageing and getting wrinkly and when that does happen do you think you will regret not having children come and visit you when you are 60? If you really wanted children I don't think you would be to worried about what happens to your body.
Oh....and all of my friends have had babies and I think they look better after then they did before.You could also take Cathe as an example, she is 40 with 2 kids and you would never know it.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for!
Lori
If you are unsure about having them b/c your just not sure if you have the patience or if you even really want them then thats different but if you aren't sure just b/c of your body issues, then I think you will regret not having them. Some people don't want children and thats just fine, and I can totally understand that. If I didn't have any, I could totally see DH and I travelling and enjoying each others company.
I had my 1st child when I was 17 (i got caught
) and I did get stretch marks but I think it was b/c I was so young and my body wasn't finished growing, b/c my mom doesn't have any. I just had my 2nd child 12 weeks ago and he is so precious! I didn't really enjoy DD as a baby b/c I was still a baby myself but I am really enjoying him. AND I didn't get any new marks anywhere with him.You will be quit amazed how fast your body can go back. I gained 45 lbs with him and I have 4 lbs left to lose.This is the kind of topic that no one can give you the answer to, or even alot of advice but our bodies aren't gonna look this good forever.Not having kids isn't going to stop it from ageing and getting wrinkly and when that does happen do you think you will regret not having children come and visit you when you are 60? If you really wanted children I don't think you would be to worried about what happens to your body.
Oh....and all of my friends have had babies and I think they look better after then they did before.You could also take Cathe as an example, she is 40 with 2 kids and you would never know it.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for!
Lori
lisellesmith
Cathlete
Very well put Lori. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you but having a child does take a toll on you body but my life without my children would not be a life. They give me so much joy and happiness and keep me grounded to appreciate the things that do matter. As Lori put it your body is pretty much going to change no matter what. Beautiful young people get old and get wrinkles and sag with time. Having children helped me to focus on how important it is to live a healthy and fit lifestyle. I want to be able to chase after my kids and I want them to eat right and live long happy lives. There are so many things I love about being a mom, . . first laugh, first smile, first walk, . . .and although I may tend to take it for granted now and then I love when they come running to me for help or because they are afraid, .. the mere fact that somebody needs and finds security and comfort in me is just something you can't put in a bottle and sell for $100. It is just so amazing to me how my kids think I'm the cat's meow stretch marks and all, .. . . and you know what I care more about what my kids think of me than what others think of me. Are there times when my kids drive me completely bezerk , . . .oh yes they do but I read somewhere as a mom you'll find it funny how the days may seem so long yet the years tend to go by so fast.
jennifersmom
Cathlete
I too was worried about what pregnancy would do to my body.
You already got the best advice from all the other ladies.
I agree with everything mentioned. It would be sad for you not to
experience pregnancy and motherhood in fear of the toll it may or
may not take on your body. Like Lori said some people choose not
to have children for many reasons but it doesn't sound to me that
is what you want. I think if you were able to exersise during your
pregnancy you would feel better mentally and physically. I also
think you will become much more concenred about the baby in your
belly than about stretch marks, weight gain, etc. Once you see
the ultrasounds and feel the baby moving all the other worries
which are all normal sort of fall by the wayside. I like and
appreciate my body now than I did before my daughter. There is
in my opinion nothing like having your own flesh and blood but
my life was great before kids but actually got better having her
too. All the Best to you!!
You already got the best advice from all the other ladies.
I agree with everything mentioned. It would be sad for you not to
experience pregnancy and motherhood in fear of the toll it may or
may not take on your body. Like Lori said some people choose not
to have children for many reasons but it doesn't sound to me that
is what you want. I think if you were able to exersise during your
pregnancy you would feel better mentally and physically. I also
think you will become much more concenred about the baby in your
belly than about stretch marks, weight gain, etc. Once you see
the ultrasounds and feel the baby moving all the other worries
which are all normal sort of fall by the wayside. I like and
appreciate my body now than I did before my daughter. There is
in my opinion nothing like having your own flesh and blood but
my life was great before kids but actually got better having her
too. All the Best to you!!
I don't think you should be worried about veins, cellulite, and stretch marks. Most of us have them and the chosen few who don't will get old eventually too and their bodies will grow old with them. What you should be concerned about is endometriosis. That is no piece of cake as you probably have experienced and your doctor already told you that it wouldn't be easy to carry a baby if you ever get pregnant. Think about that. Also, you said you're scared to get pregnant, what about your husband? Are you doing this because of him or do you really want kids too? You have to think about all this first. Remember also that if pregnancy is not an option because of your condition and you both really want kids you can try and maybe adopt a child. There are millions of kids in adoption homes around the world.
A couple of years ago I learned that one of my uncles was adopted and I would've never imagined. My grandparents did a great job raising him and they loved him as if he were a biological son. My mom, uncles, and aunts also loved him as if he was carrying their blood. I was moved when I heard about how he was adopted (long story short, one of my uncles was in the army, saw him in an adoption home for abused children, talked to my grandparents and they adopted him). There are millions of children like my uncle. If pregnancy is not an option for you, maybe adoption is.
A couple of years ago I learned that one of my uncles was adopted and I would've never imagined. My grandparents did a great job raising him and they loved him as if he were a biological son. My mom, uncles, and aunts also loved him as if he was carrying their blood. I was moved when I heard about how he was adopted (long story short, one of my uncles was in the army, saw him in an adoption home for abused children, talked to my grandparents and they adopted him). There are millions of children like my uncle. If pregnancy is not an option for you, maybe adoption is.
hi there, i totally understand how you feel.. i had the same fears about gaining weight, stretch marks, inactivity.. and also the fear that my running would take a toll (i'm been a serious runner for years) and i felt guilty about thinking this way, i was also worried about not having the time or energy to weight train..
but i am now 5 weeks pregnant and none of those fears exist anymore! i don't care about weight gain or stretch marks.. only thing that matters is the little person inside me! i still workout, i still run, i eat healthy and i feel great (a bit fatigued but i work through it).
i think you should keep discussing with your doctor and if you truly would like to have a child (and it sounds like you do) then those fears will subside.. and kudos to the woman who suggested adoption!!!
best of luck to you.
but i am now 5 weeks pregnant and none of those fears exist anymore! i don't care about weight gain or stretch marks.. only thing that matters is the little person inside me! i still workout, i still run, i eat healthy and i feel great (a bit fatigued but i work through it).
i think you should keep discussing with your doctor and if you truly would like to have a child (and it sounds like you do) then those fears will subside.. and kudos to the woman who suggested adoption!!!
best of luck to you.
Shopahollic
Cathlete
When first considering getting pregnant, I was fearful of how my body would change . I was even more petrified of losing my "me time". Its amazing how quickly I adjusted to the change despite my fears. Bodywise, due to exercise, childbirth changed little in my body. After pregnancy#2 I got some slight vericose veins but that is it and I am in my 30's. As stated, only you know what is right for you but make sure you leave yourself with no regrets.