Advice please? (long)

[gidget1978]

Hi Girls

I just want some input on this situation b/c I have never been in a perdicament like this before.And its a little childish...but not on my part! LOL

I had a baby 10 weeks ago and in this town, alot of women form baby groups.Most of them having babies around the same time. They pick a morning once a week, where they all get together and chat...with their kids. If anyting it is more of a break for the moms b/c we want to socialize. Not everyone goes every week, if your lucky you will end up with 5 or 6 moms.
I ran into a girl I know at the store and she invited me to their baby group. I was thinking "Finally!". I needed to get out of the house but had no group to join. This will only be my 3rd week going but I know most of the girls in the group and alot of them have babies older then mine, most were born last summer. But there have been 3 new additions to the group, including me.
A friend of mine had a baby 2 weeks ago and she planned on starting a group as well. Its her 3rd baby in 5 yrs so she is well aware of these baby groups...yada,yada...She had planned on starting her own, and I was thinking "great, now I will get out of the house 2 x a week!" but when she heard that I had joined a group she wondered if she could tag along.
Of course, I didn't want to tell her yes, b/c I had just joined so I didn't think it was right to bring more people into it, I thuoght I should run it by the girl who invited me.

So...I call her up today and she didn't think it was a problem but b/c there were 3 new people in the group, she said that someone in the group had said previously that they thought it should have been ran by the whole group before inviting new people. Which I can understand b/c if everyone showed up then you could have 15 women in your house and their kids.
I made it clear that I didn't invite my friend, that she invited herself.And I didn't even know how often she would come b/c she has 3 kids.(And most people know who my friend is)She also knew this b/c my friend and her had been in a baby group together before and my friend very rarely showed up.
She said that she had some things to do today but she was going to call a couple of girls to see what they thought,(she didn't think it was a big deal but someone in the group was being childish)and then she was going to get back to me later tonight.
What if she comes back and says no? How do I deal with that? Do I tell my friend the truth and tell her that we will start our own group? And b/c I know someone said something, it kinda makes me feel like they didn't want me in their play group either....or is it one person being childish? Or are they really moody with the person who invited the new comers and not actually the new ones.
To tell you the truth, I would sooner start a new play group b/c alot of these kids are older, with moms soon going back to work. I think it would be better if we socialized with people who have babies and have a yr off of work.

Like I said, this is childish and I even feel stupid for posting this but I really don't know how to deal with it. I think I am just going to tell my friend the truth and just hope that it doesn't make her feel bad. It certainly can't make her feel any worse then what I do.
Lori

 

[Boybert]

LOL Lori, I tell ya, I dealt with similar nonsense when Aiden was a bit younger. I branched off with a bunch of ladies from a mother's support group and we became our own informal group. Well, yeah, some of them got a bit snotty and became kind of petty from time to time. I don't have any relationship with most of them except a few who I really clicked with from the beginning.

It's such nonsense, really. It shouldn't be a big deal to have a few more come around here and there, especially since it is an informal group. It is so rare you get everyone at once. My thoughts were exactly what you said -- go with your friend and start a group if they are being snippy about it. Those kind of attitudes just really turn me off. I think it was nice of you to check with the rest of the group but I would not want to stick around if my friend was not welcome. I mean, it's not like the group is going to get hordes of mothers banging down the door all at once. Just my two cents...and my baby is almost 3


Debbie


I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
--Elayne Boosler

 

[candi]

Kind of sounds like how we get on this website from time to time, LOL!

 

[buffettgirl]

LOL Candi, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Lori, just tell her there were already too many in that group and a couple of the moms didn't want so many at their house. I think starting another group with your friend is a great idea and a great way to get out of the house twice a week.

 

[seeking_guns]

I agree with the others on starting your own group. If there is this much drama already at the beginning, you can be sure there will be a whole lot more once you're involved -- and then it will be hard to try to extricate yourself from the group.

BTW, don't feel silly about posting it - it's amazing how childish adults can often be. This reminds me of an incident at my old place of work. I befriended a few colleagues who had been there a lot longer than me, and they apparently had a little birthday dinner club. (Every time it was somebody's birthday, they treated the b-day girl to dinner.) They extended an invite to several newcomers, including me. Well, evidently, some of the others in the group were not pleased with this expansion, and in a nutshell, after a few dinners, the newcomers stopped getting invited! *lol* Even as an adult, it is somewhat insulting to be shut out of what is essentialy a clique, but in the end, I was glad for it. The restaurants they picked were never cheap, so why spend a good chunk of money on people who obviously don't appreciate my presence?

I do believe you'll be doing yourself a favor not to get involved with these "Mean Moms."

~Cathy

Those who indulge...bulge!

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