My mom sent me this. Enjoy!
13 Reasons to Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get
into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that sure was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just go "chunky dunkin."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live on forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster and faster it goes, so lets
all make the very best of it and not waist any!!
beth6395
13 Reasons to Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get
into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that sure was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just go "chunky dunkin."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live on forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster and faster it goes, so lets
all make the very best of it and not waist any!!
beth6395
