Why does this bother me???

banslug

banslug

Cathlete
OK, tell me if it's just me or what!

I'm trying to raise my kids to be responsible, hard-working and appreciative. We ALL are, right? My kids EARN things I buy them (except for the occassional surprise treat or gift, of course). If they want to buy a new toy, game, craft, trading cards, etc, they have to use their money from BDays, holidays, etc. And even then it's only if I firnly believe the item is appropriate for them.

But what drives me CRAZY...ABSOLUTELY INSANE are my friends who simply GIVE their kids everything without ANY requirements of any kind. All these kids with CELL PHONES!!!

SO just told me his ex got her 6 year old son (with her new DH) a cell phone! A 6 YEAR OLD, for Pete's sake!

Why is that bothering me so much?

It's so hard when my kids don't get or have a specific something that all the kids around them DO! And it's NOT just a money issue, but the principal of it! Even my 10 year old doesn't NEED a cell phone.

Sorry for the rant. I can't quite figure out why this is bothering me.

I guess I just worry that my kids will think I deprive them of things, or that they're the only ones without xxxxxxxxxx.

OK...rant over. I feel better. DEEP CLEANSING BREATH!

Gayle
 
I'm on your team!!! One of my coworkers has 2 dau - 16 and 9. TVs in both bedrooms (not to mention every room of the house) playstation 3, Wii, nintendo DS, hair professionally done every week. And always begging for money for new clothes/shoes, cell phones, etc. She buys it for them, and then complains she's paycheck to paycheck and no gas $$. The 9yr old doesn't NEED that crap (shoot, most of us don't) and the 16 yr old can GET A FLIPPIN' JOB!!!!!

Nan
 
I'm right there with you on this kind of stuff! x(

Sounds like you are doing it the right way and I am sure your sons are some great boys and will someday be some awesome men, husbands and dads!

Mary
 
Oh, Nan! Yeah....all the electronics going around these kids' houses is incredible!

And it's good to know I've got teammates out there with the same opinion!

Gayle
 
I'm with you, Gayle. It's crazy what some of these kids have. There is a girl my DD knows who's had her own cell phone since she was 8, claims to have over 80 webkinz, etc, etc. But I am happy to report that my daughter just rolls her eyes and declares how ridiculous that is. My kids are not deprived by any stretch of the imagination (and often I feel like they have way too much stuff as it is), but they sometimes impress me with their understanding that you can't always get what you want, saving your money for special treats is important, and sharing with others is a good thing.

I think in the long run your sons will thank you for what you're teaching them now, even if there are some things they will do without. Sometimes it feels like you're swimming against the current, but stick to your principles, and your kids will be better off than those who are handed everything on a silver platter.
 
Oh, feel free to rant away!! My 9yo told me that a girl in her class has a cell phone and I was so surprised!! What for??? I just got my first cell phone last year!!! (I know, I know!)

And ITA on kids earning their toys, games, etc. My dd's know better than to ask for a toy or candy when we go to the store because Mommy won't buy it. ;-) And if they do get money for a holiday, or grandparents feeling generous, etc then we talk about what they really really want and try to save up for it.

I hope that our kids will appreciate the things that they *do* get and will be more responsible adults because we've trained them right! ;-)
 
*ahem*

I'm looking at cell phones for my DD10 this weekend. But I think I have a fairly good reason. For one thing, we don't have a home phone and she's getting to the age where I feel I can leave her to run to the store or something like that. But I don't feel comfortable at all doing that without her having some means to contact me. And also, she will be starting to walk to school by herself (well, with a friend) soon, and again, I'd feel more comfortable if she has some way to contact me should some situation or other arise.

Apart from that, ITA that kids these days have way too much. We have two smalls TVs (one in my workout area) and no cable or satellite or anything. We have a family computer. My DD wants a video camera, so I agreed that if she saves up enough to pay for half, I will match it.

The only thing I'm pretty generous about buying is books.
 
Shelley ~ I think for your dd a cell phone would be appropriate. For a kid just to have one to talk to friends all of the time? No. Oh, and I'm glad to know that we aren't the only people in the world w/out a satellite or cable. :) However we do have 3 computers... :)
 
Gayle, I think you are doing the right thing. When raising our DD, we did not let her have a TV, phone or computer in her room. Those items were accessible in other parts of the house and she didn't need to be locked up in her room without us knowing what she was up to. We got her a cell phone when she started to stay after school for high school activities and needed a way to contact her or her to contact us. She did get into a little trouble exceeding minutes late at night, in her room, on the cell phone, but we nipped that rather quickly. She has grow up to be quite a responsible young adult. What in the world does a 6 year old need a cell phone for? Does a 6 year old even need to spend time on the phone other than talking to grandparents or family? I think what you are doing is teaching your children that things are earned and worth working for. Too many young people think everything should be given to them and when they reach adulthood they have no concept of the real working world and that the world doesn't owe them anything.

Jean
 
Oh and here I was feeling like the evil step mother...even though SO and I aren't married, I'm helping raise this boy, who is SO SPOILED by grandparents! They have a cell phone for him, which is fine, he's 12 soon to be 13. It's nice when we need to reach him too. BUT...his grandparents just took him to Disneyland last weekend, and we gave him $100 for souveniers etc. His other grandparents gave him $50. We told him NOT to save his money for something else, but to have fun there. He came home and told me he kept enough to buy Guitar Hero something or other, or Rock Band something or other. $100 was a lot for us to give, and he came home with like $90...I just felt that it wasn't fair. He should earn the money for those luxories, I had to. This boy gets whatever he wants. And I'm always made out to be...like I said...evil stepmother, for trying to get him to understand what the real world is really like!
Brandi
 
It's not just you Gayle. ITA with you!!!

My SIL and BIL give my niece and nephew pretty much anything they want!!! The boy is the most unrespectful and unresponsible kid I know. The girl is okay but she still shouldn't be handed everything! ACK!

My son is only (almost) 3 years old and ALREADY is not just being handed stuff. When we go to a store he will often ask to look at toys. We go, we look, we leave. He knows at not even 3 to not expect us to buy him anything for no reason. Yes, ofcourse we will on occassion but those occassions are rare and ONLY if he hasn't asked for it.

I think the cell phone thing is absolutely ridiculous. I get the concept of being able to get in touch with your kids at any time but a 6 year old!?!? OMG! A kid who is old enough to be out doing things w/o mom and dad is the YOUNGEST and at that point I would buy one but it would be the kind that all numbers but the ones I "okay" are blocked and the only ones that would be OKAY are #s to contact myself, DH and other close relatives or adult friends of the family incase of emergency or whatever. NO FRIENDS NUMBERS ALLOWED!!!

So no, Gayle...it's not just you! :)
 
I firmly agree that kids should be taught the value of money and the importance of living within your means. Parents/Grandparents who give in to every whine are setting themselves up for problems down the road when the kids leave the nest and don't have enough money for things like emergency car repairs, medical bills and RENT. The hand outs never end. However, regarding cell phones for children. Both of my kids (ages 12 and 10) have hand-me-down cell phones. It's really comforting for all of us to know they can contact us and we can contact them if we need to. They aren't allowed to use it in the house or when they are with us. We don't allow texting and neither one has ever come close to using all their minutes in over 8 months. Our kids earn an allowance and they are required to put 1/2 in the bank. Does my DS whine about having to save money? Sure, but he also whines about eating vegetables, bedtime and brushing his teeth! He still has to do it. My DD has become a hoarder and LOVES to save $$. (yay!)

RE: the 6 yo with a cell, just to be devil's advocate, my guess is it's one of those Firefly models that have 4 buttons (home, mom cell, dad cell, police). For kids with anxiety issues (and yes, 6 yos can have severe anxiety), a cellphone can be an enormous comfort to them when they are away from their parents. So, please don't disparage the parents unless you know the whole story. However, if you know the family well and the kid is just a brat and the parents are spoiling her rotten, I agree they are making bad choices and making it harder for the rest of us who don't have unlimited bank accounts or choose to not set up our kids to become irresponsible adults.

Lastly, I don't think this is new problem. There have always been kids/families that had cooler clothes, more expensive cars, nicer houses, bigger TVs, took better vacations, ate out more often, etc. The gadgets are new, but the basic issue is the same. The expression "keeping up with the Joneses" isn't a new one; it's the American Way for many people.

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
Gayle,
You sound like such a good mom! Your boys are lucky to have you. Sometimes certain things just get to you more than others. Hang in there and stick to your beliefs. Your boys will turn out just fine! I can't speak to the cell phone issue my 6 y/o does want a cell phone. she wants a golf cart (we live in a community where everyone is retired and golfs, they don't talk on cell phones I guess). should I be disturbed that her peer group is over 65? probably, but at least I know she can't get a golf cart!
 
I hear ya Gayle.

I just got a cell phone last year. I'm in the same boat with you Jess :) DH just signed us up with a family plan. Now mind you my kids are DD 23 DS 20 DD 18. They did not have cells before this. We felt it was time to get one for all of them. I have two out of the house. One in college and one working on her internship 2 hours away from home. I, like Shelley ,want them to be able to get a hold of us at any time and any where in this big wide world.

We also do not let them have tv's in their rooms or use the laptop in their room.

We have friends who have kids that are 12 and 15. The little girl is so spoiled. She has a new cell phone every month. I kid you not. When we have get togethers the kids sometimes come along. The girl sits in the corner and txts all her friends and does not communicate with anyone else. Even my youngest DD said to her "Renee why don't ya shut that thing off and come over and join us" She just stared at DD like she had three heads. Later my DD commented on that. How rude it was. So maybe as mean and evil as my kids sometimes THINK I am--I'm doing a good job ?? :)

Cell Phone humor:

REMEMBER this is my first cell. So youngest DD sets my ringtone up. I am a huge AC DC fan. I love the song "YOu shook me all night long" So she makes that my ringtone. Later that afternoon I'm in the video store looking for a movie to rent. I hear "YOu shook me all night long" I think : how cool they are playing my song. Well it happened to be my phone. After the second time it rang I realized it. I laughed out loud. It was DD calling me to test it. Thing was--I had no idea HOW to answer it. She was laughing when I finally figured it out
:+ :7 :)

So I agree some parents feel they have to buy their kids all this stuff and some kids EXPECT it.
 
Hi Gayle,

I suspect your children will be well positioned to deal with the reality of the times we now live in: you have to work hard to get and achieve what you want. Ours is a culture of gains by merit. The sooner they learn this and get accustomed to this, the sooner they will be suited for adulthood.

Good for you, you are giving your children a great gift.

X
 
Gayle,

I agree with you 100%!!! As you know we have been raising ten children for the last 34 years. Let me tell you, that kids keep getting more and more expensive. Many people ask me how we can afford to put all our children through college. Well, you should see there jaw drop when I tell them, we do not pay for their college. The ones that are at college age or above (five of them) worked to put themselves through college. We did help a little bit with some of the books.

My children do get cell phones when they start to drive. They do pay for them themselves and they pay the monthly bill. We just have them in my DH name. The same goes for vehicles. We have a couple old beaters that they drive. They pay the insurance and for all the upkeep and all the gas.

Kids today do not need cell phones when they are so young. That is ridiculous.

We do pay for five of our boys to play hockey. Now, that is very expensive. It runs about $7000 for the seven month season. This does not include their equipment, nor their jerseys, etc. We feel these sports are important for them. They love to play and it keeps the older ones out of trouble!

Cheryl
 
My niece and nephew have a lot of fancy stuff, but they got it all by earning it or on Christmas or their birthdays. For example, my nephew waited many months to get his xbox or whatever it's called on his birthday. I swear, he was counting the days for months. He arranged with me to get him the game he wanted for the xbox for his birthday too, weeks before. I told him I would get it for him only if Mommy and Daddy approved. They did, but he still had to wait for his birthday. Between you and me, I think his parents could buy and sell the xbox company 10x over, but you would never know it from dealing with the kids, or from their lifestyle. They are determined to lead a normal life, and I think they're doing an amazing job. It's not so much what the kids have as: are they spoiled? I think it's a crime to spoil your kids.

Kath - Funny story. I had the same experience with "My Girl" by the Temptations after my DH made it my ringtone. :7
 
WOW! I feel so much better to know it's not just me!

I've always been the one in my group of friends to NOT keep up with the Joneses, so I should be used to it by now. But I'm not! It gets harder as the kids get older and they realize what all their friends have. In defense of my friends, at least they don't make us/me feel like I'm depriving my kids of anything, so there is NO animosity involved at all. But sometimes it's simply DISAPPOINTING to me to see my friends do this. (and take my word for it, SO's ex's DS does NOT NEED a cell phone. lol...I'll spare you the details!)

I guess you just have to feel confident in what you are doing with your kids, and trust that everything DOES turn out well IN THE END!

THANKS for the support and input!

Gayle
 
My eldest daughter received her cell phone when she was in grade 9 and the reason was that the school is 40 minutes away and we believed that we needed to be in contact with her. Actually, once she was being followed by a man and was able to call me right away. Once he seen her get on the phone, he made a U-turn and staring waling in another direction.

My youngest daughter (age 11) just received her cell and the reason is that she walks to school by herself (without adult supervsion) and her school is about 15 minutes away. During February when we had all that ice, she fell and her hurt herself and was able to call me to get help.

We live in a busy city and for me, I believe it is beneficial for them to have cell phones.

However, I really can't imagine why a "6" year old would need one..

I also agree that electrics are talking over the youths and we as parents need to make sure we monitor how much time they are spending at the computer, tv, electronic games, ipods, etc. otherwise it will consume them.
 
>...Between you and me, I think his parents could buy
>and sell the xbox company 10x over, but you would never know
>it from dealing with the kids, or from their lifestyle.

Nance - your ILs must be damn wealthy, since Xbox is made by Microsoft. ;-)
 
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