What would you do? (as a parent)

Hi Clare,

Her distraction is usually in class not at home.When she actually sits to do her homework at home she gets it done and she doesn't stop to pick at something or to just slouch in her chair.Its when she is in the classroom that she gets distracted b/c like I said, she would rather socialize and talk, I think.The teacher did say that she as moved some of the kids around and she seems to be doing better.She said that she tries to pay attetion but she just gets distracted.So its a good thing that she isn't the one distracting everyone else.
She as a homework book but I am wondering if it is o.k for me to go buy her a cool little journal with puppies or kittens on it and maybe a little pen to go with it.? I don't know if her teacher will approve but I can't see why not.She may be more interested in writing things down then.
For a while to I have wanted to make a list of things to put on the fridge to be checked off.Like, bed made,room tidy,homework done...and then maybe at the bottom of the list I can have computer time.I could reward her with money cause she loves money.Im sure I could think of other things but thats the one thing she loves...hahaha
Lori
:) :)
 
Lori,
I have been dealing with this same issue with my 13 year old son. He spent the first semester flying through his homework, so he could talk on the phone at home. He got a D- in Chinese! A D-!! I was so mad. I went the rounds with my thinking...Do I take him out of sports..Do I punish him...reward incentives..etc etc etc.
I decided I don't want to to take sports away because of homework and grades. I value fitness (as I know you do too!), sports can pull a child through the hard years and give them an identity. It's all positive, so I'm not using that as a punishment.
I have started him on a schedule of doing an hour and a half of homework/study time every night and one day on the weekend. During this time he studies even if he has no homework. It's helping a lot. I would expect that a 4th grader should not spend more than say 45 minutes, but I would ask her teacher. I just had to give my first actual punishment and I took away a social event. I'm still figuring it out as I go. The teenage years are difficult for me.
Oh, and the other thing I wanted to comment on... I think it's fine to expect a babysitter to monitor homework time. As long as it's not too involved (like a big school project). Otherwise I can certainly see your delima, there is nothing fun about doing homework at 9pm! Keep us posted on your progress,
Heather
 
I had the same problem with my son last tear. He went from an A+ in Science to failing in the last semester. I called his teacher to see what was going on. Apparently, he wasn't doing Social Studies or English. I asked his teacher why I didn't get a call. He told me that the mail home progress reports were the communication vehicle. I said, "What if I was dieing?". These teachers don't care enough to go the extra mile. As a result, he didn't get into the accelerated program. I asked him why homework wasn't posted online as other teams do. He said this was his first time as a team leader and he didn't think the other teachers were interested. Some team leader. I would think if a straight A student suddenly stops doing work, a teacher would call home.

My older son had older teachers in Middle School. Every period, the agenda books were checked to make sure homework was recorded. Every night, the parents had to sign the book. Every test had to be signed.

Unfortunately, some of these younger teachers can't be bothered. They told me that they don't have the time. Somehow, the older teachers made time.

Anyway, I punished him by taking away all games and TV on school nights. It seems to be working. Told him sports would go next!
 
Just wanted to chime in - I'm a psychologist and maybe can clear up the ADHD issue a bit. Someone said that a child being able to do things they like at length but not things they don't like means they don't have ADHD. That's not true - kids with ADHD (we're talking about primarily inattentive type - your daughter doesn't sound hyperactive) CAN focus on enjoyable or novel things, but have intense trouble with boring, repetitive activities that require attention. I agree that kids may be being overdiagnosed, but I also think that ADHD primarily inattentive is more subtle (not as many behavioral signs).

But, in reading some of your posts, I'm not as quick to say your daughter has it - an evaluation would help determine this, but if she can focus on her work at home, then that's not it. The signs and symptoms of ADHD must be present in more than one setting, and so far the only setting described here is school. Also, there need to be signs from early on that she's had attention problems (if you think back, you might find some - maybe you didn't notice until now or maybe she did not have any signs - if not, she does not have ADD).

She's in the 4th grade. A BUNCH of stuff starts to happen at this age - they're nearing puberty, getting more interested in their peers, girls begin internalizing more, etc. The thing to ask yourself is, how much of a change has gone on here? Is is drastic, are there other things that she's doing? Or is she just experiencing waht's normal for someone her age?

Its great to get more involved, and get her teachers more involved. Unless you really think something may be wrong, you've done well by just demonstrating you are concerned and taking some control. About the cheerleading, if there are days she's still interested, keep her in it. Cut down on her TV time, make rules about the getting done of homework each night, and beyond that let her do what she wants. Hope this helps and good luck...
 
hi shawna,

our daughter was just diagnosed with it. we didn't realize it b/c firstly she is autistic and we though maybe the behaviour and inattentiveness was caused by lack of communication and speech development. we ran though a series of test in the past few months with brain scans and psychological exams before we were given the diagnosis. so now she has two conditions which apparently are not uncommon with autistic children since both are medical disorders that seem to affect the same parts of the brain. she started on 10mg a day which seems to be working. viola is pretty smart just can't control her figeting and attention span.

anyway, i wouldn't take offense to catwoman's comments, b/c i believe she did say there are children that do have this disorder. i think she was just pointing out that everytime there is some sort of problem at school the school officals or others will be quick to say that its add or adhd. for myself we went through a year of therapies and when those didn't work we went with the medications, not b/c i think meds are wrong b/c i was really concerned about the side affects of some of them. but everybody has to do what is right for them and their family.


kassia



When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
HI Kassia,
I just wanted to clear up that the offensive part of what she said included the "mental problems" comment. I do agree with a certain extent some of what she said. I do think there are lazy parents and teachers out there and they are quick to blame behavior problems on ADHD. I also believe that it is more common today because it can be diagnosed easier than twenty years ago. I just don't think that someone who has not dealt with learning disabilities should jump in and make somthing sound like it does not exist just because they have had no experience with it. And as I said before my DD does not have a "mental problem" she has a learning disability.
 
you make a point :). i try not to let that bother me anymore. i have heard it all from my inlaws that it just makes me either laugh or shrug anymore, kind of like i have become numb to others comments about it. my mother in law actually said autism is a learning disorder i about fell on the floor. i corrected her and said NO its a brain disorder. her learning is not the only thing affected by it. i agree that diagnostic procedures are much better these days. thats why so many autism and add cases seem to be EPIDEMIC when in fact we just realize the signs more.


kassia



When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
HI Ladies,

You gals gave me some great advice.We decided to keep her in gymnastics but put the homework on the top of the list.
She said yesterday that she would like to have McDonalds for dinner, then she said,I should have McDonalds for dinner every Fri.So I made a deal with her that if she did all her homework every week that I would buy her McDonalds on Fridays.
I aslo told her that we were going to go to the mall and buy a few books that she is interested in.Then we will sit and read it together every night (a couple of chapters a night) she can read one page and I will read one page.I think she will enjoy doing this.I think the Harry Potter books are a little to hard for her so I am going to search for "the babysitter club" books.Anyone remember those? I loved them growing up.Thats about 13 yra ago now.Hopefully I can find them!
We will see how it goes,
Thanks again,
Lori
 
Lori -

Sounds great! The best thing is you have more Mom and DD time too :)

My daughter is in college now and LOVED the babysitter club books. I remember when she "graduated" up from the little babysitter club books. I think my all time favorite book with her was Felicity from American Girl. Thanks for reminding me.

Anyhow sounds like you are doing all the right things!
 
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