Man, oh man, do I know that feeling of total frustration. I am 30 now, and as long as I can remember I have struggled with weight. Never much, usually about 30 pounds or so, but when you're 5'3" that's enough and it can really take its toll on you. In high school, by senior year, I got myself down to 115 pounds and a size 4, I was working out like crazy and I started to binge and purge. I did it on and off for years and years. I'd stop for a year or two and then go back to it. By the time I was 20 or 21 I was heavy again and worked in bars where the late hours and constant boozing made it impossible to be healthy. Add chronic severe asthma on top of that and having no immune system strength from a lifetime of overuse of antibiotics.
So, about 2 years ago, my honey and I moved to LA for a change of pace and a new job for him. We lucked out bigtime and I was referred to an intriguing doctor who combined chiropractic care, holisitic healing and Chinese Medicine. She helped me to identify one central health problem that was causing me the following chronic symptoms; vaginitis, heartburn, asthma trouble, terrible allergies, food allergies, painful bowel movements, indigestion/gas, achy bones, mood swings, depressiona and anxiety, inability to lose weight no matter how much I exercised or what I ate. She felt that my problem was in inner yeast imbalance, called Candidiasis. It was causing a chain reaction of awful symptoms in my body and the only way to know for sure if that's the problem when you suspect it is to try the elimination diet for a week or so and see how you respond. You actually get a little worse for a few days as toxins are exiting the body through every means possible and you feel a little like you have the flu and your symptoms exacerbate. But then things start to rapidly improve and then you know you've hit the nail on the head.
Now, I am not saying that's what you are faced with, but it is an inner imbalance that is thought to effect millions of people. It's become a modern epidemic thanks to everything from the common diet, to environmental factors to medications of every kind. So you might want to check out "www.bodyecologydiet.com" and take their self test to see if you think you might have a similar problem. But if you are fortunate not to have this condition (which is very easily correctable through diet and supplementation with natural things like probiotics, or good cultures) I just want you to know that so many other people have felt the frustration that you do. For over 10 years I struggled and beat myself up and bought into every gimmick and gadget and idea imaginable until I almost accidentally stumbled onto what would finally be my solution.
I began my yeast balancing diet and working out with Cathe tapes a year ago, almost exactly. Then, I weighed about 160 pounds, was a size 12 to 14 and was just miserable. Moody, down all the time, no energy. Today, I am a completely different woman physically and emotionally. I'm 130 pounds of muscle (thank you Cathe!), I'm a size 6, and I am sooooo happy and have just tons of energy. All of this has inspired me and moved me so much, I am enrolling in school full time to pursue a degree in Kinesiology or nutrition or both, to help people the way my doc helped me by idnetifying this problem and walking my through correcting it naturally.
It's been a long, tough road and I wish I would have known these things years ago. But who knows? Maybe back then I wasn't ready and I wouldn't have seen it through. I like to think it was fate that I found this doc and that she so capably helped me get healthy and strong. Once your body is in the proper balance, everything functions better, you waste less energy on disgestion of the wrong foods and have more energy available for things like exercise, going out and having fun and burning fat. And I haven't had so much as a sniffle since I got "clean." This, from a girl who used to take antibiotics (thanks to crappy doctors) all the time, like Pez, for my constant colds.
Don't give up and don't feel alone, because you're not. Just know that the solution could be completely different for everyone, but I can tell you with certainty that if you get yourself balanced and truly strong health-wise, the lean body will definitely follow. My initial weight loss of 20 pounds happened within the first few months but I was focusing totally on my symptoms and how I felt, so it snuck up on me. After all those years of obsessing over my fat butt, when I stopped thinking about it I made a breakthroug. Go for total health and you can't possibly go wrong.
Take care.
Where is the willpower that used to come so easy?? I guess what I'm looking for is some much needed support and words of encouragement to break my downward emotional spiral.