O/T @#&% Men and Ogling!

jillybean

jillybean

Cathlete
I have to vent... I used to wear nice clothes. I used to tease my long hair and wear it down. I used to wear make-up. Then - I stopped. I did't "let myself go" but I just didn't care how I looked anymore. I was so sick of being OBSESSED with my apperience (weight, face, clothes, etc) that I've started to wear flannels and men's khakis, my hair in a bun, and no make-up. But now I feel 'frumpy.' I had an interview today so I wore make-up, my hair down, and nice pants and a sweater. No big deal. The guys at my current job looked at me funny and said, "Wow I thought we hired a new girl, you look good, holy moley!" which was nice, I guess. However, I get to the interview and the guy says to me (honestly), "There's all sorts of things you're not supposed to say in an interview, but I'm gonna tell you, you're very good looking. I might have a position for you in marketing... marketing is all about showing your ass and you would present well." OH MY GOODNESS! Did I mysteriously step into the filming of a sexual harassment awareness video?!? I hate being ogled, but I hate looking like a girl who beat up a chubby grunge band and took their clothes. What do girls do?
 
See, this is when we need a chat line. They actually said this to you? You must of been devasted.Men don't have a clue sometimes.Or atleast ones like that.
I guess if we could call it "a Problem" considering that sometimes it is niced to get noticed....but not in that sort of way.I have it to...sometimes.
I am only 24 and I am not over weight but like most women want to lose weight.I am married and have a 6 year old daughter.So when we go out of course I dress up and you dress up to feel good about yourself and you don't mind getting some attention.(it is nice to know that you still got it)But when people start yelling out to you or trying to touch you or the weirdest mail man in the world chases you home one night, then it becomes degrading.But I guess sexually harassment STILL goes on the on work force. But on a brighter note did you get the job? HAHAHA
Then again would you even want to work with people like that.
Take care,
Lori
 
Sorry about that Jillybean. That is terrible. I hope you know that there are men in this world who do not act like that! I say wear whatever makes you feel good, and if people comment on it(or don't) who cares! If you look in the mirror and feel good about what you see then that is all that matters. If you feel frumpy in grunge clothes then find a happy medium like a nice pair of jeans and a cute t-shirt.

Take Care.
Kristie
 
I think I would run the other way, as this to me is a glaring indication of how you would be treated by that company if you were hired. How insulting!

I would have walked out of the interview.
 
Try to take it as a compliment albeit a badly delivered one! It's great to be admired but what a thing to say! A beauteous smile and a, "Thanks for the compliment even if it is delivered in an offensive manner!" might be appropriate!

Bobbi http://www.plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif Chick's Rule!
 
Men can be such jerks! I remember once when I was working at a 4 Star hotel as an administrative secretary for a REAL jerk. Once while taking the stairs with this idiot he reached out and grabbed my boob and gave me a big fat pinch -- when I reported him they acted like he was a choir boy and I was mistaken. I understand he was later let go because he started making mistakes with other women too and they could not ignore him any longer.

Susan
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON May-11-02 AT 02:08PM (Est)[/font][p]Hey Jilly!
That's certainly a strange thing that happened to you. The guy must not be very bright or something. He did get something right, although he said it crudely. Marketing is definitely all about the "dog and pony" show and companies like mine are hiring by looks to fill those spots. Most of the nice-looking girls in my company are in marketing, many with flimsy credentials. Unfortunately sexual harrassment by today's definition and in some form or another happens in every company every minute of every day. Some severe like yours and other people's on this thread, others not so bad. I see it first hand. In our company it mostly happens via email conversations. It's not just the men either. Our company seems to have quite a few women who will do and say the most outrageous stuff to get noticed. One the other day in fact paraded around in light brown pants that were so tight you could see the dark colored thong she was wearing underneath. I got news for ya.....stuff like that doesnt occur by accident! lol! The men in the company mostly gather together, bitch about their wives, talk about what hot gal is wearing whatever type of outfit, discuss some sports, bitch about their co-workers, then move on. lol! That's my company social environment in a nutshell. And... at the health club I go to, the young girls have taken to letting the top of the thong show ever so slightly above the waistband of their shorts...which oh by the way has been folded down 2 times to allow for this! lol! And the midriff baring is getting more skimpy. Guys are lifting and drool is coming out of their mouths. The girls are showing, and trying not to be too obvious as they do a quick glance to see if any guys are watching. Guys are flexing and doing the same. It's a big game that's been played since time began. But you know what......I myself never say a word and that's the way it should be. Just look if I like what I see but just say and do nothing. Men are picture oriented.....a good looking women sets us off. What can I say? The key is to not go overboard with complimenting a woman and not make crude comments. I say dress as sexy as you like Jilly and get a thicker skin. And I mean that in a very nice way. :) Just realize that there are some jerks out there......mostly few and far between I think. The guy you dealt with should be turned in. Realize also that there are alot more nice guys out here who can really appreciate the sexiness of a fit, well dressed, confident woman without getting crude and offensive towards her.
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON May-11-02 AT 02:09PM (Est)[/font][p]DISREGARD DOUBLE POST!!!!!!
SORRY!!!
Hey Jilly!
That's certainly a strange thing that happened to you. The guy must not be very bright or something. However, unfortunately sexual harrassment by today's definition and in some form or another happens in every company every minute of every day. Some severe like yours and other people's on this thread, others not so bad. I see it first hand. In our company it mostly happens via email conversations. It's not just the men either. Our company seems to have quite a few women who will do and say the most outrageous stuff to get noticed. One the other day in fact paraded around in light brown pants that were so tight you could see the dark colored thong she was wearing underneath. I got news for ya.....stuff like that doesnt occur by accident! lol! The men in the company mostly gather together, bitch about their wives, talk about what hot gal is wearing whatever type of outfit, discuss some sports, bitch about their co-workers, then move on. lol! That's my company social environment in a nutshell. And... at the health club I go to, the young girls have taken to letting the top of the thong show ever so slightly above the waistband of their shorts...which oh by the way has been folded down 2 times to allow for this! lol! And the midriff baring is getting more skimpy. Guys are lifting and drool is coming out of their mouths. The girls are showing, and trying not to be too obvious as they do a quick glance to see if any guys are watching. Guys are flexing and doing the same. It's a big game that's been played since time began. But you know what......I myself never say a word and that's the way it should be. Just look if I like what I see but just say and do nothing. Men are picture oriented.....a good looking women sets us off. What can I say? The key is to not go overboard with complimenting a woman and not make crude comments. I say dress as sexy as you like Jilly and get a thicker skin. And I mean that in a very nice way. :) Just realize that there are some jerks out there......mostly few and far between I think. The guy you dealt with should be turned in. Realize also that there are alot more nice guys out here who can really appreciate the sexiness of a fit, well dressed, confident woman without getting crude and offensive towards her.
 
I'm sorry this has to be said!--long

Jilly, I was going to send you an e-mail but decided after reading all of the responses you received a little education for EVERYONE here is in order. I don't know if I will get deleted (like they might do on other boards), but I'm going to take a chance.

I can't believe as educated as this group is no one caught this. I work in Human Resources so this is not just A GUESS, this is fact. Comments like the ones in your post are not just in poor taste, they are, in fact, unethical & can be prosecuted in a court of law (please note I say can be--did not say this is illegal).

Jilly, you are very much on the money with your question about sexual harrassment. This is sexual harassment. I have to sit & listen to our "education" video all day long, while new hires watch it. Comments like this are a huge issue! It's a sad day, that in this day and age of enlightenment, men are still making comments like this in interviews.

You asked the question "What do girls do?" You should, if nothing else, contact this (& I use the term losely) gentleman's manager & report his behavior. It is inappropriate & demeaning. If you still want to work for this company make that clear to the person you call. I, for one, would not want to work for a company that has people like this in positions of leadership. If one is interviewing applicants, one is in a position of leadership.

Ladies, please don't misunderstand, I aboslutely DO mean to lecture. This behavior is inappropriate & that anyone would put "lol" in their response to this just doesn't get it. If you have ever been the victim of unwelcome remarks like this, it isn't funny. You feel violated & dirty. We should be able to dress up without men feeling as though they can make comments about "showing your ass."

It's not about getting a thicker skin, Trevor, it's about being respected in the workplace. I am completely appauled that someone would say that regarding an issue of this magnitude. Jilly never said she was dressed in a sexy manner. She said she wore "make-up, my hair down, and nice pants and a sweater." What you describe happening in your workplace is wrong. I believe you are right that dress like you describe doesn't happen by accident & should be addressed by the management of your organization. What you describe in your gym is completely different. If I were to dress like that in the gym, you can bet your sweet bippy I'm looking for attention!

I feel better now. Thanks!
 
RE: I'm sorry this has to be said!--long

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON May-11-02 AT 05:42PM (Est)[/font][p]I am so glad you posted this. Otherwise I would have had to come out of hiding.

That anyone would even try to laugh this off makes me so sad --I can't even tell you. Women's work will never be worth the full dollar until we get rid of this stuff.

I am so completely floored that someone would suggest taking it as a compliment I can't even comment (gasp, gasp -- where is the sanity in the world). I guess we have suddenly been catapulted back into the early twentieth century.
 
Glad to see you spoke up here Trevor. I work for a construction company so the ratio of men to women is like 6:1. I have lots of nice sweaters and lipstick colors that I refuse to wear at work because, well, it's not so much the being looked at that bothers me, it's the way I'm looked at. And on a side note, I am used to seeing a guy in tool belt drool as my co-worker bends over to roll up a set of blueprints, but I've never been treated 'as a piece of meat' by a managerial figure. It just threw me for a loop. It's nice to see that you appreciate sexiness and not skankiness Trevor. And I really hope that my husband doesn't bitch about me at work. Thanks again for your perspective.
 
Glad to see you spoke up here Trevor. I work for a construction company so the ratio of men to women is like 6:1. I have lots of nice sweaters and lipstick colors that I refuse to wear at work because, well, it's not so much the being looked at that bothers me, it's the way I'm looked at. And on a side note, I am used to seeing a guy in tool belt drool as my co-worker bends over to roll up a set of blueprints, but I've never been treated 'as a piece of meat' by a managerial figure. It just threw me for a loop. It's nice to see that you appreciate sexiness and not skankiness Trevor. And I really hope that my husband doesn't bitch about me at work. Thanks again for your perspective.
 
RE: I'm sorry this has to be said!--long

Thank you for your email and your insight. I did decide to not take the job, basically because of the interview. Your HR experience came in handy. I called the company and asked for the person in charge and guess what - the guy I interviewed with was it! Unbelievable!
 
That person you encountered wasn't a "man", it was a 12 year old adolescent boy trapped in a grown-ups body. Consider the source and let it roll off your back.
 
That person you encountered wasn't a "man", it was a 12 year old adolescent boy trapped in a grown-ups body. Consider the source and let it roll off your back.
 
That person you encountered wasn't a "man", it was a 12 year old adolescent boy trapped in a grown-ups body. Consider the source and let it roll off your back.
 
Hey Jilly!
Now that you mention you are in construction I get a clearer picture. I know quite a few guys who do that for a living. Seems like alot of guys in that arena are "in your face" types who kinda just say and do whatever they like. That includes the ogling and comments towards women. Not all, but many do. Like I said we have more subtle harrassment where I am.....email for instance.
Anyway, I hope I haven't offended anyone here....just giving my day to day experiences.
Jilly, you sound like a great gal. I hope you can become comfortable wearing the clothing you want to wear at your job, and if comments are made, just hit 'em back with some sharp, quick witted comment. Sometimes that shuts people up.
One positive here: you must look really terrific for these guys to comment and therefore your fitness routines must be working for ya! ;-)
Take care......good luck!
Trevor
 
That's odd in this day and age...

Anyhow I've seen it too - but I've seen WOMEN saying totally inapropriate things to young guys... It makes me sick becuase if it was a guy saying it he'd be talked to in a second.

I've seen woman say TOTALLY inapropriate comments to guys about how the look good in tight shirts etc etc. Drives me nuts. And how someone "wants" someone.

Anyhow I just had to jump in (yes I'm a woman) and say it isnt about the sex of who is saying it - its the issue of harrasment etc (often from a more powerful person).

Anyhow just my .02.
 
RE: I'm sorry this has to be said!--long

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON May-12-02 AT 07:08AM (Est)[/font][p][font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON May-12-02 AT 07:03 AM (Est)[/font]

Had a response here to gettingfit, but I decided better of it.
I apologize for using "lol"..........god forbid I try to add a little levity to make Jilly feel a little better.
and... good luck to you jilly.
T.
 
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