I need some dating advice.

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
Yeah yeah, I swore I'd never come back but I don't know of any other place where I can get a lot of opinions from women who (hopefully) know what they're talking about. I'm totally clueless about dating & I need help.

So here's the story. About 2 years ago this guy at my gym asked my friend if she'd ask me if I was interested in him. I was just coming off of a very nasty breakup & not only was I not in the right mindset, I was somewhat annoyed that at our age he couldn't just introduce himself & let things take their natural course.

Two years later & I'm kicking myself. I've gotten to know him & I've found I really like him. He's apparently still single & for the last month or so I've been dropping hints like crazy (at least I think I have, but not being very experienced at this could be they're just falling flat). He seems totally open & he also seems to like me, but he hasn't actually asked me out. I won't ask him--as independent as I am I'm still pretty traditional, & also I'm scared to death of rejection (how do men do it?).

Any advice on how to take this to the next level? As in, a nice meal together maybe?
 
Laura - throw your tradition and fear of rejection out the window and ask him if he'd like to go for dinner. You don't strike me as someone who sits by and lets something they want drift away. Perhaps he thinks you're still not interested. Take it from one who knows... guys are dense as bricks when it comes to "hints". Now go on... ask him out.
 
>Laura - throw your tradition and fear of rejection out the
>window and ask him if he'd like to go for dinner. You don't
>strike me as someone who sits by and lets something they want
>drift away. Perhaps he thinks you're still not interested.
>Take it from one who knows... guys are dense as bricks when it
>comes to "hints". Now go on... ask him out.

Laura,

I agree with Shelley. Dont make the mistake again of not seizing an opportunity. Ask him out, even if it is casually for coffee after a gym session the first time, before you build up your nerve to suggesting a real date. But do it fast. Dont let happiness slip you by.

~* Vrinda *~
 
Hi LauraMax,

He may still be gun shy because of the last time. The fact that he asked if you were interested in such a roundabout way (via your friend) may mean that he's really rejection phobic too, or just kind of shy.

I can understand your hesitation to ask him out on a date so try taking baby steps. What hints have you dropped? Also, what do you guys talk about? We need details! Did you ever say, after a workout, "I'm dying to get a frappucino. You thirsty?" If not, I'd try something like that. Or, ask him if he's going to working out tomorrow because you wanted to show him some article/book on <insert topic you've previously discussed with him> and wondered what he thought of it. In my experience, a few casual invites and meetings lead to nice dinners together. Good luck and HTH!

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
>>Laura - throw your tradition and fear of rejection out the
>>window and ask him if he'd like to go for dinner. You don't
>>strike me as someone who sits by and lets something they
>want
>>drift away. Perhaps he thinks you're still not interested.
>>Take it from one who knows... guys are dense as bricks when
>it
>>comes to "hints". Now go on... ask him out.
>
>Laura,
>
>I agree with Shelley. Dont make the mistake again of not
>seizing an opportunity. Ask him out, even if it is casually
>for coffee after a gym session the first time, before you
>build up your nerve to suggesting a real date. But do it fast.
>Dont let happiness slip you by.
>
>~* Vrinda *~

<gasp> You guys are insane! Courageous, but insane! :eek:

Johannah, when I first met him he said he'd do anything to get a parking pass in my town. Well, I got him the parking pass. There are almost 800 people on the waiting list. People who'd cut off their right hand for that permit. Then he decided he didn't want it. Wouldn't something like "I don't need it, but let me buy you a meal to thank you" be appropriate?

I stayed at the gym for an extra 20 minutes Wed night talking with him b/c he wanted a "distraction" from his cardio. That's a hint, right? Why else would I hang around there after a long day of work & exercise?

Right now we just talk basic, getting to know you stuff. Vital stats, exercise, jobs, family, etc.

Jeez, I'm even scared of the harmless stuff you suggested. I think I'm emotionally disabled or something.

PS. Thanks RG, missed you too! :)
 
Will you ask him out already?!!!! He obviously was interested at one point. Now its your turn.

Also your hints are lame. It is my experience men dont pick up on those like women do. I think by asking him to meet you after gym you come across as confident. By dropping lame hints you come across as swooning high school girl.

Control your destiny.


Carmen
 
Hmmmm, as Shelley posted, men can be really clueless. He may not have known the hoops you jumped thru to get him the pass, so was oblivous that he ought to have done something in return for you. Same thing, with you talking to him after your workout. So, no I don't think he'd necessarily figure out you were interested from just those 2 things.

Okay, if my suggestions were too terrifying to contemplate (and no, you're not emotionally disabled!!), find a topic of conversation (favorite movie, type of training, books read, places want to go on vacation, wines, etc) that can lead you to just bringing in a book/article that you can leave with him the next time you see him. "Hey, I saw this and thought of you" kind of thing. It's really no different from what you'd say or do for a co-worker. Is that more doable?

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
I'd just go for it if I were you. How about a simple, "do you want to have a drink/coffee sometime?". If he says yes, give him your phone number and ask for his so that you can set it up.

Honestly, I'd rather have the short embarrassment of rejection then the long-term wonderings of "what if?".

Good Luck,
Shelbygirl

P.S. 20 years ago, I met a cute friend of a friend at a group outing. I asked him to dance and then walked onto the dance floor. When I turned around he was actually there. Best thing I ever did...we've been married for over 18 years.
 
Shelley's right. You have to just do it. ;) Don't worry. Remember the worst that could happen is he could say no. And that doesn't leave you any worse off than you were before. If you don't ask him, you won't ever go out with him. If you ask him, at least you have a chance of going out with him. The odds are better if you ask! ;) GO FOR IT!!!
 
OK this is corny but since he did it first, I say it's time to get your friend involved again. Tell her to tell him that if he asks you out you'll say yes this time. :)
 
If I hadn't asked my husband on our first date, we never would have gone out. He is good looking, but terribly shy. I was too, but I bit the bullet and asked him out and nearly 10 years and two kids (working on 3) later, I'm SOOOO glad I did. I agree with Evily that the worse that can happen is him saying no, but if you guys hang out a lot and are friendly, I can't imagine him saying no. Good luck!!

PS Glad you're back!
 
OK Laura I agree with Tess and Jonahnah - either re-visit your mutual friend and ask for help or do the "I thought of you" thing.

I think I'd have a heart attack if I had to ask a guy out. I'm getting palps just thinking about it!

But now, you've got us all on the edge of our seats. Please let us know what you decide and good luck!
 
Laura,
If you want to continue on and go to the next step, someone has to take the initiative . Ask him out for coffee or a beverage. Talk, and see what happens. If he doesn't want to, then you know right then and there what your expectations are. Don't be afraid of rejection. There are many fish in the sea. Try it, you might be pleasantly surprised. Take a chance and see what happens.

Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible

http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
 
<<If I hadn't asked my husband on our first date, we never would have gone out.>>

Same here. :)

No BS, hints, or go-betweens, just ask him to dinner.

Glad to see you back!
 
Have you already worked your gym schedule around his?? I think it shows a lot of interest when you "just happen" to be at the gym at the same time a lot. Then when you work up the nerve to ask him out or drop an obvious hint and he says no you know when not to go to the gym!! I'm sure he will say yes--I think he is clueless or turning the tables and playing hard to get since you turned him down the first time. It also could be his pride-he might be stubborn and refuse to ask again and will only wait for you to ask this time. Good luck and keep us posted!

Shev16
 
Well, just a wee bit of history. I asked out the last guy I dated. He said no. A few months later he asked me, but in the course of conversation at some point he told me I'd "come on too strong" when we'd first met. So I'm a little gun shy.

I haven't necessarily worked my schedule around him, we already go on weeknights at the same time. Our mutual friend doesn't come to the gym anymore. She's pregnant & is under strict orders not to exercise.

Oh well. Thanks everyone for the advice. Maybe if I feel the moment is right I'll ask sometime, but I think it'll be pretty tough for me. I'll keep you posted! :)
 
Laura -

Having been single for the last 8 years - I have learned that you just ask. I definitly wouldn't ask about dinner - I think dinner is too much pressure or means a bit more than just "you know, we should get a drink/coffee sometime." I have run into quite a few guys that are just way more intimidated/shy these days and usually always glad I made the first move. They dont like rejection as much as we dont.... :)

Good luck - glad to see you back - and keep us posted!!
 
Time to inject the Y chromosome here...

Ask him out. JUST DO IT!!!!

How I dealt with rejection? It crushed me but you have to get back on the horse that threw you. Maybe not the same horse, but another horse. Also don't conclude rejection unless he's clear he's not interested.

openers for the gym...

You: we should get together some time, maybe dinner. (open ended not date/time specific on the initial offer)

Him: sounds nice.

You: there's this new {Thai, French, Italian whatever} place I've been wanting to try.

Him: Thai sounds nice

You: How about Thursday after our workouts?

then close the deal. You can prebuy a gift certificate before the meal and tell him you got the pass as a bonus at work so you get around the who's treating BS.

If that doesn't work email me, we'll kidnap him.
 
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