Here I go again...

C

candori

Cathlete
Up, down, up, down...and currently UP. The yo-yo continues and it's making me koo-koo.

I need help on how to get on track again...especially with the holidays upon us. It's one party after another and I can't get my eating under control. I got married in September and I worked out soooooooo hard to look extra toned in my wedding dress. I was so thrilled to have lost 15 pounds and finally see definition in my arms, abs and even my buns. I was on top of the world and convinced that I would keep going.

Now I'm depressed because I can see the weight creeping back on.

Last night I went to my parents for dinner and my father looked at my behind and said "gaining it back already, huh?" I could have died. At my wedding, everyone was complimenting me on how fit I looked and I swore up and down that I wouldn't let myself go down the yo-yo path again...but I just can't get a grip.

I need some encouraging words to shock me out of this pattern that has become my life. I want to stay in control, but I keep slipping. Anyone out there know where I'm coming from??? If so, please help.
 
Does your father realize how much his words hurt you? He needs to be told! I am sure he loves you dearly, and doesn't mean to sound so mean.

I think that it is normal to gain a bit of weight right after marriage. (Stinks to be average!) Mine went up because I had major surgery and had to take some time off. Even my husband has picked up a few lbs. We decided to commit to working out together a few times a week. Plus I do my own stuff, and he does his own. I told mine how important it is to me for both of us to stay healthy. He never complains about my size, because he knows how hard I work to keep it under control.

Enjoy marriage...but take advantage of the fact that you have a 24/7 workout buddy and personal trainer!

:)
 
I think we might have the same Dad. When I was pregnant and trying to lose the weight afterward, he frequently said "WOW...your butt's really BIG!!"

I've found in the past, when I've not worked out for awhile, it helps if I get back into it VERRRRY slowly. Maybe the first day, I'll just watch an exercise tape. Then, the next day, maybe I'll get up and do some of the exercises, but take it really easy, and not do the whole thing. It takes awhile to totally get back into the groove again, but, eventually I get there. Plus, I'm proud of myself for at least doing SOMETHING every day.

I hope this helps!
 
Candori, I can TOTALLY relate. I have had the same experience that you have had. I remember from your pre-wedding posts that you were into the BFL program. Like you, I was into it hard-core before my wedding this past April. I made additional improvements after my wedding up until mid-June. Then, I had a few slip ups in between "Free Days" and before I knew it, every day was a free day. I continued my A.M. workouts, but eventually, they were no match for the extra calories (diet really is 70% of your results :-rollen). I became VERY discouraged and down on myself and then I realized that I was forgetting one of the core principals of BFL - setting a goal. Like you, most of my motivation came from the anticipation of getting married and wanting to look great in my wedding dress. When the wedding was over, I didn't have a specific goal to work toward and I imagine that could be what has happened to you. I am a very goal-oriented person and I realized that I would continue to need something SPECIFIC to work toward in order to stick to a program completely (not that improved health isn't enough motivation). I am back on track :-jumpy and I now set short term goals for myself. When I reach them, I set new goals. This is ALSO one the principals many of the BFL champions followed and continue to follow after their Challenge. We all have our own personalities and different things work for different people when it comes to motivation. You will have to find what works for you. Setting specific goals works for me and maybe it will work for you, too!;-) Hope this is helpful!
 
Hi Candori!

Sounds to me like you are ready to try again! GO FOR IT! We have to accept that this a lifelong project. It's never easy especially for those of us that love to eat. Wouldn't it be nice if the eating part was as easy as the exercise part? I'd have it made!:-rollen Hang in there, take it a day at a time, and we're here to help root you on. (Are you doing your Cathe vids? That's a lot of inspiration on it's own when you do all that hard work.) Good Luck! Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH :)
 
RE: Hi Candori!

Hi, my entire family is like your dad. First its normal to gain a few pounds when you get married, the key though is to stay on top of it. That is really awful what your father said, but just ignore it. My father/father in law/ aunts/ granmother etc are very critical of my weight becuae i weight 35 lbs more than when I got married 5 1/2 years ago (never mind that I had 2 beautiful healthy babies they don't see that, just my big butt and huge breasts- these are the body parts they like to point out, oh and fat face of course)

The bottom line is I learned that if I let it get to me it just hinders my progress. I know its hard (and for me sometimes also) but realize he is the one with the problem for telling you this. As if you did not notice he thinks he has to point it out. You can't change people and the hurtful things they say but you can change how you react to them. Just by working out you are leading a healthy lifestyle. don't worry, you will reach your goals!
 
RE: Hi Candori!

I am so sorry to hear what your dad said to you. I know it hurts for anyone, let alone your family, to tell you that you are gaining weight. It is especially embarrasing if it is said in front of others.

When someone says anything like that to me I always respond with a smile, and tell them thank you for making feel so good about myself. You are such a good person for pointing that out. Usually people are so embarrased, they apologize for their insensitive comment. I guess you can tell that it is a sore spot for me :)

Just as the others have told you, many gain a few pounds when they get married, and I am no exception to that rule. Try to gain control and take it one day at a time. I remember your prior posts and try to start your same routine again. You did it once, you can do it again.

Terri
 
RE: Hi Candori!

I'll add one more to the "I know how you feel!!" When I got married I was at a normal healthy weight that I felt good at. Within months of getting married my husband and I both gained weight. I actually had friends and family asking me if I was pregnant!! A few months after our first anniversary, I couldn't take it anymore. I finally decided to do it. To get the weight back off. I had to start slowly and couldn't believe how out of shape I'd gotten. My twin brother was the worst of the offenders about my weight(brothers are like that I guess!) Anyway, You have caught yourself slipping, within months after your wedding, that's good!! The first step is to realize that you're slipping and you have!! Good for you!! I was in denial for a year. You'll get back to where you want to be Candori, take it slow and easy. We're all rooting for you!! I know you can be where you want to be. Just be paitent and forgiving to yourself. I'm now at a healthy weight for my height, even though I don't weigh what I did when I got married, I feel great anyway!! Focus on how you feel at diffent weights! If you're real tired(being too thin or overweight) then that's not good. Focus on health and tell your father that this a lifelong journey, and there are bound to be a few bumps along the way. And also tell how much you appericate his concern(this part here is full of sarcasm!), but not to worry because you're healthy and that's what counts most!


Aimee
 
Sometimes family members don't think....

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-15-00 AT 09:52AM (Est)[/font][p]....that they have to be polite or be courteous to other family members. That's a REAL big pet peeve of mine. I see nothing at all wrong with coming back with a "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?" or "Isn't the pot calling the kettle black?" Or,my personal favorite, "Thanks for the opinion. I don't remember asking for it." Or, just plain....."I don't appreciate unkind remarks like that. I would NEVER say anything hurtful like that to you." Just ignore me.....I AM very brassy and WOULD indeed respond to those unkind remarks like that!!!!!:-mad:-mad:-mad:-mad

Now that I've gotten that off my chest.....let's address how to get you back on track. Let's be POSITIVE! You CAN do it! My advice would be to take baby steps and begin with a little goal, like a 5 lb. weight loss, a tweeked exercise program. You didn't share with us if you'd let your exercise lag along with the slacked-off eating.

I always plan on exercising more (especially more cardio) when I know I'm going to be eating more. Then, maybe just trying tiny bites of every goody instead of big slabs of cake and such. You don't need to deprive yourself, just do some big-time planning. It would be a mistake to try to NOT eat goodies at these parties...just try to eat less, and eat smart. I am the biggest pig when it comes to sweets, but I have set limits for myself. We can ALL do it, and we are here to cheer you on.

Boy, I wrote a lot for me, but I am very passionate about positive support and encouragement. There is NO excuse for unkindness, not matter WHO we are talking about, family member or not.
 
Hi Candori,
My father told me one day (years ago) that I was getting too fat and should start watching my weight. Thankfully he did it when we were alone so it wasn't an embarrassing moment at least. However, those comments can hurt even if done nicely as my father intended his comment to be. One good thing did come of his comment, I got pissed off and lost 10 lbs (over the next 2 or 3 months). Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. For some reason, people we are related to think they can say those things. The only person that I didn't get hurt by was my great-grandmother (she was in her 80's and her mind was almost gone). She used to tell me that I was bigger than a barrell and that she wasn't even that big when she was 9 months pregnant. She's dead and gone now, and today I wish she was here to tell me that I am bigger than ever. But nobody, NOBODY else can get away with that!! So nobody else even try! HaHa
I'm babbling. Just ignore those comments. We all gained after just getting married. Heck, that just means you're happy. The people we should worry about are those that don't gain after their wedding, right? Hang in there and enjoy your holidays.
Lisa Seymour
 
Feeling better already

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful and incredibly encouraging comments. You are all correct about my father's comment. I have been scrutinized by both of my parent SO much that I just assume it's okay. And, of course, it's not.

Keep in mind, I am in NO WAY overweight. In fact, I am very petite and my father is probably a big reason why I am so hard on myself. Since I can remember, I have chalked up my parents negative comments to the fact that they want to encourage me, but they don't realize how much it hurts and how much I struggle. I don't know that I can change them...but I can certainly change how I react.

As I mentioned in my first post, I have yo-yo'd so much that I think I'm going insane. Maybe the pressure they put on me is part of the reason that my weight swings so drastically.

I especially appreciate the comments geared to helping me get back on track. You are right, I did it before and I CAN do it again. I need to find that magic formula that I can LIVE WITH...rather than the extremes that I used to get in super shape for the wedding. I would love to be a healthy and happy person rather than struggle to stay a size 2. It's about setting goals and getting a routine together that is going to really work for a LIFETIME...and not just for a wedding dress.

Thanks again for all the encouragement. I've made a few steps in the right direction already...I politely declined our office's sugar-laden goodies this morning for some yogurt and fruit. I'm drinking my water and taking control again. Day by day I will get on track.

I am so thankful for Cathe (yes, I have continued my workouts...just not with the same zeal and dedication) and this forum. I feel lucky to have found a place with such thoughtful and supportive people to share my feelings.
 
RE: Feeling better already

Good! Glad you're feeling better! We Do, in fact, teach people how to treat us by allowing the hurtful comments to go on unchecked. It's not necessary to get nasty necessarily, just very firm. Be a broken record if you have to, and the negative behavior will stop, hopefully, since your relatives will not be getting the reaction from you that they expect.

I grew up with a grandfather who always made cutting remarks to my grandmother about her weight. He died, and then SHE started making the same type of remarks to my son, who has a weight problem. He puts up with it because he thinks he has to, even tho' his fiesty mother tries to get him to tell her to knock it off!!!

By the way, I gained about 20 lbs. after I got married the first time (during the FIRST Nixon administration!), and really struggled to get it off. It wasn't until I discovered exercise (thanks to husband #2- during the Bush administration - Bush, Sr. of course) that I got my weight really under control.

Now it's the dawn of the SECOND Bush administration, and you have US, and the magic of video classes like Cathe's!!! All I had was Jack LaLanne! You are SO lucky, so get busy and get back in shape!!! ;-) We will be GENTLY encouraging you.
 
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