Help with ED

K

Kat25

Cathlete
I am hesitating right now if I should ask for
advice, because I know all the anwers......(I think)
I guess I just want to share...and see if anybody else can relate

I am trying to hava a baby and I feel really horrible
about what I have done this week. I have been bulimic
since I was 14 but I have been doing really well for the past
4 years. I did it on my own, which took a LOT of hard work.
There were days where I slipped but I got up again.
This time its different. I have that type of personality that
constantly worries about things that can't be controlled and am
always paranoid when others wouldn't. (I have been told this.)

My doctor suggested that I take antidepressant pills (again - tried
one type 5yrs ago and didn't work).

I have pulled myself out of depression and out of bulimia.
I guess I just got scared of what I have done this week and
am scarred that I will harm the baby.

Oh I don't make any sense. Did anybody go through this?
Maybe I did it because I'm scarred to have a baby. I'm not pregnant yet but if I will be I know that I will not do anything
to hurt it.

I check the board every day for the past two years. I respect most
of your opinions and they have helped me a lot with other issues that
some others have brough up.

Thank you

Kathy
 
Kathy, I personally don't have experience with eating disorders, but I want to tell you how much I admire you for overcoming bulimia on your own. I know it takes a very strong person to do that.

You see, you have proven that you are a strong person, and that you can control bulimia. I think that if you become pregnant, your desire to have a healthy child will provide all the incentive you need to stay out of depression and bulimia. BUT I would also tell your doctor about your history, since some women do suffer from depression during and after pregnancy. That way, your doctor can help you through any difficult times you might face.

I also do not have any children, and I can't blame you for being scared to have your first one. But I have also seen many first-time mothers, including my sister, who find it to be an incredibly rewarding experience. Yes, my sister is also one of those who experienced post-partum depression, but that didn't lessen her joy one bit about having such a wonderful child.

Are you married? If so, have you talked to your husband about your feelings? I do think it's important for the couple to go through the pregnancy together.

I don't know what else is going on in your life that might have triggered another encounter with bulimia. If you think there's somethign else, please let us know, and I know everyone will do whatever they can to help.

I can't tell you not to worry. But I can tell you that friends and family are a big help when you are worried. Talk to them too. And please take care!
 
Kathy,

While I cannot relate to what you are going through...I do think I understand.

I think that what is important here is that you do recognize that you have a problem and I think it is very wise for you to give this matter serious thought before becoming pregnant. While you wouldn't do anything to harm the baby, I think this is the opportunity for you to commit to giving up this bad habit once and for all especially if you're considering having a baby. But don't just do it for the baby, do it for yourself.

You have done quite well on your own and while you have controlled the habit somewhat...you had not addressed the under-lying issue. The reason behind why this is a problem for you. Until you can address and deal with that issue...I'm not sure if you can truly move forward...baby or not.

With that said...you will be in my prayers. It is my prayer that you can conquer this habit so that you have a healthy, happy and prosperous life. You will never be able to control everything...none of us will. You have to just strive to be the best YOU that YOU can be.

Good luck to you...


~Marietta
FITXME
http://www.picturetrail.com/fitxme
 
Thank you so much for your kind words Shannon.
Yes I am married for about a year now (but have
been with him for 9yrs). I love him so much I don't
want to hurt him AGAIN. We are so excited about this
and I don't want to bring this up.

Shelley:
I threw up twice. (This is so hard to say.....I am
so ashamed you have no idea)

Kathy
 
Kathy - I believe that if your husband truly loves YOU, he will want to help you as much as possible. If you were sick with... say, pneumonia, for example... or if you broke your leg... you know he'd help you as much as he could, right? I certainly hope he would. This is the same thing. You have a problem and you need his support. Please, please don't hide it from him.
 
Kathy -

Just want to send you good thoughts. I really don't have any life altering advice, but want you to know there are alot of people here who will support you in any way we can. Be open with your DH and your doctors, and realize it is not a shame-thing. Your husband should support & help you because he loves you &, well, it's the dr.'s job to support & help you (& if the doc doesn't get another doc).

I for one applaud your concern. You are not "leaping before you look". You will not be one of those mothers who has a child for the wrong reasons. Just get yourself together & you'll have all the love & mothering ability you need to give your child.

Sending best wishes:)
 
Kathy:

I know how horribly difficult this must be for you. First, please don't let your small setback this week get you too down. The road is never straight and sometimes it doubles back on itself. We just have to make sure we get ourselves back on track:)

You say that you've overcome this by yourself and you mention your doctor, but you don't say whether you've seen any mental health professionals in relation to your disordered eating. If you haven't, I think that's an avenue you should explore. It's really tremendously helpful. I know it made a huge difference for me.

And though you say this is hard on your husband, he did commit to you "in sickness and in health". He loves you and I'm sure he'd be supportive.

It's always easy to revert back to our old behaviours in times of stress. I know I find myself doing it too. I think that you really need to figure out what's motivating your behaviour. It's the only way to really get to the root of the problem and solve it once and for all.

Anytime you need help, or to talk, or someone to vent to, we're here. And you can always PM me if you want:)
 
You guys are amazing. It is so weird how some positive
and kind words can make a person feel. Just this morning
I was feeling so low and you all made me feel so much
better. Thank you.

Shannon:
The reason I don't want to tell him is because there
is nothing he can do about it. If this happens again then
I will definitely tell him, as I don't want to jeopardize
my baby's health.

Marietta & Shelley:

I know I should see someone other than a regular doctor.
Its just I was doing good, really good and I thought that
it was over with. I'm usually a happy, joyful person......
its some days that are not so yellow. (I'm talking about just being
sad)

I think I came so far, I will get up again. Especially now
that I have a big reason to. You know this "small setback" was
not a big deal but it just scared me that this will start all
over again. I guess I needed to hear that it was Just a "small setback". This is why I came here to post.
Thank you very much,

Kathy
 
Kathy,

I agree with what Shelley said. I don't believe that one can truly conquer an eating disorder. It will be with you for your entire life which means that there will be bad times. The key is to make the bad times as short and infrequent as possible. Don't let the bad times turn into worse times.

Changes in a person's life are always stressful, even good ones. It is OK to worry about motherhood and pregnancy. It is a big deal! When that urge to let yourself go and binge rears its head, physically stop right where you are, and picture yourself going through the entire process of bingeing, purging, and cleaning up. What will you have gained at the end of all of that? The uncertainty of what lies ahead will still be there, but you will be less equipped to deal with it.

Please don't think that setbacks take away from all that you have accomplished in the last four years. You are strong and can get back on track again. We will help you any way we can. :)
 
I say this with kindness and concern. You may come here for support and feel better but I really think you need to speak with your husband and seek out professional help. I have NO experience with this but keeping this a secret (like anything we hide) is not healthy and the road to recovery (long term and permanent) is to not hide but seek out help. The reasons for sharing with your husband and seeking help outdo the reasons to hide it from him. This is my humble opinion and I wish you well.
Angela
 
Angela,

I'll see how things go. I haven't done
this for so long that I don't want to
start something that is unnecessary.

I have always been honest with him about
everything. I don't think of it as hiding
something from him. I just don't want him
to worry all over again. Its even more
difficult for the other person because they
feel so helpless in these situations.

I went to see a family doctor with him about this
long time ago. That's when I stopped. So he knows
everything about my past. I don't know if I mentioned
that.

Kathy
 
Kat,
It sounds like you have been doing a great job of dealing with your eating disorder. I was anorexic as a teenager and to this day, when things get stressful I find myself starting to count calories again. My point is that you must be experiencing some significant stress in your life that caused your ED to rear its head again this week. If you deal well with the stress, hopefully your ED will fade away again. I do think that ridding oneself of an ED is one of the most difficult things to do. I read that it actually involves changing your brain chemistry, which takes a long time to achieve. Like others here, I would strongly suggest engaging the service of a counselor just to help you to continue doing well. I don't think that counselors are only for emergencies. In fact, I think they can help a lot more when things are status quo.
-Nancy
 
Take it from a person who had an eating disorder, maybe you would be better served by getting professional help for your depression and ED. Life is tough enough dealing with these 2 issues even before you add a child to the equation. And they are especially tough issues to try to "cure" yourself.

Have you thought about how you may handle the weight gain that naturally comes with pregnancy? This may prove to very difficult for you.
Just Do It! :)
 
Hi Kathy,
I sent you a PM. You and sound like we have similiar situations. While I have not had an episode while I have been pregnant, I certainly can relate-
 
Hi there - My thoughts are with you. I've struggled with disordered eating and have faith that you can get better. I'm currently seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and movement therapy. Part of the process is learning to ask for help, so good for you for reaching out on this board. You don't have to do this alone. Keep seeking that sense of presence and faith in your self, and ask for help.

A *combination* of being honest with a therapist I trust, honoring my spiritual faith, reading education/inspirational eating disorder books, and *being ready to opt for the good life help me on my journey.

A huge part is to learn to combine the behaviorial and emotional aspects. You might have to work on one before the other, or a combination. Please know EVERYONE is different. Do what works for you in areas of your behaviors and feelings...it'll all come together, and you'll feel so much better about balancing your lifestyle -- in physical and emotional health. As you already know, it's a BIG journey. Two steps forward, one step back. Like an onion's layers being peeled away, bit by bit. OR, and upwards spiral (my fave analogy).

I'm learning to accept my positive parts AND my negative parts -- we're just complex, so don't beat yourself up. Learn and practice being gentle with yourself. You can do it. Find that sense of caring for yourself inside, and you're on your way!

I look at *any* emotional/psychological struggle as a search for your own sense of self. So, it made sense when I found the actual book titled: Sensing the Self, Women's Recovery from Bulimia: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0674010116/102-7739199-7734514?v=glance&n=283155 -- A wealth of encouragement from women who have taken the precious steps to heal themselves.

And, one last thing -- to you and anyone else reading, know that you DO matter. I used to think I was just a little obsessive over my habits, but I soon realized it was just masking other areas of my life that needed attention. I'm happily on my way -- not perfect -- but, know that just because YOU are YOU, you deserve the best.

Message me back to this thread if you wanna talk more...I don't check my PMs on this board...I can if you want more info.

Best to you.
 
Nancy & Honeybunch,

Thank you for your advice. I promise if I mess up again, I will
tell my husband which will lead to an appointment with a councelor
or whatever my doctor prescribes. I promise this to myself.
I want that baby so much that I believe it will not
be possible for me to be so selfish to do a thing like that while
I'm pregnant.

My family doctor referred me to a psychiatrist before but
of course I didn't go. I found Cathe and exercising has helped
me so much. He said I have improved a lot but would still
like me to go.

Ruppie I sent you a PM.

Thanks

Kathy
 
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