Thanks for the support!
I sincerely appreciate all the sharing you have given to me. I know that pets are so important on different levels to people. Some folks just love them as pets, and for others, it goes deeper to true soul mates and part of the blood relations.
My puppy looked and acted like a puppy until he died. He was a gold and white shih tzu and he was also a good part cat in spirit. We called him a "dat."
He was severly abused the first year of his life and it took me 5 years to get him to trust the world again. It was a joy to see him lose his fear of people and enjoy being a dog. He helped me through a painful divorce and he was just so THERE, despite his naughty moments.
The hardest part was that when I got divorced, I was in school and working full time AND going to the gym. So he was alone from 6 am until 12 midnight, and I had no time for him. I came home every night and found him hiding behind our couch just waiting for me. SOOO, 6 months before he died, I adopted him out to my best friends with a new baby. They were working opposite shifts so he was home every day with his humans. I saw him 3-4 days a week. They took him camping, hiking, and to pet day events. He was so very happy, and loved. But when he stroked out, I wasn't there. He hung on for a few weeks, because Stew was home at the time. The vet said in normal circumstances, he would have just died if he was alone. But Stew held him and cried and hugged him and talked to him, and the little bugger came back.
I had told my friends I really wanted to be there if he had to be put down, but when it actually happened, it was so quick that my friend decided it would be cruel to the dog to make him wait for me since he was in so much pain.
Well, my friend was waiting to tell me until she could tell me in person. A week had gone by, and her husband thought I knew. He mentioned the day to my boyfriend, who also thought I knew. I found out by an off-hand remark a week later. I guess I just didn't let myself go beserk, because I buried the pain and the guilt and just figured, well, he was after all a dog.
So anyway, that's my story. It was very helpful to hear your stories and feel that my grief is not abnormal and that even after all this time it is ok to feel so sad about it.
Thanks again.