Do you ever feel incredibly loney?

"I've read before that your true life-long, best friends are made by the time you're in high school or college"

Well, I know that this isn't true, because I met some women just this year who have quickly become the best friends I've ever had.:) It's too bad they live so far away from mex(
 
I think everyone feels lonely sometimes. I am an introvert, and I often feel lonely as well due to difficulties in making new friends. I always remind myself of what a great life I have in order to "snap" out of my feeling sorry for myself. This will pass, just remind yourself of that....
 
I honestly don't know if I am an extrovert or introvert. I do really well one on one with people and I can get up on stage and sing for 100 people without batting an eye. I think that I act a certain way with some people and that may not be who I really am. Not that I am a phony, but I just always feel pressure to be someone that I am not. As far as best friends, I have to agree with Shelley. I have 3 best friends that I made just in the last couple of years who I feel totally comfortable with and I never felt that way with my high school friends. I am so glad that there has been such a response to this topic. It really makes me feel so much better hearing you guys talk about this with me. I think I need to more true to myself and really be who I am and not who I think I should be. Gosh, I am starting to sound like some mushy emotional woman. Sorry about that.:)


Susan
 
Susan, it just sounds like you've been listening to Oprah!! ;-)

High school?? HIGH SCHOOL?!?!? I don't communicate with ANYONE from high school! In fact, I don't talk to any of my college friends! I've changed 180 degrees since then!


Angie
 
Yes I feel incredibly lonely a lot of the time. I'm an introvert, which I define as recharging myself through quiet times at home (note at bottom about this). I've also had few friends throughout my life because of frequent moves, and I'm not especially close to my family (both parents have passed on and my siblings aren't my age). So spending a lot of time on my own is not new to me. Sometimes I'm fine with my social lackings, other times I feel a crushing loneliness that I can hardly bear.

I'm lucky enough to have a DH and 2 wonderful kids, but the loneliness still rears it's head because friends are so hard to find. I work at home so I hardly ever get out, and I live in (worse, I'm an outsider in) a small and tight town, where everyone is outwardly very friendly but most have little use for me beyond a casual acquaintance.

Lately I find the lonliness worse when our pop-culture gets to me. TV (which I rarely watch) and books (which are part of my life) so often seem to focus on unrealistic friendships and relationships. Is this because it's what everyone really wants? fantasizes about? I used to think that *everyone but me* had the life of Friends the TV show. In reality no one (beyond college) has that life. People get so busy with the demands of life an commitments that it gets hard to find the time to cultivate friendships. I feel too like others have already filled their friend quota, and don't need or have time for any more. This makes me feel very lonely.

This quote of Sues: "I've read before that your true life-long, best friends are made by the time you're in high school or college." I don't think it's true but I think it happens a lot. That's because it's a time before the demands of a job, a family, a home, that leave so little time for doing things with other people that lead to good friendships.

Also... I define an introvert as needing to recharge using quiet time, and an extrovert needing to recharge with friends, so I'm disagreeing with candi's quote: (sorry candi ;-))
"Maybe the difference is introvert personalities versus extrovert personalities. I am an extrovert by nature and interface with people all day long on the phone and person. I use a lot of energy doing so. When I get home, I recharge by sharing with DH and reveling in the peace and quiet."

It doesn't matter what you have to do all day, it's what you choose when your battery is down and needs to be charged, so I would call candi an introvert, even though she spends her day with lots of people. I am definately an introvert, but that doesn't mean that I don't need close relationships with others in my life.
 
>High school?? HIGH SCHOOL?!?!? I don't communicate with ANYONE
>from high school! In fact, I don't talk to any of my college
>friends! I've changed 180 degrees since then!

Me either! I don't talk to ANYONE from my high school days, and that was less that 10 years ago. :eek:
 
Same here, Angie. I used to keep up with one of my friends from high school but we're so different from each other now that we really don't have much to say to each other anymore.

Michele
 
Are you a SAHM? I could see how that might be isolating. Your kids aren't going to give you the mental stimulation that you get from peers and, I don't know about you and your husband, but mine and I don't always have very much to talk about. We know everything that's going on in each other's lives, so there's no news to share.

I think that maybe you should get some outside relationships. My priest told us before we got married that we'd have to do that or we'd never grow, since DH and I are the exact same personality type.
 
You know that quote might have even been a line in a movie! It's something I heard a long time ago that kind of stuck with me.

I think it's great that you guys have made great friends since high school. I, too, have made some great friends since school - it just seems harder and harder to make really good friends and create those special bonds that friends have.

Part of it also could be everyone's busy schedule. I know I've caught myself saying "I would have called but I know how busy you are". Stupid, because as busy as I am I would always make time to talk to a friend. Maybe it's our busy lives in general that makes it tough to find and make new friends...

Sue
 
I don't think that introverts are the only ones who experience this. I am an extrovert and, precisely because of that, I am always hungry for more. I feel the need to be "adhered" to a special someone (God perhaps)and to everybody, to find similarities and affinity...some times I create them when there apparently aren't any. Also, even when you find affinity in other people, that doesn't necessarily mean that they also appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. So, they may be important to you but they may take it "lightly" and that is somewhat painful sometimes.
 
Ducky,

My Myers Briggs Personality Assessment rated me twice as an ENFP which is: Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive. I rated in the middle in the Extrovert range. And I am very outgoing and gregarious by nature. I have a hard time NOT speaking my mind.

DH and I are opposites. He is the Introvert. But we seem to fill each's needs for social interaction. We work for the same company and eat lunch together almost every day. After work we talk about our day and the fact we know alot of the same people helps. My husband is different in that he is big on communication and loves to debate issues. I can talk to him like one of the girls and he will actually listen. He provides excellent feedback when I need it and even when I don't.

I used to feel extremely lonely with my X. We had nothing in common...he was a guy's guy. On top of that, he was never home
anyway.

Don't know where I'm going with all this. But, no, I don't feel lonely like I used to. Loneliness can be painfull...at least it was for me.
 
I felt very lonely during marriage years, every time I asked my ex, "I want you to be my friend" he will reply: Jesus is your friend.
Well, divorce came along and those who read my web, I am better off now, the loneliness that I experience today is due to the Empty Nest Syndrome, 3 of my children left for good, they work and go to college.. they want to try living alone, experience life alone... so I gave them my blessing.
Now is just a loneliness that comes to me at nites, when I am in bed, I think of them, how come years passed by so soon???? I used to be a mom, behind baby bottles and changing diappers, cooking for them and watching together Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, all that now is in the past, leaving me with a hole in my womb, life just snatched them out from me. (Sigh)

Norma

http://www.geocities.com/norma123nyc/Mygreatjourney.html

http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/df/success/chavez.html
 
I'm definitely an introvert, at least until I have a couple of glasses of wine and then I'm the life of the party. Well, in my own mind I am. I'm so reserved in public normally that my "girl gone wild" is to inititate a conversation with a complete stranger in the buffet line :p

I've spent a lot of years feeling ashamed of being an introvert. I've always felt like I *should* want to go out and whoop it but really, I'd often just as soon stay home with DH, where it's safe....

Sparrow

___________________
www.scifichics.com
 
Susan-
I'm no expert, and Candi can jump in here, but my understanding is that extroverts are energized by being with others, whereas introverts may be very socially adept, but need time to themselves in order to "recharge" and re-energize before they can get out there again.

I am a true introvert. I can get out there and be as social as anyone, but I can't do it 2 days in a row. If I'm invited to an event on both Saturday and Sunday, for example, I choose the most important one and pass on the other because I know that I'll be on "empty" by day 2.

I do think that this affects loneliness, because there is a limit to how much time an introvert can spend with other people. I know I frequently feel torn between wanting to be with people but needing my down time.

You can find out more about your personality by taking the Myers-Briggs (did I get that right?) personality test. I'll find the website for you and post it.

-Nancy
 
Hey Candi:

I think it us Ns that just love that stuff. I'm a VERY strong EN..
and the others change

was a T last time an F..

I'm a J at work - but a P by nature.

I'll have to take it again and see what i get. thx
 
I know you do, and I couldn't agree more. I'm home sick today, so I think I'm going take the test again.
 

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