Children invited or not invited to wedding - etiquette

Dutchie,

Are Dutch/European weddings more family oriented?

They used to be in the US, but things have really changed over the past 20 or so years. My wedding was crawling with kids--didn't bother us at all. They played, ran around, danced. We enjoyed it. I'm of Italian ancestry and we're a family friendly bunch.

Anymore, people have what they call "destination" weddings, or they have elaborate black tie affairs. It's kind of a drag really.

Michele
 
Well, my daughter has decided to not put anything about leaving kids out on the invitation. She and her fiance don't feel strongly enough about leaving them out to do so, and want the few people that do have kids to attend. She said that if any RSVP's come back with notes that kids are attending, she'll deal with it then by getting a sitter or something that can keep them busy. The venue is small and it's not a good setting for kids to run around in.

I think it got to the point where it's a matter of expending too much energy worrying about these 2 potentially naughty kids and it's time to move on. So, I'll back her up since that's her decision and we'll make it work. Thanks again for all the sage advice.

P.S. Just an add-on comment. I'm only in my early 40's, but still I notice a major difference in the way children are being taught and disciplined compared to when I was a child and even how I raised my daughter. I and my daughter were taught to act like young ladies when we were at a restaurant,etc. and now it seems like I see the younger generation allowing their children to misbehave and act disrespectfully. I think that is the only gripe I would have with kids at events, is that parents aren't taking responsbility for them. That's just me.
 
Yep, even babies are there.

And it's always very informal, jeans etc are very well acceptable (actually, this applies to funerals too, incl. the kids).
 
>P.S. Just an add-on comment. I'm only in my early 40's, but
>still I notice a major difference in the way children are
>being taught and disciplined compared to when I was a child
>and even how I raised my daughter. I and my daughter were
>taught to act like young ladies when we were at a
>restaurant,etc. and now it seems like I see the younger
>generation allowing their children to misbehave and act
>disrespectfully. I think that is the only gripe I would have
>with kids at events, is that parents aren't taking
>responsbility for them. That's just me.


You are dead on!! Kids today only no how to behave at a McDonald's Playland!

Michele
 
That's my opinion exactly! I grew up in a large Irish/Italian family where there was always a bevy of kids at every event. It was great!! We kids were not perfect but we certainly knew how to behave. Sadly that does not seem to be the case today. I didn't want kids at my wedding simply because I didn't want to deal with the whining, the fussing, the tantrums, the screaming, the general wreaking of havoc etc. And I'm not talking about babies or toddlers, here. No one expects a two year old to have all the social behaviors down pat. I'm talking about the 6,7,8 year olds and older. It really does make me sad, because I have gone from being someone who used to work with kids to someone who, in restaurants, requests that I be seated away from children, because I don't want my night out ruined.

As willie wonka says though, I can't really blame the kids.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I'm just going to add one more thing to this: we recently got back the proofs from my stepson's wedding, and the photographers were great. But the absolutely best pics of the bride and groom and everyone else had my DIL's baby niece in them. I think it's because of the natural, joyful expressions on people's faces when they are with a baby. That baby just brought everyone to life and was the belle of the ball!

-Nancy
 
Elaine, I guess it's easy to like kids when you don't have any. LOL!!:D I don't know how nice I'd be if I actually had to live with a kid day in and day out.
 
RE: Children invited or not invited to wedding - etique...

>P.S. Just an add-on comment. I'm only in my early 40's, but
>still I notice a major difference in the way children are
>being taught and disciplined compared to when I was a child
>and even how I raised my daughter. I and my daughter were
>taught to act like young ladies when we were at a
>restaurant,etc. and now it seems like I see the younger
>generation allowing their children to misbehave and act
>disrespectfully. I think that is the only gripe I would have
>with kids at events, is that parents aren't taking
>responsbility for them. That's just me.

So true...and unfortunately, we have absolutely no control over how the parents of the children are going to behave at the event as well (even though we know how they were raised).

I do hope your event is wonderful. Just be prepared for the unexpected and it's okay to keep your sense of humour because it will truly save the day!;-)

Robin:9
 
I'm picturing a cherubic child with the new bride and groom in your case, which sounds lovely. . . in our case this little boy is the type to hit another child or step on somebody's toe on purpose.
 
Sure you'd be nice! You're nice to your DH and you live with him day in and day out. God knows they're harder to put up with than children!:)
 
I have an Emily Post Etiquette book at my office. I am not there now but if you want to know, I can look it up for you early next week! If you want to know, PM me just in case I don't make it back to this thread :)

My opinion is that is the day of the bride and groom and whatever their choice, that is the answer. In my family, kids are almost always invited. Some of my relatives actually chose not to attend if their kids are not invited. That being said, some others choose not to invite and actually cut out their own neices and nephews, etc.

I think that it's personal preference...but that of the bride and groom rather than the invitees. As long as your daughter undersatnds that some might not attend as a result, b/c that is their personal preference, saying "adults only please" seems fine to me.
 
Your wedding is about you not about people and their kids. I had "adults only" on my invitation and we had a great day. Unfortunately, I really feel most "modern" parents just don't teach there children how to behave in public. I made the decision to have "adults only" at my wedding when someone's little darling grabbed huge hunk out of a friends wedding cake. The parents thought it was hysterical... the bride cried.


KIM
 
Just be sure you get the very latest edition of Emily Post, written with the bratty kids of today in mind! An edition written in the 60's or 70's may not have discouraged kids at weddings given that kids were expected to behave then more so than they are today!

I watch these "Nanny" shows that are on now, and I'm just amazed!
Just Do It! :)
 
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