Are you surviving your teenager?

G

gym_mom

Cathlete
Ok - this is to all current and past parents of teenagers - am I the only one who now understands why some wild animals eat their young? I swear, there are days when my 14 yo DD is purposely trying to send me to a psych ward. I told my DH that God makes teenagers this way so that you WANT them to move out.

My DD entered the living room while talking on the phone with a new friend. It's 9:15pm. She looks at DH and me and asks, "Can I go bowling with John?". The details we had to drag out of her were:
- yes, right now, she wants to go bowling from now to midnight
- with John (who we don't know and we don't know his parents either)
- and John's brother, who is on break from college
- and his brother's friend.

This was asked by an intelligent (honor roll all four semesters), athletic, responsible 14 yo. Oh, yeah - the 14 yo part. That explains it. (We said NO in case you were wondering).

What have your teens done or said that have just about driven you to the edge? I just want to know that I'm not alone. I need to know there's hope.

Claude


"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
Not a parent here, but I bet that when you said, "no" you got: "You never let me have any fun! I hate you!"

Sorry, I have witnessed many of these types of tantrums, but like I said, not a parent here.

Sorry, no words of wisdom/hope here, just moral support!
 
I think our exact words were "And what part of that did you think we'd say yes to?'' We got the exasperated eye roll, the major sigh and she turned on her heel and didn't speak to us for the rest of the night.

We've gotten the "you never let me have any fun/do what I want to" comments before. My DH and I usually high five each other and say something along the lines of "and it only took her 14 years to figure it out!". It doesn't generally go over that well with her, but it helps us. :D

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
OMG, there are too many stories to share. Several of them center around the self-proclaimed witch he dated for a couple of years. I have a now 25 yo son and I do not know how we raised him to adulthood. Between his stupid pranks and my desire to strangle him, it is a miracle he's living.

But guess what, my mother loves to remind me that in a couple or so years, I'll have 3 teenage boys in the house all at once.:eek: I'm joining a wine of the month club and stocking up!
 
Hey claude,

I have boy/girl twins who are 14yo.My gosh it is trip huh? I know exactly where you are coming from with the wanting to go out with people you don't even know. Yes my DD says I am unfair and still live old fashion! Can you imagine that?

I don't get much asking from my son,cause he is not much on going places just yet. My DD is another story. She loves to spend the night with friends and socialize. I know the friends she spends the night with and most of them have strict parents also.

Their age has been rough for me already and my mother said that I might as well buckle up and enjoy the ride! I wonder if she is in the background laughing!;-)

I was told one day that if your kids went through their teenage lives and didn't dislike you sometimes,you weren't doing something right!

It took me a while to really know what that meant.


kim
 
>We've gotten the "you never let me have any fun/do what I want
>to" comments before. My DH and I usually high five each other
>and say something along the lines of "and it only took her 14
>years to figure it out!". It doesn't generally go over that
>well with her, but it helps us. :D


Ha! I'm going to have to steal this one! This is my theory of child-rearing in a nutshell! Keeping it light does seem to help. Hey, try this. After they throw a fit like that, walk over very quietly and give 'em a little kiss right on the top of the head, then say, "I love you, anyway." They REALLY hate that!

Shari
 
My DS is nearly 15. He is still fairly immature (thank god for late onset puberty in boys, lol) so he doesn't ask to do a lot of stuff he knows I'd shoot down. BUT he is definitely on the hormonal roller coaster. He gets so upset over every perceived infraction that it would be funny if it wasn't so aggravating. At least twice a day we have this conversation:

Me: What is wrong with you?
Him: (stomping, hands on hips, voice cracking) I DON'T KNOW! I'M JUST REALLY ANGRY! DON'T ASK ME WHY I'M ANGRY! I'M JUST ANGRY!

lol

I feel for him. The teen years are rough. I'm hoping we get through relatively unscathed.

Marie
 
I just have 1 thing to say....
It gets worse before it gets better...
Wouldn't it be nice to put a bug and tracking device on a teenager so you know what they are doing 24-7.

The independent attitude has begun.
The i am not a child .
The, you did it...
(That is exactally why you aren't)
I wrote the book...
I was lucky though , my dd told me everything.

Just try to remember when you were a teenager..
Anne
http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
 
We've been lucky so far and the teenage years haven't been too bad (my oldest ds is 15 1/2).

My favorite response to my kids when they tell me that everyone else is allowed do something that they aren't is that I must love them more than their friends' parents love their kids. They don't like that answer, but it reminds them that I'm only acting out of love for them. I also point out that it would be much, much easier for me to just give in to their requests so that I wouldn't have to put up with their pouting and grumbling, so I must really love them a lot to care about their welfare so much that I would expose myself to that and make everyone temporarily miserable.

My friend's teenage daughter is another story - she's just vicious to her mom when she doesn't get her way. My older 3 are boys and I can't see them ever acting like that. My dd is almost 4 years old and she already has a lot of attitude - I'm wondering if she'll be as tough as my friend's daughter is as a teenager.

Good luck!

Erica
 
My daughters are 17, 15 and 12, some days when there friends are here I feel like I'm drowning in teenagers. I try to be the fly on the wall but once in a while I can't help but interject. My 17 year old Elizabeth is okay now but gave me a LOT of grief for about a year and a half, she actually looks at me as if I'm human now (no eyes rolling around in her head). It was crazy making stuff for me, one minute she'd regard me as the devil mother from Hell, the next minute she was sweet and calling me Mommy again. I was given a nice bit of wisdom from a Mom who has survived teens, she shook her head and said to me with much empathy, 'you just have to remember that their brains and their bodies aren't attached yet:) My 15 year old Marley has been pretty good compared to Elizabeth *knock wood*. I'm bracing myself for the little one though, she's been watching and learning from her big sisters and acts much differently than Elizabeth did at that age (birth order makes such a HUGE difference). Faith came to me after an evening of observing me discilplining my older 2 for breaking curfew and pushing the boundries and with her wide innocent eyes said "they're not setting very good examples for me"...... time will tell.......we WILL SURVIVE!!!:)

Take Care
Laurie
 
I have a soon-to-be 16 year old son. As a single mom, he actually has been pretty good. He's not one to go hang out at the mall or friend's houses; although, he goes quite often with a friend (who races) and his dad to the races. My mom and I just cancelled our trip to Tennessee due to financial reasons and cost of gas; my son's response: "You and my dad just don't want me to have any fun!".
Patti
 
My DD is 19 and so far we have survived. I do believe that during the last couple of years of high school they do things that make the moving on to college or out on their own easier. I couldn't even count how many times I left a room after a discussion with her where I would close the door and make a kicking motion with my foot, muttering under my breath, "I can't wait til you move out" Don't get me wrong, DD & I have a pretty good relationship, we just get on each other's nerves sometimes. Her lastest threat is if we mention to her that we're going to take the car away or not help with college if she doesn't keep her act together is this. "Well, if you blah, blah, blah, then I will move away and you will never see me or your grandkids again" Keep in mind, she doesn't even have any kids, or any plans on getting married soon, so this one just cracks me up. I just respond, that yes I would be disappointed with that decision, but right now who needs who more. Does she need us helping her out more, I think so.

The best advice I can give is stay involved. Know what they are doing on the computer. Our's tried to meet up with a boy who she "knew of, someone's cousin", but hadn't met in person when she was about 16, thanks to the computer. Know who their friends are and where they will be. Have phones of their friends parents on hand when they spend the night. We had a horrible wreck in our neighborhood involving 5 teenage boys. 2 were killed at the scene. The parents didn't even know that they were out in the car because the boys had made up stories as to whose house they were going to be at. Stay strong, and remember that the more times they say "I hate you", the better parenting you are doing. Otherwise, if you just said yes all the time, they would grow up to be spoiled little brats, that cannot function in society or worse like not being able to grow up at all due to fatal mistake(drugs, cars, bad people) that they may have encounter.


ps

My heart and prayers go out to anyone who has lost a child.
 
Melody - you can have whatever's left of my wine stock, if there is any. LOL :7

Shari - Oooh - I like that one.

Thanks for sharing everyone. For the most part, she's a great kid - one most parents would be thrilled to have. It's just these occassional bouts of "duhh" that get me. And attitude is something I only put up with to a point. I can still remember the raging hormones and how difficult it was to express my feelings at her age. Everything was so confusing to me. So I try to be understanding. But once she crosses the line, I call her on it.

We try very hard to stay involved, know her friends, keep the lines of communication open, stress the importance of respect and honesty. We're also big believers in giving her responsibility and allowing priveleges that are earned, not given. She has more chores than most of her friends, and although she needs to be reminded frequently, she generally does them and does them well.

It's been a little tougher this year because we moved to a new town. All of her school friends are new. I try to have the friends here as much as possible so that I can get to know them better. And I've got all the parent's numbers. She hates it when I call a parent to double check on a party invite she received - is there REALLY a party? will there be alcohol? will there be an adult present? But hey, that's my job.

Every now and then I see glimmers of hope. The other day she had been really b****y. I finally told her to cut it out as we hadn't done anything to deserve that treatment. At first she hid in her room, but later that night, she actually came and apologized for her mood.

Oh well, she will eventually grow up, right? In the meantime, I'll just have another glass of wine. :D


"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
We didn't have problems with teen dating before 16 years old. We told all three (one boy and two girls) the same thing, NO DATING UNTIL YOU'RE 16.

We wouldn't let them talk on the phone with the opposite sex until 16. They would have spent the time on the phone talking about how mean we were not letting them date anyway.

We set their boundaries early letting them know at what age different things would be allowed. That way they didn't bug us all the time about things they wanted to do. The trick is sticking to the age you would allow them to do things. If they talked you into letting them do something sooner that would open up the flood gates to bug you about everything else being allowed earlier.
Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile. We now have three very successful adult children that are using the same technics we used in raising their own children.

Set the boundaries early, so they know what to expect. Give them your reasons for the times you set. Let them know that their friend’s parents are NOT raising them. You are! Repeat the information often, so it will be well imbedded in their minds.
 
Awww, poor Claude and everyone else with teens. I don't have any kids, but I am very sympathetic. I was one of the worst teens of all times according to my parents. If it helps any, I grew up to hear my folks say "it was all worth it" in the end. But who knows if they were really telling the truth?

Best of luck,
Nancy
 
Yeah, I have a 13 y.o. and reading your post gave me a chuckle. It is hard to remember what it was like to be that age. But think of this: remember in college, first on your own, someone from class calls when you're studying and it's late and says "let's go do this..." and you go. Now your 14 y.o. wants to do that too. It's too early obviously in her life, but she still wants it. That's why you're there. I hope when my daughter asks for this, I chuckle instead of scream.
 
*Drags case of wine to forum and starts handing out glasses* Oh I'm so here with y'all!!! We took our two girls (13 and 17) to Hawaii. One would think they would be SOMEWHAT appreciative, wouldn't one? The first day there, I'm all excited because I signed us up for all of these cool activities. Their reaction, "Okay. What's for breakfast?" Okay, okay, they did get better, but DH was threatening to never, ever, ever (ever, ever...) take them anywhere again. Oh he was ticked. It didn't help that DD13 had a raging case of PMS the night we went to an expensive restaurant and acted like a 2 yo.

I do have to laugh because I do remember what it was like to be 16/17, and I know what stupid things we used to do. My 17 yo claims I know EVERYTHING that goes on in the house and that they cannot get away with ANYTHING! Now, I know that's not true, but I like that they think it is!

There are times when I'm tempted to just lock 'em in their rooms and not let them out until they're 25. But when they are acting human, they're pretty okay, so I do let them out every now and again...
 
>I think our exact words were "And what part of that did you
>think we'd say yes to?'' We got the exasperated eye roll, the
>major sigh and she turned on her heel and didn't speak to us
>for the rest of the night.
>
>We've gotten the "you never let me have any fun/do what I want
>to" comments before. My DH and I usually high five each other
>and say something along the lines of "and it only took her 14
>years to figure it out!". It doesn't generally go over that
>well with her, but it helps us. :D
>
>"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it
>doesn't matter." Satchel Paige

I got two, 18 year old boy and 13 year old girl. The girl is MUCH harder. Having a sense of humor is a must, and keeping an open dialog is a must. I am glad my daughter talks to me about different things, things that she is passionate about. She also(after she flares and stomps off, and then calms down) will discuss things that we feel strongly about. Of course, for me summer is easier, when school starts, that is when our big fights start....
 
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