Is there something wrong with me?

[Tammyspq]

I am 31 and pregnant with my first child, I'm 22 weeks. I'm having a homebirth and have decided not to find out the sex of my baby (lots of greens and yellows in my future! But I'm concerned that thus far, I don't have much desire to go to stores like babiesrus, don't go to Barnes and Noble to look at books on parenting and hardly read my "what to expect" book. Is there something wrong with me that I'm not being assertive in increasing my knowledge? I mean, I LOVE being pregnant and can't wait for mister-sister to arrive (that's what we call our baby since we don't know the sex). I don't feel overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I just feel like, o.k., I'll look stuff up as it comes up or interests me. Am I being obtuse?

I just feel like I should be doing more to prepare yet, I'm not really worried about it. Should I be?

 

[Fitnik]

We are all different....

...and that's absolutely fine! Do what you feel like doing and never feel obliged to do anything just because others are. This is something that I am finally learning at 28! People are very opinionated about many things including how you should feel, behave, act during your pregnancy. You are no less of a mother to be simply because you haven't bought all the baby books - just go with the flow!

HTH!!

Your friend in fitness, Fitnik

 

[Hazel]

I think your attitude is great!

First, a little story: When I announced my first pregnancy, my sister-in-law gave me about half a dozen pregnancy/parenting books of hers to read. When she left the room, my brother leaned over and whispered "You can read all the books you want now, but during the moment of truth, you'll do whatever works."

My point is that I think it's smart, especially as a first-time parent, not to have too many preconceived notions about what your baby "should" be like or what kind of parent you "should" be. After my brother's little missive, I realized that I would be better off letting my child's and my family's needs guide how I parented rather than making all kinds of ultimatums like "My child will never do X!" That's not to say that I haven't referred to a book or two since she's been here when I needed some advice. It's just that I've seen too many of my friends fret needlessly because their children weren't meeting whatever artificial milestones the books said they ought to be meeting at any particular time, or "weird" behaviors that were just their babies' personalities asserting themselves.

As for shopping, well, you may find as you get closer to delivery that your nesting instinct may make a bit of baby shopping more attractive! But one of the nice things about not knowing the baby's sex (I didn't with my first) is that you really can't go too overboard on clothes before they're born, since so many of the more fancy/expensive infant outfits (i.e, things other than onesies and T-shirts) are not exactly unisex. This actually ends up being a good thing, since they so quickly grow out of the smallest sizes (and if you have a particularly large baby, they may not even fit in the 0-3 month size stuff when you bring them home!).

Anyway, I would say not to worry about not worrying. ;-) Newborn babies have a few, specific needs that I'm sure you don't need any expert to tell you about (I mean, you're not going to diaper his/her head, right?) . The rest you can figure out as you go.

 

[bridge]

You know, I think its better to be your way than hysterical about every little thing. I've talked to women that put all their spare time and energy into the nursery and organizing clothes and diapers etc. and they have months to go still. Its like they are forgetting to enjoy the moment, as they want everything to be picture perfect when the baby gets here.(I think one can spend lots of dollars on baby stuff that is just not needed by being this way). I can understand taking care of business before the baby arrives but if your not into it..who cares. Believe me, they grow up so fast and that cute nursery soon gets changed to a cat theme room or whatever the "in" cartoon happens to be. I am more like you... whatever, as long as the little poop mister gets here in one piece, we'll figure it all out eventually.

 

[Tammyspq]

RE: I think your attitude is great!

Thanks everyone soooo much! I was starting to feel like a "bad mommy-to-be". I just feel so relaxed and am enjoy the fact that my baby moves a lot now, getting my husband to feel my (ooops...OUR) baby moving and reading weekly stuff from Storknet.com. I feel like 9 months (10 really?) is actually quite a short amount of time in the larger scheme of things that i don't want to miss BEING pregnant. I feel much better now.

ps - thanks for the tip on avoiding the head when diapering!

 

[Stebby]

I'm 26 weeks and have not (a) read books on pregnancy (I bought a few but I find they depress me, so I put them back down); (b) done any baby shopping at all; (c) done anything at all about putting together a nursery. So you're certainly not alone. There is way too much information out there, and way too much direction on how we should think/behave/feel when we're pregnant. I think when the time gets closer I'm going to get the basics (diapers, minimal clothes, bassinet) and will worry about getting a crib, change table, etc. and doing a nursery later. Maybe I'm being too laid back about this, but I don't see what the rush is, and I don't understand the need to be so completely prepared for when the baby shows up! (You'd never think that women have been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years, would you -- when you look at all the things our commercial society wants us to do to get ready.)