Has anyone read “Baby Hunger” by Sylvia Ann Hewlett?

Fitnik

Cathlete
There was an interview on UK morning tv yesterday with this lady (I think that’s her last name) following the reaction to a book she recently published in America - has anyone read it? I have ordered it although it’s not published here till the end of the month.

She basically says that many ambitious professional/career women end up postponing a personal life, including a partner and children, until it’s too late. It sounds very similar to Danielle Crittenden’s book “What our mother’s didn’t tell us”, a book I read recently.

I have certainly seen this happen time and time again in the legal profession and find it incredibly sad. I currently have a demanding job as a corporate lawyer but had always felt I wanted to have my children in my late 20s/ early 30s and will be scaling down my career during their early years, to be scaled back up again once the kids are in school. The 2 books I’ve mentioned say that women get so swept up in the whole career thing that they forget to have children! I find this so hard to understand or believe but would welcome anyone else’s views on this.

At the same time, I think if you choose not to have children at all, that is fine also and that you shouldn’t be denigrated or treated differently because of this! I find that women are constantly judged and criticised, whatever route we take.
Any thoughts anyone? I was just intrigued by this topic and wondered what you all thought.

Your friend in fitness, Fitnik
 
Hi Fitnik!

There was a story recently on the t.v. show "60 Minutes" about this topic. Basically, the studies are showing that career women believe that they will be able to have their careers and postpone having children until their late 30s and 40s. Apparently this assumption is based on women believing scientific advances enable older women to get pregnant but that in reality a woman's biological clock is the same as it's always been and the prime time for child bearing sharply decreases after age 35 due to "old eggs". Many celebrities and older women who have kids in their 40s do so by using surrogate eggs.

There have also been many recent newspaper and magazine articles on this topic. It's a bit upsetting to me as I am 37 (38 in Sept) and am just now considering trying to conceive but, due to everything I've read and seen on t.v, am convinced I will probably have a hard time. My Dr. told me last year not to wait any longer if I plan to try. However, many women on this forum posted that they got pregnant naturally in their late 30s and early 40s.

I read a quote in People magazine from actress Christina Applegate who said, when asked about having a baby, that "40 is the new 30". This is the kind of misinformation that is leaving many women childless who really want children but thought they could wait. Just one more issue for women to stress over!

I hope things are going smoothly with you and the little one and that you're feeling well. It sounds like you have a smart game plan where children and career are concerned! An attorney's work is very demanding. I'm a paralegal and the attorney I work for has 4 kids and one of the things I most admire about him is that he always puts his family first.

Keep us posted as your pregnancy progresses! :)

Lorrie
 
Raising kids in London!

Fitnik, are going to raise your kids in London? I'm chuffed! I'm in the States but my mum & I have always been intense Anglophiles! When I told her I wanted to have a kid & raise them in London (I've only been there once but I loved it!), she told me that a lot of people actually decide to move out of London once they're pregnant. I think it would be an extraordinary experience myself, I'd do it! Then again, I've heard that the phone booths are a bit less ‘cluttered' these days ;). Cheers!

As for the book and careers & the such...I work full-time right now (office assistant) but have held off having children simply because we honestly can't afford to, it's just so expensive! I decided a long time ago that if I had a kid, I'm going to quit my job so I can raise the kid myself without having to put them in daycare, what a nightmare! But alas, my husband really wants to be a daddy and he's willing to try to live on just what he makes but it's going to be tough. He hasn't pressured me though, he's smart enough to know that would only backfire, good man. Anyway, we're about to start trying, money or no. Oh yeah, he doesn't have insurance with his job. It was actually offered but the premiums ended up being more expensive than having a child, whatever! I'll be working up until the time I give birth, after that my (already minimal) insurance will stop. **Trying hard not to worry** Personally, I'm looking forward to not being cooped up inside all day! I'm also looking forward to having a more flexible schedule. I know that being a full-time mother is quite a demanding job and we won't have much money but I can't help but look forward to it.

I really don't believe that all woman should be having kids though and I'm perfectly happy for those who don't want to be mothers not to be. I just hate to see kids hurt by the fact that their mothers are (or at least seem to be) more interested in their careers than in their children. Children are an enormous investment and responsibility, not a hobby.

I do, however, think there's a lot of pressure on women to be career oriented these days. I know that a couple of my friends who have recently become mothers were really afraid of what people would think of them if they dropped their career for good, even though they really wanted to. Another friend of mine doesn't really want kids because she wouldn't be comfortable with her own self-esteem if she wasn't heavily involved in her career. She can't understand why every woman isn't as career oriented as she is and thinks all women who don't work are just lazy. Everybody is just so different in their perceptions, what a mixed bag we are! I'm not criticizing anyone here, I'm just saying that it takes a lot of variety to make the world go ‘round!
 
Good luck Lorrie. Hope your fertility level surprises you with a quick and healthy pregnancy!

I've been reading about that very thing lately, that putting it off too long doesn't always pay. Hardly seems fair for women who have been putting it off based on all that less than sound advise that's been going around in recent years.

I'd always heard that it's best to try before 35, my mum says she grew up hearing it was 30 but that was back when women weren't really expected to have a career. I forgot to mention in my other post that I'm 30 now. After everything I've been reading lately, I've been pretty motivated to just go ahead with it and see what happens.

Well, here's to healthy babies all around, and soon!
 

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