Mercurial's Official Get Healthy / Recovery Check-In Thread

Mercurial

Mercurial

Cathlete
The Cathe Nation's Official Get Healthy / Recovery Check-In Thread

Firstly, I want to say that I've changed the title of this thread from its original title (instead of "The Cathe Nation's" it was "Mercurial's). I know, I know, it's not usually good Internet manners to make changes after people have commented, but someone on my Ask Cathe thread (Janis, I think) suggested I open it to anyone who can relate --or anyone who wants to shoot for a truly healthy lifestyle. That sounds like a great idea to me, so...

If you want to join a check-in thread where the goal is not about losing weight or gaining muscle or how many miles you log (although all are wonderful side effects), but instead is about developing healthy eating and exercise habits, feel free to post here!

xx

I posted in the Ask Cathe forum that I think I might have an eating disorder and asking for advice on which way is up, essentially. Janis suggested I start a check-in thread, so here I am. :)

xx

Today was especially hard for me because I tried to eat "normally." I had dry FiberOne cereal (160 cals) for breakfast and a school lunch of chicken nuggets and peas and skim milk (approximately 500 calories?). I ate a small cookie when I came home (50?) and I havent had dinner yet. I am supposed to be going to a volunteer thing this evening, and dinner will be served there. I dont know what they're serving.

I weighed myself when I got home and saw that I was up a pound on the scale. That scares me, because I feel like all my hard work is becoming undone. I do think that I need a new scale though (mine is digital), because I can step on it and it will read one number, and then I can step on it a second later, and it can read a number two pounds less.

xx

Morningstar suggested I ask myself a few questions... and so this will be my first post --my answers.

Why do you think you eat so little?
I think I might have a social anxiety problem. I would be fine with who I am and how I look if I was a hermit, but I live in a very populated place and am constantly worried about how others see me and perceive me. I dont want people to associate "fat" AKA "ugly" AKA "stupid" AKA "wrong" with me. I think that if others see me as perfect, then maybe I really will be "perfect" AKA "beautiful" AKA "happy" AKA "good."

It probably doesnt help that I live in a city where most sixteen-year-old girls receive brand new cars and nose jobs for their birthdays. (Believe it or not, it isnt Beverly Hills. ;) )

Does your family know how little you eat or are you hiding it from them?
They do know, sort of. I have never openly told them, but I dont hide how little I eat or my exercise from them at all. My dad used to show concern, but ever since I turned 18, he seems to act as if his job is done. I have noticed that he brings home fattening foods a lot though.

Do you take pride in how little you eat?
I am proud of myself whenever I meet my goals I set for myself, whether they are about food or not. Food often is a goal for me, so yes, I am usually proud of my progress. I am not so proud that I would brag about it though.

Do you take laxatives when you eat too much?
Never. I know that they are not helpful with fat loss at all. I just make sure that when I eat, I eat a lot of fiber so I can still... you know. Go.

Do you binge and/or purge?
I can usually control my urge to binge, and when I do binge, it is often out of anger --not necessarily out of a loss of control. I used to purge, but I cant get my body to vomit anymore. I exercise harder and longer now as a way to purge my calories if I binge.

How do you feel emotionally when you deny yourself food? Does it feel empowering and like you are in control?
Sometimes I feel in control, but other times I feel very scared that this feels "right" to me and wonder just how much control I have anymore. I always feel upset when I deny myself food. It's not that I'm upset about not eating; it's just a reminder that I have not yet reached my goals, and that is what upsets me.

How do you feel when you eat "too much"? Do you feel ashamed and like you're a bad person?
Yes. I feel disgusted with myself because I do base my idea of success off of my amount of calories I consume and amount of calories I burn. I feel like I cant accomplish anything when I screw up by eating too much.

What do you think about someone else eating the way you do? What if a friend ate the way you do? What advice would you give her?
I think that being "pro-anorexia / bulimia / etc" is the same thing as being "pro-murder."

Being the way I am is not something I would encourage in any way, and if I knew how to help a friend, I would. I would tell her that I am there for her, if she ever needs to talk, and that I understand and that she doesnt need to be scared. Advice to give... I dont know, honestly. I might suggest that if she feels ready to recover, there is a group therapy center nearby that is known to help eating-disordered people. I dont know what I would say beyond that, though. If I did, I would give myself the same advice.
 
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I want to say how very impressed I am with your ability at 18 to articulate what you are dealing with so well. You are laying a foundation that you can build on to help you get passed your eating issues and move on to a truly healthy lifestyle and has others have said, doing that at 18 gets you so far ahead of where the average American is with their health.

I wanted to reiterate what Morningstar said. You simply cannot gain a pound overnight with what you are doing. It's water retention. It's vital that you eat enough calories, and also that those calories are coming from good sources. It sounds like you know that already and that's where planning ahead of time comes in. Processed food and school lunches generally have pretty high sodium contents and that's likely where that pound came from. The scale is going to go fluctuate due to water retention from foods and where you are in your cycle. If the scale is affecting how you think and feel about yourself than maybe you should look at not stepping on it so often. Put it away for awhile. You'll know by how your clothes fit which way you are going.

Also, based on the fact that you added ? to your calorie notes it looks like you are guessing and it's very easy for guesses to not be accurate. There are many on-line sources to keep track of what you are eating. Many also tell you how much sodium you took in as well as other minerals and vitamins. I downloaded a free Cron-o-Meter for my computer and it gives me all that information and more and I can add in foods that aren't on there myself and that gives me a very accurate picture of what I'm eating. When you are writing in your journal note portion sizes along with what you ate and then it doesn't take long to sit down at the end of the day and plug in your information and see how you did.
 
Hey,
I just posted a response to your thread on Ask Cathe, but I wanted to just say way to go for trying to have a healthy eating day! As for the scales, they will fluctuate with water weight, especially as you incorporate more foods in your diet. Watch the sodium levels of the things you eat and that should help control that. I guarantee, thought, that one pound was just water, though.

I agree that you are so articulate and are on the right path. Keep us posted!! :)

ETA: I just wanted to add that I can totally relate to your social anxiety problems that you mentioned. But think of the smartest, most engaging people you know... Are they rail thin? I'm betting not. It's not their dress size or physical attributions that make them so great. It's their confidence and personality, probably, right? (I know that sounds SO cliche). You seem to be a super smart and strong girl. Do you really think that your worth lies in your looks? Aren't you SOOOO much more than that? I have no doubt that you are lovely on the inside and out, but the trick is, balancing that beauty and showing it off. :)
 
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I love spring-time. I wish I didnt have to go to school anymore... second semester high school seniors watch movies and do busywork eight hours a day. :p I'd spend all my time outside if I could. Spring goes so fast... soon it will be summer and I'll be sick of the heat! My city has this fantastic trail that runs from Main Street, which I live on, to the center of the capital of Indiana. It's about ten miles long, and I'm hoping to spend a lot of time with my puppy on that trail this summer. Right now, though, it's the perfect temperature (sunny with a high of seventy) and I'll bet there's going to be an amazing sunset tonight.

I just wanted to let you guys know. It's beautiful out. <3

Firstly, I want to say that I've changed the title of this thread. I know, I know, it's not usually good Internet manners to make changes after people have commented, but someone on my Ask Cathe thread (Janis, I think) suggested I open it to anyone who can relate --or anyone who wants to shoot for a truly healthy lifestyle. That sounds like a great idea to me, so...

If you want to join a check-in thread where the goal is not about losing weight or gaining muscle or how many miles you log (although all are wonderful side effects), but instead is about developing healthy eating and exercise habits, feel free to post here!

Peaceful Rainbow, first, thanks for the compliment. :) I write a lot (essays, journal entries, fiction, poetry, but more recently it's been scholarship applications, lol), and I'm glad it shows.

I've always wanted to be healthy... When I started working out on a regular and long-lasting basis, I thought that I was doing the right thing for myself, but it turned out backfiring on me as I began over-doing it. I'm too scared / not ready to talk to anyone in my "real" world about this yet, if ever, but everyone here is so fantastic, so I'm hoping that this will be all I need to finally figure out what being healthy really means and that I can maintain a lifestyle that reflects that for the rest of my life.

Also, I guess you and Morningstar were right --I'm down a pound and a half now. I suppose it was probably salt / water weight. I should know that, but when I saw that number (the number I swore would never reappear on the scale!) I kind of flipped... :confused: My goal right now is to just weigh myself once each morning, because right now I weigh myself up to five or six times a day. When I finally reach a weight I feel comfortable with (if there is one --I'm thinking for me that could be anywhere between 95 and 105 pounds), I'm hoping that I can weigh myself weekly, and if I start getting close to 105, I can cut back a little bit on calories and / or exercise more to maintain that ten-pound range.
(I suppose that weight could change. I'm going to start lifting light weighs in May, and seeing as I put on muscle really easily, I might just have to shoot for my ideal measurements as a marker instead. I'm not sure yet.)

And thank you for mentioning the Cron-o-Meter! I have never heard of that, but as soon as I finish this post, I'm going to try to find a free one online. Where did you get yours?

xx

Stephanie0523, you make such a good point. My realistic idol (who is my age) is an amazing friend of mine... She's about my height and weighs a good deal more than I do. I just adore her. She's absolutely hilarious and one of the most intelligent people I know (she's going to Harvard this fall, if that's indicative of her intelligence and work ethic). And she always has good advice when and if she stops being sarcastic for two minutes. :p

I think I need to remind myself more often that there is more than superficial beauty. People say all the time that they love to read what I write, and that they envy my talent as a horseback rider. There is more than the number on my scale and the size of my waist, and if I had the choice, I would definitely want people to like me for my personality, not my size. (Although having both is never a bad thing, right? :D ) Sometimes it's just hard to remember that. But thank you for saying that... It really snaps it into perspective for me. <3

I have such a hard time with sodium. I can cook a few basic meals (spaghetti, grilled cheese, Ramen, and I can make a mean bowl of cereal), but I usually get most of my meal-type food from either a cafeteria setting or a Lean Cuisine type thing. I know sodium isnt bad for you, but too much can be. Do you have any suggestions for any easy recipes (or general grocery store items) that have low sodium? It's so frustrating to see my weight boomerang bceause of salt. :mad:

xx

As far as my day in general as gone (oh gosh, this is becoming a monster of a post!), I think I had another normal day. I say I think, I didnt count anything. I had 220 calories for breakfast (a fruit bar and a fiber one bar) and maybe around 500 for lunch. Dad made grilled chicken for dinner, but I didnt have any. He made macaroni, but by the time I was done with my workout, it was all gone. So I've just had two bread rolls (200 calories total) and a sugar-free pudding cup (75). I feel bad because I havent had any veggies today, so if I get hungry later, I'll make myself a bag of Steamers. (Yum.) That's approximately 1000 calories, right? So for me, that is a pretty high day. I met my goal.

I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and walked at a 75% incline for another 30. My goal, since I dont run very often, was to make an 11 or 12 minute mile, to go 2 miles, and to burn 300 calories. I was shocked by how well I actually did.
I averaged a mile of just under 10 minutes (the fastest I've been all year) and ran for 2.61 miles. I had to slow my pace near the end (which is why it's a 2.61 and not a 3 miler) because my shoulder and my knee were starting to hurt, badly. Is this normal for an irregular runner? I also burned 381 calories in 30 minutes. F--k Yeah! :D
By the end of the 60 minutes my knee was really giving me fits though.

Then I did 15 minutes of Stability Ball Abs from Butts and Guts and then finished with the stretch on the same DVD. I feel good. It was a little longer workout than I think I'm supposed to be doing, but it's not as long as I usually go for (2 hours or more).

Day: Conquered.

Let me know how you guys are doing as well?

(Sorry for my obnoxious amount of text.)
 
Sounds like you had a good day and most importantly, you ate and are not beating yourself up! THIS is what energy feels like! The only thing I worry about is that you're not getting a good variety of foods, mostly quickly burning carbs. I'd aim for more complex carbs: say maybe for breakfast a whole grain bagel or english muffin with pb on it, whole grain crackers and cheese OR oatmeal with some fruit (I love berries and grapes). For lunch, I'd make sure to get some complex carbs AND protein. You can't build muscle without protein, right? Even if it's a pb&j (natural pb, of course :)). And eat your dad's cooking!! You're lucky to have someone cooking something nutritious for you! You needed that chicken lady (this coming from someone who is trying to give up meat :confused:)! Worry less about the calories and more about the quality of your food. Whole foods are best. I know this is hard. I struggle with it daily. It wasn't too long ago I posted a thread asking for help with these last 15 pounds of mine. I took everyone's advice and have been trying to eat clean (whole, natural, good-quality, non-processed foods). It works, AND you feel much better. :)

WAY TO GO on your run!!

A good, healthy day!! :) Tomorrow, how about aiming for at least 1200 calories?
 
This weekend was difficult for me. :( You'd think weekends would be easier for me to eat more, but usually I find that on weekends I eat even less. During weekdays there are structured times to eat, but on weekends I dont have a schedule, and sometimes I just honestly forget to eat.

It didnt help that my mother threw one of her temper tantrums this weekend. Sometimes I wonder who the parent is. I love her, but... I dont know. It was hard, and I was angry and eating was one of the last things I wanted to do. It's hard to eat when you're not hungry; it just doesnt seem right to feed yourself. I think I had less than 1000 calories all weekend, but I wasnt really counting. And I probably exercised too much, too. On Saturday alone I know I burned more than 1000 calories. Today wasnt as big as a burn (maybe 200?) because I had a migraine and I just couldnt work out for too long.

I feel so bad, but. I just couldnt make myself do it.

I'm sitting at 126, but I'm hoping it will be 125 again within 24 hours. I havent been able to use the bathroom properly all weekend, and I think it's because I havent been eating my FiberOne cereal (I ran out on Thursday and bought some more today). I think after I have some of my cereal, I can start going again.

And because I went grocery shopping, hopefully I can start to eat some more. I'm going to try to have dry cereal in the morning, a chicken sandwich and applesauce and milk for lunch, and some steamed vegetables for dinner. I'm going to try to throw in some snacks as well, but I dont know what those will be. Maybe a fiberone bar and an orange or something.

I dont know the calorie counts of that, but I cant imagine it's that high. But it seems like so much to me.

I'm going to try to not weigh myself for a few days, if that's possible, because my period (yes, I still have it) should be coming this week, and I dont want an increased number on the scale to ruin my week.

I also have a few questions, if any of you can answer them.

Yesterday, after I ate a piece of the french bread we have, I felt guilty and worked out for about two hours. I started off with a HiiT workout, so my heart rate was immediately elevated, and almost right away food started to come back up into my mouth. (I'm sorry; it's really gross.)

Then today I was reading that sometimes for bulimics, this kind of involuntary purging is common if you've been purging for a really long time. I used to purge every meal every day for about a year, but that was about a year ago. I dont purge anymore, and it's not necessarily because I dont want to, but because it started getting harder and harder to purge and eventually I just couldnt do it anymore. I dont know why I cant purge anymore after only a year when some people can do it for years and years, but I'm not trying to figure out why because I know it's a dangerous activity.

So I just am wondering, is this normal, if you exercise after eating, for food to come back up? Or is this purging-related? It kind of scares me that I dont know the answer.
 
Hi! I am so glad that you're still checking in. But I am so sorry you had a rough weekend. I know it's hard to eat when you're not hungry, but you're fueling your body. Think of it as giving yourself energy and nourishment. As for getting sick while working out... sometimes I get pretty nauseated if I've had a really tough workout, but I've never worked out to the point of vomiting. It quite possibly could be the bulimic response you were talking about. Have you read Cathe's post on your thread in the Ask Cathe forum? I think you should check out the links she provided and really consider seeking professional advice. Even if you just consult a nutritionist and let him/her know everything you've shared with us. They are educated and can really lead you through this and devise a healthy meal plan for you. I know you're strong enough to do this. You've proven you're brave just by coming here and checking in with us. And you're post prove that you are extremely smart. I hope that you do find someone who can help you one-on-one and then come back and share with us all.

I hope this week is a good week for you!! Please keep checking in! :)
 
Here's the link to the Cronometer I use. http://sourceforge.net/projects/cronometer/files/

How are you doing the last couple days? Have you made good use of the food you got on your shopping trip? Whole foods are the way to go whenever possible, and planning ahead will help you a lot. I know I do best when I create a menu for the week and then I can shop for those items and that's what I have available. I know convenience foods are....well....convenient, but they are loaded with sodium and while your body does need sodium, it's actually far less than the average person gets. If you do a search here for "whole foods" you might be able to get a lot of ideas for foods.

Scales - definitely not weighing during your period is a good idea since the number affects you so much. If you are weighing once a day, do it the same time, same amount or lack ;) of clothing. Weight can fluctuate a lot throughout the day.

Oh, and another shorty here at 4'9". :D
 
Hi Mercurial

The Check-in Challenges section of the forum is quite busy, threads can get moved to page two pretty quickly!

I noticed Cathe gave you some great information/advice. She is a smart and classy lady, she is definitely someone you can trust.

Were you able to find a selection of books at the library?

One thing you might consider doing is advertising your Check In thread at the Open Discussion form, introduce your self and invite more ladies in the same situation or in the process of recovering from an eating disorder to join you at the Check In.

As Melissa "Meliffy18" mentioned, one poster here - Kariev - could be a great resource for you.

Best wishes,
 
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I switched things up and had carbs for breakfast today. (Usually I try to have fruit.) One thing I cant stand about how our bodies work is you cant always tell if one thing affects the other. For instance, I dont know if the fact that I had carbs for breakfast affected my overall energy level or if I just happened to have a lovely, high-energy day naturally.

I ate over 1000 calories, surely, so I'm happy about that. I had about 400 calories for breakfast (two servings of cereal and milk), maybe 400 for lunch (two pieces of bread, chicken lunchmeat, and applesauce), and another 400 for dinner (more bread --this time with reduced-fat peanut butter and grape jelly-- and milk). I burned 600 of them off with my run. I am proud because I am sticking with my 9 to 10 minute mile. I took it a little slower today because yesterday, my heart rate spiked so quickly I only was able to go for ten minutes before I had to stop. (Usually I can run and jog for an hour.) I thought I had given myself a good enough warmup, but apparently not...

I am thinking that I am going to try an all-out last effort attempt to see if I can get some of this weight off. I know a lot of the reason I'm plateauing is probably muscle gain, and probably starvation mode too...
So I'm going to shoot for 1000+ per day. 2 fruits for breakfast, carbs and protein for lunch, veggies and protein / carbs for dinner. And two 100 calorie snacks throughout the day. I'm hoping that if I eat my dinner earlier too, then I can maybe lose a little more weight as well.

If not, I am thinking I might consult a nutritionist. I'm a very mathematical person, so even though I know my body has other things going on inside of it besides calories consumed and calories burned (like metabolism rates, starvation mode, hormonal junk, etc), I just cant accept it in my mind. I think to myself, "You burned more than you ate! You'll be down a pound, surely!" And what do I see? The same weight at best, a pound up at worst. I'm hoping maybe a nutritionist can help me figure out why my body is so screwy --and maybe by listening to someone else's mind, thereby removing my own screwy mind from the equation, maybe it will be a little more clear.
Besides, so many people are pushing me this way... and I trust you guys more than I trust myself right now.

I havent weighed myself since Sunday, and I'm stressing out about it, but I know it'd just be bad news bears for me if I did. :(

xx

Stephanie, like I mentioned above, I think I might see if I can find a nutritionist soon. I try to learn everything I can about my body and how it will best work, but obviously I'm not doing things right. I hope that maybe someone can teach me once and for all how to figure things out and how to deal with things. The only thing I dont know is how to pick one... Shall I eenie-meenie-miinee-moe the Yellow Pages? :p I guess the next time I see my regular doctor, I will ask if he has any recommendations. He has never steered me wrong before...!

Peaceful Rainbow, I have been doing alright, at least by my standards. :) I have made good use of the foods I got at the grocery. I have my lovely cereal and applesauce back now, so I'm happy. (And, naturally, now I'm out of fruits. :rolleyes: Its like laundry --never ends.)
There is a whole foods market in my town which I shop at from time to time, but it's more expensive than I would like. I try to eat as whole as I can, though. :) I buy whole grain / whole wheat (not quite sure of the difference) bread and fruits and veggies. I try to keep junk food out of my house, but when I seriously need a cookie, I rely on the whole foods market for healthy(er) versions. I'm also going to look through the recipes section on this site and see what I can maybe make myself as suggestions for dinner. I dont have a problem so much with buying whole foods as much as learning how to put them together to make something edible and enjoyable. :D --And thank you for the cronometer link! I am trying to explore it at the moment, but I love the nutritional goals it has. :)

Janis, good idea about advertising a bit in the open discussion forum... I dont post very much so I dont know where the traffic goes, but you're right; this particular one seems to have a lot of traffic! :)
I havent gone to the library yet because I havent had the automotive opportunity, but I'm hoping to get there on Thursday. I can walk to it from my school, and Thursdays are the few days of the week I can catch a ride even if I end up missing the bus.
I havent seen any posts from Kariev, but I'll search for posts of hers after I submit this post... :)
 
I babble. Be prepared. :)

Aha. :) Past few days have been going... strangely. I'm eating around 1000 calories, which is really good for me. Sometimes it was healthy food, sometimes it wasnt. It's kind of hard because my family has always been really unhealthy when it comes to food choices. I make a concious effort to buy food that is healthy, food that I call "mine," so I dont have to eat the crap everyone else eats. Problem is, they eat my healthy food and their unhealthy food, so I'm left with nothing! :confused: My dad defends his actions by saying that because he buys it, he can eat it. ...I'm excited to go to university where I can label what's mine and demand that people keep their paws off.

Yesterday was especially weird. I looked in the mirror a few times yesterday and actually saw pretty. :eek: WTF? But it was a really nice feeling, too. I know that when women are about to have their periods, they release hormones that make them seem more attractive; I think it's the body's way of trying to get a mate during it's most fertile time of the cylce, but I'm not sure. So maybe that's it, but still. It was nice. I have noticed that I usually think I look better right after a workout too. Hmm.

I weighed myself yesterday evening too, even though I promised myself not to. I was 125, which is good news to me, because not a week ago I was 127, and like I said, I weighed myself last evening. And I'm still on my period! So hopefully when I'm done, I'll be 124. Yay, progress. It's weird. Eat more = lose weight. People have been telling me that, and even though my brain gets it... my irrational part of me says no way. Am I coming off of the starvation mode? That'd be nice.

I've also noticed that even though I'm easily irritated right before and right after I eat, overall I have been in a much better mood and have had much higher energy levels than in the recent past. It's a nice side effect.

And finally, I'm going to purchase CCC and Body Max 2 this week. :) I'm hoping to try them out soon, and I'll let you know how that goes.

I'm also hoping that I can eventually get my hands on STS. I think that would be a good thing for me. I know it will slow my weight loss, but. I think it would be a good thing for me. Right? I didnt know until recently that the download version of STS is a full $100 less, so that's really good news for me, especially because I would prefer the download version! I have an iPod Classic, which I think holds either 80 gigs or 160 to hold STS programs, and I also have a terebyte's worth (1000 gigs) of an external hard drive to house my absurd music collection and to back up my computer. So I've got plenty of space for STS, and since I'm going to university this fall (!!!), I'll have access to all the weights I need.
I think I'll try to get it for Christmas, or maybe next summer. I think my parents would spring for $100 of it if it was a gift, and I could fork over the second half myself (somehow...). I wonder if there are any discounts I could get too.

Okay, this is getting long. :D I'm just in a good mood. Shut up, Mercurial... ENDSPEAK.
 
Hey~
It's LATE here, so I am just going to do a quick post. I am so glad you are checking in regularly!! :) The past couple of days sound like you're doing pretty well. Looking in the mirror and seeing pretty is GREAT!!! Just think: that's the girl everyone sees every day. Yay you!!! Progress!! Up those calories, though. 1000 calories plus a long 600-calorie-burning run does not make for healthy eating! But it sounds like you're really trying. I guarantee that you lost those couple of pounds because you are eating MORE. Please do consult a nutritionist. I wish I had when I was starving myself as a younger adult. This is great support, but we are just that... support. We aren't problem solvers. Plus, you can share your newfound knowledge with the rest of us. I think asking your doc to refer you to someone is a great idea. Plus, it's good that he/she knows what you're going through now too.

I'm proud of you!! Keep up the good work! And keep checking in!! And remember, NUTRITIONIST!!! :)
 
Hello, World! I'm still checking in; things have just been a little hectic lately. I have four papers due this week, and I have just two started... With just three "real" weeks left of class (the fourth week is finals week, and at my school if your grades and attendence scores qualify, graduating seniors can skip their finals, and I do qualify), senioritis has kicked in hard. ;) Besides, I dont like to talk about myself and how I'm doing every day! :)

Anyway, I caved and weighed myself three days ago. I felt like having a little party on my scale. I was down three full pounds, and since then I've been between 124 and 125. Finally, success. I am hoping to be under 120 in time for graduation. (Not that it'll matter all that much --the standard size for our gowns is for anyone between 80 and 200 pounds. :p I can only hope it isnt too long for my 4'10" frame.)

I ordered Body Max 2 yesterday. Paypal said it would come between 2 and 9 days. :p But I am thinking it will be here in time for Saturday; I'm going to see if I can do the whole thing in its entirety. (I'll watch it first. ;) ) I am waiting to see if I can score CCC off of eBay, but if not I will buy that soon too. :) I'm happy about that. I love the workouts I have, but there are only so many times you can do the same workouts, you know?

I have been doing all right with eating, I suppose. Honestly, I just feel like I'm eating too much, and every time I see the weight fluctuate on the scale, even though I know it is mostly because of minor changes during the day, I ask myself, "Would I have been .2 pounds lighter if I had just not drunk that glass of milk?" And things like that. It's hard, and I know I'm probably exercising too much.

I have decided not to go to prom... In addition to my group kind of falling apart (and my sort-of-boyfriend being less than enthusiastic about the event), I am not pleased with the way I look in my prom dress (pale and fat is a bad combination in a black dress), and who wants to pay $40 for a ticket just to wind up feeling uncomfortable with sore feet? Not me.

Really, the only thing that is bothering me right now is this "fuzzy" feeling I'm getting. A little dizzy, a little unfocused and unaware (IE having trouble seeing things right away, like pedestrians, and having trouble listening to a conversation), and just a little feverish --and extremely thirsty. So basically, I've been trying to avoid driving myself anywhere. I thought it might just be me not getting enough sleep, but I got a lot of sleep this weekend and still feel fuzzy today.
 
Hey! Sounds like you're doing pretty well! Not too much longer till graduation!! Have you talked to a nutritionist yet? (Remember, you said you would!) You may feel like you're eating too much, but the scales are showing that eating more gives your body more fuel to burn, thus the lighter weight. Plus, it is HEALTHY to eat more! :) When I used to starve myself I used to feel fuzzy/unfocused/blurry eyed, so I'm betting you're still not getting enough food to eat. WHEN you go to the nutritionist, be sure to tell him/her about the way you're feeling. Are you eating a lot of sodium? That may be the reason for the excessive thirst. You mentioned awhile back that you eat ramen noodles... those are loaded with salt, FYI. One of my new favorite meals is whole wheat angel hair pasta topped with lots of sauteed (or oven roasted) veggies, like zucchini, summer squash, grape tomatoes, mushrooms and sprinkled with a little parmesan. It's very light, but healthy and the sodium is very low. Maybe try that instead of ramen?

As for the prom, I went my junior year and had a horrible time, got a migraine, had to come home early, etc. The next year, I had my dress bought, got dumped my my boyfriend the month before prom, so some girlfriends and I had a slumber party, and it was WAY more fun than the prom. But I'm sure you look great in your dress!! 125 is a GREAT weight! So, if you want to go, go. Don't let your self-consciousness hold you back. You'll regret it when you're grown up and think back on your senior year. :)

Keep up the good work!! Call that nutritionist!! (Yes, I'm a mom of three boys... I'm a NAG!! ;))
 
Mercurial said:
Hello, World! I'm still checking in; things have just been a little hectic lately. I have four papers due this week, and I have just two started... With just three "real" weeks left of class (the fourth week is finals week, and at my school if your grades and attendence scores qualify, graduating seniors can skip their finals, and I do qualify), senioritis has kicked in hard. ;) Besides, I dont like to talk about myself and how I'm doing every day! :)

Anyway, I caved and weighed myself three days ago. I felt like having a little party on my scale. I was down three full pounds, and since then I've been between 124 and 125. Finally, success. I am hoping to be under 120 in time for graduation. (Not that it'll matter all that much --the standard size for our gowns is for anyone between 80 and 200 pounds. :p I can only hope it isnt too long for my 4'10" frame.)

I ordered Body Max 2 yesterday. Paypal said it would come between 2 and 9 days. :p But I am thinking it will be here in time for Saturday; I'm going to see if I can do the whole thing in its entirety. (I'll watch it first. ;) ) I am waiting to see if I can score CCC off of eBay, but if not I will buy that soon too. :) I'm happy about that. I love the workouts I have, but there are only so many times you can do the same workouts, you know?

I have been doing all right with eating, I suppose. Honestly, I just feel like I'm eating too much, and every time I see the weight fluctuate on the scale, even though I know it is mostly because of minor changes during the day, I ask myself, "Would I have been .2 pounds lighter if I had just not drunk that glass of milk?" And things like that. It's hard, and I know I'm probably exercising too much.

I have decided not to go to prom... In addition to my group kind of falling apart (and my sort-of-boyfriend being less than enthusiastic about the event), I am not pleased with the way I look in my prom dress (pale and fat is a bad combination in a black dress), and who wants to pay $40 for a ticket just to wind up feeling uncomfortable with sore feet? Not me.

Really, the only thing that is bothering me right now is this "fuzzy" feeling I'm getting. A little dizzy, a little unfocused and unaware (IE having trouble seeing things right away, like pedestrians, and having trouble listening to a conversation), and just a little feverish --and extremely thirsty. So basically, I've been trying to avoid driving myself anywhere. I thought it might just be me not getting enough sleep, but I got a lot of sleep this weekend and still feel fuzzy today.
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Hi Mercurial,

I haven't been posting, but I have been checking in on your thread. You need to get to a doctor, STAT! Extreme thirst, fuzzy vision, etc could just be related to lack of food and the starvation you are chronically putting your body through as well as excess salt, but it could also be a sign of Type 1 diabetes. Type 1 diabetes usually hits before the age you are at, but not always and can even hit adults much older. I am absolutely serious - an eating disorder may kill you eventually; untreated Type 1 diabetes will kill much quicker and it can come upon people suddenly without notice. Go to the doctor, TELL THE TRUTH about EVERYTHING and find out for sure what's wrong.

Here's a link to some information about the symptoms of Type 1 diabetes: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/type-1-diabetes/ds00329/dsection=symptoms

Note: the hunger symptoms may not apply to you because you've been training yourself to not be hungry; anorexia will complicate any set of standard symptoms for Type 1 diabetes, making it harder to diagnose just from the symptoms. And not all people have all of the standard symptoms. That's okay, though, because there is testing that your doctor will do to be sure one way or another.

As for the prom, you will SO regret it if you don't go. Not right away, but 20 years from now, you will wish you had gone. You can't get those experiences back - this is the only time you can go to your Senior prom. It may suck, hell, it will probably suck, but I promise you, you will regret not going. As for how you look in your dress, girl, you know that's just the eating disorder talking and that you look fabulous.
 
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morningstar said:
As for the prom, you will SO regret it if you don't go. Not right away, but 20 years from now, you will wish you had gone. You can't get those experiences back - this is the only time you can go to your Senior prom. It may suck, hell, it will probably suck, but I promise you, you will regret not going. As for how you look in your dress, girl, you know that's just the eating disorder talking and that you look fabulous.
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25 years ago I decided not to go to my senior prom, also my junior year I was invited to someone else prom but but didn't make that one either, and me just say I wish I had gone. This is your one shot, don't miss it.
 
Morningstar, thank you for providing me with that link; I cant believe I actually hadnt thought of it myself. For most of my teen years, I've been very involved with youth journalism, and actually wrote a big article for our state newspaper concerning diabetes type one. That was a few years ago, I guess. :eek: I dont know much about diabetes type one (or two, really) anymore, except that most type-one people are born with it / develop it at an early age, but I do know that type two runs in my family.

Oh, god. I just looked up type 2 diabetes on MayoClinic and it has similar symptoms (increased thirst, frequent urination, fatigue, blurred vision)... I have been working really hard on trying to be healthy for so long, because my grandfather and my dad both have type 2, and I never want to take so many pills and give myself as many finger-pricks as they have to. I have wanted to be healthy for so long. What a backfire...

I have to see my regular doctor soon (re: next week) anyway for a check up on my sinuses, and I will mention the fuzzy feeling to him. Although I was feeling a bit better today, I promise I will tell him when I see him.
I hope I dont have diabetes (or prediabetes). --I didnt think you could get type two unless you were really overweight (and although my weight has unsurprisingly fluctuated over the years, I've never been above 135; my diabetic father is closer to 250). I try to watch it by requesting blood sugar whenever I have to have blood tests done (which is often, unfortunately). I never eat before the blood tests (because they say so), and it's usually around 80, which is, I think, pretty healthy.

Stephanie, I do have a problem with eating too much salt, I think. Lately I have been having low-salt breakfast (fruit and / fiberone cereal), low-salt lunch (sandwich and applesauce or fiberone cereal with milk if I didnt have it for breakfast), but then, since we dont really have healthy foods at home, I just throw a frozen tv dinner in the microwave, and I probably get twice my sodium level just from that meal alone. I am going to try to be much more healthy over the summer.
Since I cant find a "real" job (I am working off my lesson fees to my horse jumping trainer, but that's not much) this summer, I would feel bad not doing anything around the house, so I am going to try to make healthy dinners 3-4 times a week, and I will make it a priority to have low-sodium meals too. Like I said, my family is pretty unhealthy and it's the least I can do, right?
I am also hoping that because my university roommate has eating issues (she has a wheat allergy and a dairy allergy and a whole bunch of stuff), I'm hoping that we will have healthy options in our dorm, even if the cafeterias dont...

I also havent talked to a nutritionist (yet). :( I am having this inner battle with myself...
Me: Maybe I should see a nutritionist and try to help myself.

Evil Me: Everyone and their cousin has some sort of eating problem. If you just suck it up and move on, things will get better.

Me: Still, seeing a nutritionist couldnt hurt.

Evil Me: Yeah, no one would get hurt except your wallet...

Me: A nutritionist can teach me how to eat and exercise properly and to be my healthiest and best.

Evil Me: But you promised yourself that once you reach your goal, you'll stop dieting and stay within the ten pound range. You've been there before, and you can get there again. Take a Big Girl Pill; you can handle yourself...
 
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