Stepmother issues....

[lrhollid]

Warning: this is a bit of a vent!

I'm not certain what has come over my stepmother recently. Lately, it seems like she has been going out of her way to start fights and create problems. Case in point, Christmas!

My sister and I started trying to figure out Christmas plans in early November (she's divorced and needed to know when her daughter would spend time with her ex; my husband has a busy work schedule, as do I, so we needed to plan in advance). When we tried to find out what our parents were doing, all of a sudden our stepmother informed us that she didn't think they could make it up here (we live about 5 hours away) for Christmas like we've been doing for YEARS!!! No reason, just out of the blue they couldn't make it. Again, due to work issues, none of us can drive to see them on Christmas Eve. She changed her mind a few weeks ago, but now that I've made plans with my husband's family and my sister has made plans with a friend, she's giving us the guilties. She got downright rude on the phone with me last night: she changes their plans at the last minute, then expected my sister and I to change ours?!!! And when we couldn't, somehow we're doing something wrong?

Here's the kicker: last night, I invited them up for the second time to come stay with us for Christmas, but she refused (they have an indoor dog; my husband and I are allergic, so no dogs allowed inside) because 'we wouldn't welcome their dog'.

I'm at the point where I'd like to minimize all contact with her...

 

[kryptychyck]

YIKES!!!

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult and stressful time.

What does your father have to say about all of this?

 

[Reese777]

It sounds like she's got self esteem issues. I wouldn't blame you for limiting contact. It's a shame that this sort of behavior comes out for major events/holidays, isn't it? I hope it all works out well for you and your sister.

 

[janiejoey]

((hugs)) to you. Have a wonderful Christmas.


Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible

http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey

 

[melimcn]

Maybe it's the dog, and she felt that they couldn't leave it alone this year, or were tired of boarding it, or whatever.
I know for me, if something has/had become too much of a pain to do, regardless of tradition, I'd stop doing it. She may feel some resentment about that, like if the dog isn't welcome, then they're not.

I have no idea, I'm just throwing options out there. Sounds like she had hoped that her initial plan of "we're not coming" would yield different results, and she's mad that it didn't go how she'd hoped/planned.

That's absolutely something my mother does. Kind of like an adult temper tantrum.

 

[mich23]

I'm so sorry for you!! I used to have the same type of problems -- except it was with my mother-in-law. Now, I focus on my DH and kids. We make our plans and that's it. To me Christmas is about my kids -- and I'm not about to mess up their plans because someone is being moody.

You aren't doing anything wrong. You've invited her and she declined. You don't need to feel guilty about anything.

To be honest, I think you may regret limited contact with her. That's really not the point. Instead you need to just stand your ground, not feel guilty, and don't let her rudeness bother you. Enjoy your Christmas. She is more than welcome to enjoy it with you, if she chooses not to -- it is her loss.

Michelle

 

[SirenSongWoman]

She may be going through something personal that has nothing to do with you. Try and give her the benefit of the doubt. I know I'm so tired from work (U.S. Postal Service... I'm sure you can imagine) that if my supervisor isn't dragging my butt in to work Xmas I just want to either sleep or veg in front of the tv with a cup of tea and a space heater focused on my feet (!). Don't laugh. I'm sure Paris and Rome are lovely but that's what I really dream about when I'm busting my tail at work this time of year. Sometimes, some of us just want to take a break and not have somewhere we HAVE to be or something we have to do. I may be projecting my own situation onto her but if she's just tired or needs a break it's not about you. If I were you, I'd see this as YOUR opportunity to take a break. Please don't take it personally.