Sorry, need to vent again about my nieces

[BAM]

I've posted in the past about how my nieces live in a very chaotic and stressful household. The parents don't really get along and the kids get the brunt of it but I try my best to help the kids out as much as I can while dealing with my own health issues. I was talking with my 11 year old niece today and she's bored but wanted a friend to go over. My sister told her no so I spoke with her and got her to say yes. (One of the reasons she said no was because yesterday they were out all day at a soccer tournament and my sister said that she was with people then so she doesn't need to be with people today - great thinking, huh! x( If they don't have sports or a get together, the parents will not really do things with the kids or try and help them find something to do so many times they just hang around the house. After my sister said yes, I told my niece to call me back and let me know which friend was coming over, etc. Well, the parents got into an argument and heaven forbid they think of their children over their own need to argue so my niece realized that she won't be having anyone over since their argument to precedence.

I was going to try and either take them out later on today (they live about 40 min. away) or perhaps bring them to my house tomorrow but it took 2 hours to determine what the heck the possibilities might even be. In the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy some much needed time to myself (my mother lives with me and is at my sister's now). I did get permission to bring them here tomorrow and sleep over. Trying to set this up has been extremely stressful and now I'm realizing that I really could have used the extra day to myself so I'm feeling frustrated at the entire situation plus feeling conflicted because I said the kids could come tomorrow and I don't want to disappoint them. I'm not sure that anything was yet mentioned to them about coming over. If I don't take them tomorrow, I know they'll be sitting around the house, again. I just get crazy with this stuff. I know I have to take care of myself first. I didn't think trying to help my niece to have her friend come over, and then have them come over here tomorrow was going to be THIS out of control. Crazy, crazy, crazy, is all I have to say. Thanks for listening.

Bam

 

[EricaH]

Bam, can you do something with your nieces that would be fun for you, too? Like go to a movie or rent one that you could all enjoy or play some fun board games or go shopping and out to lunch? I'm just wondering if there is a way that you can take care of yourself and feel good about doing something nice for your nieces.

Good luck!

Erica

ETA: You could take them to a bookstore also and buy them each a book and then all of you can spend time curled up reading?

 

[BAM]

Erica, you've given me some great suggestions, thank you! If we get together, I will absoulutely do things we all can enjoy. Right now I'm so frustrated that I called up my mother who is over there right now to tell them that I've got this cold that I'm fighting (which is the truth and they knew that) and it seems to be getting worse so I can't be sure about tomorrow. Plus, we do have a snowstorm coming and I don't know what the weather will be like. It may sound awful that I did that but I'd rather give them a head's up rather than spring it on them tomorrow just in case I'm not up to it. I'm generally not one to say "I wish I didn't do that" because you can never turn back time and hindsight is 20/20 (so I won't say it, lol) but I have learned something VERY valuable out of this so for me in the long run, it could be a good thing on teaching me how to separate certain issues. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I definitely need some support!

Bam

 

[delicatesteph]

BAM,

I agree with Erica too...if you feel you are not up to it tomorrow, by all means, get a rain check! I often "over-book" myself then end up wishing I didn't. Take care of yourself first!

I will be thinking of you over the next few days. I hope you feel better!

 

[BAM]

Stephanie, thank you for your well wishes! The only people I will extend myself for are my nieces. I learned a loooooong time ago that I have to put myself first where adults are concerned since that's where I got my health issues from. Of course, sometimes the kids act more mature than adults!;-)

Bam

 

[LeanneM]

Hi Bam,

Sorry that you have to deal with all this! The other suggestions for renting or seeing a fun movie (like "Enchanted" maybe?) might be fun! It's so great they you're there for your nieces! It sounds like they really need you! Hugs!

 

[BAM]

Leanne, thanks for the hugs! Actually they would like to see Enchanted so that could be an option. If they do come over, I think I'll make a deal with them so I feel as though some of the things that I need to get done can be accomplished. I'll tell them that I will do some of the things they'd like if they can help do some of the things I need to do. I'll put a Swiffer (my newest discovery that will forever change my life:+ )in their hands and let 'em loose!}( I'll see what the day brings. Of course none of this would be an issue if they had REASONABLE, loving parents (just had to throw that in there x( ) but I will continue to for my nieces!

Thanks everyone for helping me feel better!

Bam

 

[pink_fortitude]

BAM, I am sending you lots of hugs!!! I think that you are an awesome aunt and that your nieces are so lucky to have you. I think that the ideas you have come up with sound great - and even if you don't get the time to yourself you will feel good just knowing that you have served your nieces in ways that their parents can(will)not. I really can't tell you just how much your nieces will respect/love/admire/appreciate you for what you do for them, especially after they are adults and realize all the effort, love and thought you put into them to make them feel special. YOU ROCK! :7

If you do end up seeing Enchanted, have fun! I absolutely love that movie, and the girls will, too.

Missy

 

[BAM]

Missy, thank you so much for your kind words! Sometimes I guess I just need some reassurance that what I'm trying to do for them is a benefit. Perhaps they'll understand it more when they are adults but they're living in the present situation now and are affected day to day. I've said this in the past, sometimes I don't want to talk to them because what they tell me will just be so upsetting. I guess that's why I can come here because all of you help me through these moments. I greatly appreciate all of your understanding and kindness. Many, many thanks!!!!!

Bam

 

[Reese777]

>Hi Bam,
>
>Sorry that you have to deal with all this!>

Bam,

I think if you told the kids you were going to do something, and you're worried that they have no consistency in their lives, then you should follow through with your plans and I think you are adorable for caring so much about these children, but remember - you don't HAVE to deal with this. Even though the children may be in an environment that isn't the greatest, you're not obligated to make it better for them. If they are in an abusive environment, you can make a difference by reporting the situation to child protective services.

I know I may sound like a total beyotch by saying this, but I don't mean it that way. My only point is, "don't make problems your own when they're someone else's" - you know? You will wear yourself totally out.

Take care of you!

 

[BAM]

Reese, I understand what you're saying but I just have a hard time when it's kids that are being affected. Adults can make adult decisions to not better their lives but children are under the influence of the parents and how those parents choose to live their lives. It's hard when you hear these desperate voices on the other end of the phone searching for outlets and those outlets are few. What they're going through is not something that needs to be reported. It's just unhappy adults taking out their issues on the kids, as well as each other, and not wanting to make any changes for the better. I appreciate your input!

Bam